Would you bother striking an iceberg?

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Say you were a Titanic of some kind.  Would you bother striking an iceberg?

Doesn't it seem a lot of hassle to strike an iceberg, only to essentially have your entire night ruined as you gradually fill with water and then sink to the bottom of the ocean?

I can't personally see that it would be worth it, but what do you guys all think?  Disagree?

[Gregory Torso]

I would.

Picture it.

At first, you're so proud. You're the Titanic, which is English for "really massive"; you're a marvel of the maritime world. The people are so happy as they proudly stride inside you one crisp joyful morning in 1912. They pat your tough sides as they enter you, call you "a bloody beautiful bloody unsinkable lovely bit of ship" and possibly take pictures with cameras if they've been invented. Girls blow kisses to you as you begin to chug away out of the harbour, with your funnels and tunnels and decks and little flags. It's the happiest day of your life.

But all those people inside you. They begin to itch, don't they? Tripping and trapping through your beautiful ballroom; scuttling across your decks like ants on a fridge door. And as the days and nights pass, and the waters turn icy beneath you, the discomfort is excruciating.
Those horrid little organisms swarming through you, dancing jigs in your bowels, they're having sex in your cabins, in your plush luxurious cabins, they're all greasy with fucking, and there's cheese and cigarettes trodden into the floor.

The final straw comes when two of them climb onto your nose and start screaming "I'm the king of the world! I'm god of the sea!" and you think: Oh are you now? It's you, is it? You're the marvel, the unsinkable, the indestructible paragon of all sea vessels?? Don't need me then, do you?"

And there she is! Your iceberg. Your elevator to hell. The thing that turns you into a submarine. You feel the pests inside you scrambling and clamouring and alarming, and all you can think is: I'm coming, baby, as you charge for the great frozen Olympus like a hog to the trough.

Good luck everyone! You toot through your funnel, and then that is all.

[popcorn]

We would not have James Cameron if it were not for the Titanic's brave decision to strike the iceberg. If I were the Titanic I would do it all again.

[to infect aside]

I'd probably just go slowly past it a few times, to be honest.

[a duncandisorderly]

"The thing that turns you into a submarine"

greg knocks it out of the park again.

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Thanks Gregory Torso; you have made this thread worthwhile.

[a duncandisorderly]

We would not have James Cameron if it were not for the Titanic's brave decision to strike the iceberg. If I were the Titanic I would do it all again.

his vacuum cleaners are over-priced rubbish.

[popcorn]

Thanks Gregory Torso; you have made this thread worthwhile.

Did you not see my post?

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I always think of those people crowding around the lifeboats complaining bitterly that they really badly need a piss, and while they're being ushered forwards they're asking if they can instead be led towards the toilet area of the Titanic.  They never could see the bigger picture, could they.

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Did you not see my post?

I haven't seen the James Cameron one so I don't know if what you are saying is true or not.

[popcorn]

Oh if you'd seen it, you'd think my post was brilliant. Much better than Gregory's. You'd have really liked the post I think.

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I sometimes think that what really sunk the Titanic was all the men getting impatient about lifeboats and crowding around one side of the ship.  Idiots - just spread out a bit!  Go back there, stop swarming over here!  We are tipping because of you, aargh!

Stresses me out just thinking of it, as you can tell.


I mean don't get me wrong - the iceberg helped, but it wouldn't have sunk the ship on its own.

[a duncandisorderly]

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That's lovely but Godzilla actually did this:




(I mean the slits; he didn't make the ship or anything, or draw this picture.  I don't think.)

[a duncandisorderly]

That's lovely but Godzilla actually did this:




(I mean the slits; he didn't make the ship or anything, or draw this picture.  I don't think.)

where'd you read that, wikipedia?

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Here, mister:  http://writing.engr.psu.edu/uer/bassett.html

[Ferris]

Yeah for a laff, like

[greenman]

We would not have James Cameron if it were not for the Titanic's brave decision to strike the iceberg. If I were the Titanic I would do it all again.

This time painted like a French whore.

[Norton Canes]

Yeah then stroke its face

[hamfist]

I'd come back as its evil sister ship, the "Titanus" and wreak my revenge on ALL ICE. Including Vanilla Ice.

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Everyone always goes on about the band continuing to play as the ship went down; well I bet the music was really annoying and the people who drowned within earshot of the drowning band thought "good".

[Captain Z]

'kin iceberg was muggin' Titanic right off, no ship is going to stand for that.