Why Don't We All Fear Sophie B. Hawkins ?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

It seems patently obvious to me that Sophie B. Hawkins means to kill us all. She means to slit the throat of every man- jack of us. She means to wallow in our blood. She means to shoot us directly in the face, then stamp aggressively on the face of our dying, prone bodies, stamping out that drum beat from that Led Zeppelin song she nicked for her big hit single. " Damn ! I' m so glad I'm your murderer! " She shall sing as she does it.
This is what she means to do. She will not rest until she has callously murdered us all. Is it just me who sees this ? This fear stalks our land, and only I am witness to it? Is it so very wrong to live in mortal fear of Sophie B. Hawkins ? Believe you me, my friends, she will kill us all; and she will enjoy it. Stay guarded. Stay vigilant.
You don't have to worry about Sheryl Crow, mind you. The worst thing you'll get from her will be a Chinese burn.

[biggytitbo]

What does the b stand for? I have my suspicions.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Brian.
Further proof, if proof were needed.

[Vodka Margarine]

Lisa Loeb would tear her face off.

[canadagoose]

Thanks for warning us about Sophie Brian Hawkins and the danger she poses to us all. A terrifying being indeed.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Yeah, no worries, Missus. Gave a good friend of mine, a lovely young lady in the eighth month of her pregnancy, similar advice, and she took it on board.
Sadly, three days later she was savagely murdered by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians. They shot rubber bands at the freshly plucked out foetus from her top killed body : (

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

( NB; The following lines are delivered in the style of George Larrydavidstanzaya, with all outstretched arms, and frustrations that have been allowed to have gone way beyond simmering point to boiling over to deftly despair - filled delivery. All ladies reading this should bear in mind that I still have a lovely old head of non- dyed hair );
Well.... It happened. Sophie B. Hawkins murdered me. I hope you're all happy with that. You might want to mention it the next time you're all talking about how little Julia Davies progresses with her sitcoms, while at the same time, her horse-like face - uh seems to grow an inch with every passing year. Oh, Sophie B. Hawkins didn't murder you? Well, ain't you something ?

[:(]

This is funny is it?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Nah, load of old bollocks, innit ?

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Seem to recall she looked a little like Mrs Thatcher, but with different hair.

[BlodwynPig]

In an interview with Rock Cellar Magazine in 2012, Hawkins said that she identified as omnisexual.

B.ware