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What if your willy was also a stapler.

Started by Replies From View, December 10, 2018, 08:10:25 PM

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Replies From View

I know what you're going to say:  "What do you mean 'also'!!!"

But seriously folks, imagine if your willy was also a stapler.  IT WOULD BE ABLE TO STAPLE MOST THINGS THAT AN OFFICE STAPLER CAN MANAGE.  Only drawback is that this isn't a Sam Raimi Spider-Man film so you'll need to keep refilling those staples manually.  Still good though right??

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Between this and that fucking ball rubbing thread....

Right, that's it. I'm oot.

Glebe


Replies From View


Sebastian Cobb

Does it automatically staple anything that goes near it, or do I have to smash my palm on it like I do with a normal stapler?

Replies From View

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on December 10, 2018, 08:59:06 PM
Does it automatically staple anything that goes near it, or do I have to smash my palm on it like I do with a normal stapler?

Of course you need to smash your palm on it as per a normal stapler.  With no choice or control in the matter you'd be the Midas of stapling with your cock.

Glebe

What if Oor Wullie was a stapler?

What then?

Replies From View

Quote from: Glebe on December 10, 2018, 10:14:41 PM
What if Oor Wullie was a stapler?

What then?

No thank you, that is off-topic.  Take it to the Oor Wullie thread.

pancreas


hamfist

I would push my willy in the ladi place then staple shut cervix with first staple shot. then fucking, and whe do babby glue shot it make no babby becos staple it shut

Replies From View


popcorn

I think this is an unrealistic idea. In my opinion, it could not be done.

Norton Canes


Replies From View

Quote from: popcorn on December 11, 2018, 01:17:33 AM
I think this is an unrealistic idea. In my opinion, it could not be done.

Alright Duncan Bannatyne.

pancreas

Quote from: Replies From View on December 11, 2018, 12:55:22 AM
You just put them in.

This is what it says on the instruction manual? You'll never get it past single market regs.

There should be a diagram of which bits of your penis you have to pull apart to get to the staple chamber and with which orientation the staples should be inserted. Plus the staple width and depth clearly indicated. Are we talking standard gauge, or some sort of annoying specialist type?

Also, while we're at it, I'm very concerned that modifying your penis in this way will really fuck it up. For example, in a normal stapler there is a metal platform which bends the staples round to close them off. Suppose you've got one corner of a bunch of paper stuck half way up your cock and you're ready to slam down (on a table?) to complete the stapling. If you don't have such a metal platform in your penis you'll be banging the staples closed as they scrape along the base of your penis. This is going to get very messy and bloody very quickly.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Replies From View on December 10, 2018, 09:54:47 PM
Of course you need to smash your palm on it as per a normal stapler.  With no choice or control in the matter you'd be the Midas of stapling with your cock.

Not arsed then. I wanted to be able to split and immediately fix any crotch-tears in situ, with me cock.

chveik

and what if your stapler was also a willy?

Replies From View

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on December 11, 2018, 06:34:24 PM
Not arsed then. I wanted to be able to split and immediately fix any crotch-tears in situ, with me cock.

Just carry enough staples in your bum bag like everybody else.

Replies From View

Quote from: pancreas on December 11, 2018, 04:58:33 PM
This is what it says on the instruction manual? You'll never get it past single market regs.

There should be a diagram of which bits of your penis you have to pull apart to get to the staple chamber and with which orientation the staples should be inserted. Plus the staple width and depth clearly indicated. Are we talking standard gauge, or some sort of annoying specialist type?

Also, while we're at it, I'm very concerned that modifying your penis in this way will really fuck it up. For example, in a normal stapler there is a metal platform which bends the staples round to close them off. Suppose you've got one corner of a bunch of paper stuck half way up your cock and you're ready to slam down (on a table?) to complete the stapling. If you don't have such a metal platform in your penis you'll be banging the staples closed as they scrape along the base of your penis. This is going to get very messy and bloody very quickly.

I'll try to get the instruction manual updated; thanks for your suggestions.

Yes of course there will be a metal platform added to your penis.  I don't see why any modifications like this would fuck it up, though.  Our company motto is "Not ruining it....  Adding to it!!"  And there's no arguing with a company motto.

popcorn

What I think would make sense would be that you would have to wank your penis off until finally you cum, but instead of shooting cum, you just cum out a staple, kerchunk. I think that would make sense.

Replies From View

Quote from: popcorn on December 11, 2018, 07:09:40 PM
What I think would make sense would be that you would have to wank your penis off until finally you cum, but instead of shooting cum, you just cum out a staple, kerchunk. I think that would make sense.

I've already explicitly stated that this isn't Sam Raimi's Spider-Man.

Have some respect for basic physics.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: popcorn on December 11, 2018, 07:09:40 PM
What I think would make sense would be that you would have to wank your penis off until finally you cum, but instead of shooting cum, you just cum out a staple, kerchunk. I think that would make sense.

Mine's more like a hilti gun.

popcorn

Quote from: Replies From View on December 11, 2018, 07:11:48 PM
I've already explicitly stated that this isn't Sam Raimi's Spider-Man.

Have some respect for basic physics.

No I think this makes sense.

You would get your papers together and then think "now it's time to staple them", and you'd stand at your desk and work yourself into a froth until finally kerchunk. I think this makes sense.

Lord Mandrake

How many pages can it do at once? Thanks in advance.

Norton Canes

I could probably do a whole quire with mine

Replies From View

Quote from: Lord Mandrake on December 12, 2018, 08:21:17 PM
How many pages can it do at once? Thanks in advance.

Basically it's almost as good as a standard office stapler, in terms of what it can staple and how much.

pancreas

If your willy became a stapler, it would be helpful if the foof of a female friend could become a staple remover in case of accidents.

Cuellar


Lord Mandrake

Quote from: Replies From View on December 13, 2018, 11:14:48 AM
Basically it's almost as good as a standard office stapler, in terms of what it can staple and how much.

I am interested in having the procedure but these vague details are making me think the Hole punch option is safer and more regulated.

Replies From View

Quote from: pancreas on December 13, 2018, 02:23:47 PM
If your willy became a stapler, it would be helpful if the foof of a female friend could become a staple remover in case of accidents.

We do have patent pending on that, yes.  Not just "in case of accidents" but because the poetic balance between the opposing genitals would be pleasant.