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Love Actually the film people watch at Christmas

Started by Dannyhood91, December 09, 2018, 07:42:03 AM

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Dannyhood91

I saw this for the first time last night and thought it was awful. The plot of the film is how romance is viewed by people who send body parts in the post to the person they're obsessed with. My girlfriend loved it.

That girl singing at the end was shit, everyone was smug, it was shit and I don't like it.

Please tell me your thoughts and opinions of why I am correct xx

Urinal Cake

When this came out it was billed as the romcom that men would love. Initial reactions were overwhelmingly positive then a few years back people realised it was creepy and cringey as fuck.

I think only a few critics like Will Self hated it with the energy it deserved. Trash male fantasy movie.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

#2
I ranted about this film recently on my Facebook page, and am now going to quote extensively from that very rant. Amongst my favourite storylines are
- The one where Liam Neeson's missus has just carked it, and his son claims to be in love, 'cos a fucking 11 year old child is perfectly capable of understanding the machinations of love, and Liam Neeson buys him a drumkit as opposed to shouting "Your fucking mum and my fucking wife has just fucking died, you stupid little cunt! In fucking love? Get in fucking mourning, you little fucking creep!", prior to giving him a good kicking.
-The one where that charming feller from "My Family" fucks off to America for a holiday, and ends up fucking a load of complete fucking Yank sluts, and they don't even rob his wallet and all his valuables from him, and he comes back from his holiday, and brings back a Yank slut for one of his mates to fuck,  nice thing to do, that is. What a very romantic story.
- The one where Egg from "This Life"/ "The Walking Dead" goes round to Keira Knightley's gaff, and confesses to her how he's basicaly been obsessively stalking her, and filmed exclusively her at his mate's wedding, fucking nice thing to do that , what a good friend he is, and Keira Knightley doesn't immediately call the police, or go and get her husband to kick the shit out of the creepy little fucker, but just says "Oh, that's nice. Cheers." This, too, is a romantic story.
-The one where Alan Rickman's complete fucking whore of a secretary makes it clear he can have a right old go on her, in a scene in which she literally OPENS HER FUCKING LEGS TO HIM, and Alan Rickman thinks "Gosh, I could be in, here.", then fucks off to buy a fucking expensive necklace for the shameless fucking slut, in a fucking hilarious scene with Rowan Atkinson, then thinks, " Oo better buy a Chrimbo pressie for my boring bint missus , as well.", so buys Emma Thompson a fucking Joni Mitchell CD, and she unwraps it on Christmas day, and thinks "Well, I'm not best chuffed with this.", and has a bit of a blub, and later on inducates to Alan Rickman that she may well not let him off with wanting to fuck his secretary, and buying her that fucking shit present, good bit of realism tempering the romance there, what a fucking excellent bit of writing, fucking hell, Richard Curtis, what a fucking genius you are, you old Middle Aged version of Macauley Culkin lookalike, you.
- The one where Colin Firth decides he's in love with his Italian Maid, cos he's seen her looking all sexy and that in a bikini, and has no fucking idea about her fucking personality, but fuck it, she's fit, innit?, so goes off to learn Spick language , then goes and asks her to marry him, and she doesn't say "Fuck Off , you weirdo" to him. This is easily one of the most romantic stories in the whole fucking film.
-The one where it looks like totally totally credible and convincing and believable Rock Star Lugubrious Bill Nighy is going to bum Rab C. Nesbitt.
- At least three seperate bits of fucking funny dialogue where it's indicated that if you're a woman and you're slightly overweight, you're a big fat cow, and no-one's ever going to love you, so you can just about fuck off. Nice, romantic stuff, that.
-Hugh Grant the Prime Minister of England, Billy Bob Thornton the President of The USA, Her off "Eastenders". Fuck Off.

Yes, what a great film "Love, Fucking Actually" is.

monolith

I recently dated a girl who's favourite film is Love Actually. She told me she was in love with me a week after our first date.

This story would work in the film Love Actually, but in real life it chilled me to the bone.

grassbath

It is an abomination, but I first saw it when it came out (I was 10/11), and was very impressed with it being naughty and 'adult,' combined with what I perceived to be the grand scope of it. So it has a strange special nostalgic place in my heart and I can watch it even now and not be too affronted.

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on December 09, 2018, 08:57:24 AM
...
Yes, what a great film "Love, Fucking Actually" is.

You forgot the one where the turning wheels of romantic destiny cruelly deny Laura Linney a relationship with the arty hunk in her office, and presumably anyone else, because she has a mentally ill brother. In the same universe as Nick from My Family flying to the US with a suitcase full of condoms and immediately getting his end away with three cowgirl 'babes.'

Dannyhood91

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on December 09, 2018, 08:57:24 AM
I ranted about this film recently on my Facebook page, and am now going to quote extensively from that very rant. Amongst my favourite storylines are
- The one where Liam Neeson's missus has just carked it, and his son claims to be in love, 'cos a fucking 11 year old child is perfectly capable of understanding the machinations of love, and Liam Neeson buys him a drumkit as opposed to shouting "Your fucking mum and my fucking wife has just fucking died, you stupid little cunt! In fucking love? Get in fucking mourning, you little fucking creep!", prior to giving him a good kicking.
-The one where that charming feller from "My Family" fucks off to America for a holiday, and ends up fucking a load of complete fucking Yank sluts, and they don't even rob his wallet and all his valuables from him, and he comes back from his holiday, and brings back a Yank slut for one of his mates to fuck,  nice thing to do, that is. What a very romantic story.
- The one where Egg from "This Life"/ "The Walking Dead" goes round to Keira Knightley's gaff, and confesses to her how he's basicaly been obsessively stalking her, and filmed exclusively her at his mate's wedding, fucking nice thing to do that , what a good friend he is, and Keira Knightley doesn't immediately call the police, or go and get her husband to kick the shit out of the creepy little fucker, but just says "Oh, that's nice. Cheers." This, too, is a romantic story.
-The one where Alan Rickman's complete fucking whore of a secretary makes it clear he can have a right old go on her, in a scene in which she literally OPENS HER FUCKING LEGS TO HIM, and Alan Rickman thinks "Gosh, I could be in, here.", then fucks off to buy a fucking expensive necklace for the shameless fucking slut, in a fucking hilarious scene with Rowan Atkinson, then thinks, " Oo better buy a Chrimbo pressie for my boring bint missus , as well.", so buys Emma Thompson a fucking Joni Mitchell CD, and she unwraps it on Christmas day, and thinks "Well, I'm not best chuffed with this.", and has a bit of a blub, and later on inducates to Alan Rickman that she may well not let him off with wanting to fuck his secretary, and buying her that fucking shit present, good bit of realism tempering the romance there, what a fucking excellent bit of writing, fucking hell, Richard Curtis, what a fucking genius you are, you old Middle Aged version of Macauley Culkin lookalike, you.
- The one where Colin Firth decides he's in love with his Italian Maid, cos he's seen her looking all sexy and that in a bikini, and has no fucking idea about her fucking personality, but fuck it, she's fit, innit?, so goes off to learn Spick language , then goes and asks her to marry him, and she doesn't say "Fuck Off , you weirdo" to him. This is easily one of the most romantic stories in the whole fucking film.
-The one where it looks like totally totally credible and convincing and believable Rock Star Lugubrious Bill Nighy is going to bum Rab C. Nesbitt.
- At least three seperate bits of fucking funny dialogue where it's indicated that if you're a woman and you're slightly overweight, you're a big fat cow, and no-one's ever going to love you, so you can just about fuck off. Nice, romantic stuff, that.
-Hugh Grant the Prime Minister of England, Billy Bob Thornton the President of The USA, Her off "Eastenders". Fuck Off.

Yes, what a great film "Love, Fucking Actually" is.

I agree with all of that. Fancy meeting up for a grumble under a flyover?

Twit 2

It is a truly rancid film. The best bits swill around in your mouth like stale piss, but the most egregious - HUGH GRANT as the PM, for example - would comfortably rub shoulders with the misdeeds of homicidal tyrants. Compare, as a piece of plotting and dialogue, Grant turning up at his bint's house unannounced and, say, Domitian burying alive the vestal virgin. Who could say which is the greater slander, the worse act of cruelty on the innocent?

garnish

The Colin Firth story is based on Richard Curtis' own experience of giving a lift home each night to his maid who serviced his holiday villa, so what we're really seeing is his wank fantasy played out as he leered at her from the driver's side.

famethrowa

Oh that fucking head on that kid on the drums. Fuck him.

The Alan Rickman bit can fuck off, cause that office girl has a rough head too.

Who's the bloke who Mrs Truman Show is trying to shag? Who knows? Is he even a human?

Best bit is when our beloved PM has to sing carols to the kiddies and his bodyguard joins in. "Deep and CRRRRISP AND EVEN"... Top double take from Hugh there, probably the best acting he's ever done.

I enjoy seeing The Baldy Man anywhere, so that's a plus too.


Dannyhood91

Another thing is that boy had no regard for airport security measures. This was post 9/11. Absolute dick. Should've gotten 35 years mate.

BlodwynPig

All people who enjoyed this film when it came out are now intent on forming a centrist-right government. My most hated film. It of course spawned a whole raft of centrist wank films mostly starring Bill Nye.

I too watched this for the first time after years of people whose taste aligns with mine telling me its a guilty pleasure of theirs. I am astounded how anyone could like this film, the mixture of tones is baffling eg. going from the quite dark story of the woman who gives up her chance of having a fulfilling relationship (or at least having a good bonk) to deal with her intellectually disabled brother, to My Family fucking his way across the American Midwest. Bizarre, awful, sickening, shite.

Oh, and you gotta love Martine McCutcheon, who has a history of eating disorders, being told she's a massive heifer the whole film when she's MAYBE a size 12. I don't really agree with the HAES movement, but it's a good thing that shit wouldn't fly today.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Oh yeah, Liam Neeson getting off with that German model lookalike , actually played by the German fucking model ( forgotten her name, can't be fucked to Google it ). FUCKING BRILLIANT.


Fambo Number Mive

Isn't there that creepy bloke who uses cards with writing on to tell a woman how much he loves her, even though she's in a relationship, and after the 10th card or something and he fucks off she rushes out and kisses him even though he's been a creepy fuck.

BlodwynPig

Egg and Keira - it's probably the most recognisable moment from the movie (which I haven't seen).

Captain Z

All these storylines and yet the only bit I remember is Stacey from Gavin and Stacey getting felt up by Tim From The Office Makes A Face.

Cuellar

Absolute dreck glorifying sex pests and rat cunts. Avoid.

MuteBanana

Quote from: BlodwynPig on December 09, 2018, 04:12:28 PM
Egg and Keira - it's probably the most recognisable moment from the movie (which I haven't seen).

And he was like 35 and she was 18 or summink. Sick.

Anyway never bothered with this. Only one of those films I've seen is Notting Hill. Back in the day with the lads and we all thought it was decent at the time.

Icehaven

I have never seen this film but I can quote it, recount memorable scenes and give a detailed description (although not as detailed as LisaJMC's) about everything that's wrong with it in the same way you don''t have to have met Hitler to know he was a bit rum.


mothman

Quote from: Captain Z on December 09, 2018, 04:54:05 PM
All these storylines and yet the only bit I remember is Stacey from Gavin and Stacey getting felt up by Tim From The Office Makes A Face.

And yet, oddly, this is the first time - I think - that Tim & Stacy plotline has been mentioned in the thread. And it's truly bizarre. What are they even meant to be doing? Stand-ins on a high-budget porn film? I don't think such an occupation even exists.

BlodwynPig

How diverse was this film - all white? There was a gay wasn't there, but that was Bill Nye not a real gay.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: BlodwynPig on December 09, 2018, 07:55:02 PM
How diverse was this film - all white? There was a gay wasn't there, but that was Bill Nye not a real gay.

Keira Knitghley married a black feller, to be fair. Then when his honky white mate comes round with big cue card-type things with " I really fancy you , missus "written on them, she's chuffed to bits, as opposed to absolutely horrified, and saying " I've just married your best mate, you stupid cunt. "

mothman

Did anybody voluntarily watch the Comic Relief sequel? Because after that, they're only going and doing Four Weddings next. Then, who knows? Notting Hill? Because now Julia R. does TV... Then there'll be an About Time...

BlodwynPig


Ron Superior

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on December 09, 2018, 08:20:59 PM
Keira Knitghley married a black feller, to be fair. Then when his honky white mate comes round with big cue card-type things with " I really fancy you , missus "written on them, she's chuffed to bits, as opposed to absolutely horrified, and saying " I've just married your best mate, you stupid cunt. "

Junior Simpson made a joke about Notting Hill having great special effects cos it removed all the black people from Notting Hill. Richard Curtis acknowledged the criticism by casting him in Love Actually for about 12 seconds along with hardly anyone else who isn't white.

There was also the super shitty jokes about Laura Linney's brother who is mentally ill calling her up saying hilarious mental things like does Jon Bon Jovi do exorcisms?

Fucking hate the film.

Chollis

That bit where matey is showing her the cards at the door....that's mental isn't it? Well creepy that mate