Author Topic: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread  (Read 1620 times)

Blue Jam

  • Known knobhead
2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« on: December 12, 2018, 01:26:42 PM »
Not yet seen any "Winter Blunderland"-type stories about a promised magical kingdom with tickets at £20 a pop turning out to be a pen full of dogs wearing antlers, a drunk in a Santa suit and an angry dad punching an elf, but an entire deep-fried Christmas dinner can be yours:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-business-46500570

Meanwhile Wigan council have come up with a fantastic excuse for Britain's Worst Christmas Tree- "It hasn't finished growing yet":

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/worst-christmas-tree-tyldesleywigan-15465402

...and so far the Gävle Goat LIVES, but will moving a taxi rank nearer to it really protect it, or will it just bring more Legend Gävles within petrol bomb-chucking distance?

https://www.thelocal.se/20181201/swedens-gvle-christmas-goat-ready-to-return-for-festive-season

https://youtu.be/ryF6_89BYJE

biggytitbo

  • WHAT ABOUT THE GODDAM JAFFA CAKES ASSWIPE
    • theunredacted
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2018, 01:35:15 PM »
I had some battered sprouts one christmas after slipping badly on the ice.

Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2018, 01:39:13 PM »
Just Christmas in general, really.

Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2018, 01:46:02 PM »
Not yet seen any "Winter Blunderland"-type stories about a promised magical kingdom with tickets at £20 a pop turning out to be a pen full of dogs wearing antlers, a drunk in a Santa suit and an angry dad punching an elf. . .

Tis the season!

"it turned out to be just plastic tiles and a guy putting down soap"

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/filthy-plastic-ice-rink-deflated-15463643

Blue Jam

  • Known knobhead
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2018, 01:59:43 PM »
£5? A ticket for Edinburgh's Christmas ice rink costs £12.50 and it's just an ice rink, no Santa's grotto, jumble sale or leaky snowglobe included. It is made out of actual ice though...

biggytitbo

  • WHAT ABOUT THE GODDAM JAFFA CAKES ASSWIPE
    • theunredacted
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2018, 02:10:55 PM »
It's good to take kids to these desolate car parks decorated with a bit of tinsel, it teaches them that life is fundamentally disappointing and empty and all your dreams and hopes will ultimately be shattered.

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2018, 02:46:53 PM »
Mum spits in face of Christmas elf in Stockton shopping centre

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-46536214

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2018, 02:48:52 PM »
Christmas dinner stolen from Portsmouth retirement home

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-46536075

Attila

  • gif made by hedgehog90
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2018, 03:21:28 PM »
Mum spits in face of Christmas elf in Stockton shopping centre

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-46536214

Quote from: Baby Jesus
She also verbally abused other elves


im barry bethel

  • Member
  • **
  • to be fair I don't care
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2018, 03:22:26 PM »
Fury as reindeer are cancelled this Christmas for Hinckley's festive switch-on


https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwiT09uJy5rfAhUP1xoKHcvRCfMQzPwBegQIARAC&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.leicestermercury.co.uk%2Fnews%2Flocal-news%2Ffury-reindeer-cancelled-christmas-hinckleys-2224021&psig=AOvVaw1Oi17MEt5D3_7UKwbnAViy&ust=1544714231638482


It's not all bad news though

Quote
Tomorrow Hinckley’s lights will be switched on with the popular Tin Hat Fair taking place in the town centre

BlodwynPig

  • R.I.P. The Waxwork René
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2018, 03:36:49 PM »
Puppet Goblin reanimates and shoves Christmas twig up teenager's nostril

seepage

  • throwing a dog at some goblins
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2018, 03:40:47 PM »
Quote
She also verbally abused other elves

I got quite cross with a kobold the other day

Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Upphängningspunkterna
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2018, 03:48:54 PM »
Furry arsed reindeer are cancelled this Christmas for Hinckley's festive switch-on




Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2018, 03:50:02 PM »
From the Daily Bollocks:

A 'Bad Santa' tore off his beard and swore in front of stunned children and parents at a Christmas grotto.
The 'absolute disgrace' is believed to have lost his cool after the smoke machine at a 'children's rave' in the same building set off the fire alarm in St Ives.
He burst into a room, 'ripped his hat and beard off' and shouted 'get the f*** out', according one shocked father. 

Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2018, 03:56:06 PM »
As someone originally from the Midlands I always look forward to the annual banned Christmas stories. 21 years and counting since the original Winterval #neverforget.

BlodwynPig

  • R.I.P. The Waxwork René
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #15 on: December 12, 2018, 04:43:47 PM »
Dawson Creek Legend found balls deep in mince pie scoffing Walthamstow Santa

Tikwid

  • "Always got to wash them at their ends."
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #16 on: December 12, 2018, 08:06:27 PM »
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/dec/12/raging-cornish-santa-angers-parents-with-beard-ripping-tantrum
Quote
An irate Santa Claus astonished children at a Christmas event in St Ives, Cambridgeshire, this week when he burst out of his grotto during a fire evacuation to shout and swear at them while tearing off his hat and beard.

The entertainer is understood to have told attendees to “get the fuck out” after a smoke machine at a family-friendly rave in the same building as his grotto set off a fire alarm.

Attila

  • gif made by hedgehog90
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #17 on: December 12, 2018, 08:08:40 PM »
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/dec/12/raging-cornish-santa-angers-parents-with-beard-ripping-tantrum

Quote
The woman said one of her friend’s children became extremely distressed when “Santa told them to get the fuck out”.

It's enough to make me start believing in Santa.

Blue Jam

  • Known knobhead
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #18 on: December 12, 2018, 08:46:49 PM »
Pffffftt, if I was a disgruntled middle-aged drunk reduced to dressing up as Santa for a living and I wanted to take my frustrations out on some innocent children I wouldn't swear at them, I'd just calmly tell them all "SANTA ISN'T REAL".

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #19 on: December 12, 2018, 09:10:38 PM »
Pffffftt, if I was a disgruntled middle-aged drunk reduced to dressing up as Santa for a living and I wanted to take my frustrations out on some innocent children I wouldn't swear at them, I'd just calmly tell them all "SANTA ISN'T REAL".

But what better way of really destroying the magic than this. They might not hear or understand that, whereas they'll never forget a horrible abusive drunk santa.

FerriswheelBueller

  • Bautista with a drive, deep left-field!
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #20 on: December 13, 2018, 03:21:46 AM »
Unfortunately this happened well before my CaB career and I’m sure has been posted extensively, but as this is (almost) my home town, it was genuinely the first I’d heard of it since I left it a decade prior.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-30491659

I laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

Blue Jam

  • Known knobhead
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #21 on: December 14, 2018, 12:25:30 PM »
Someone stole Wizzard's tour van:

https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/christmas-cancelled-pop-star-roy-15547503

That's not very Christmassy... in happier news- they got it back:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-46565469

Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #22 on: December 14, 2018, 12:28:38 PM »
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/dec/12/raging-cornish-santa-angers-parents-with-beard-ripping-tantrum

My home town is famous! Fucking stop calling us Cornish, that's the OTHER ST. IVES (IN CORNWALL!!!). Was it just because it was in the Corn Exchange?


Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #24 on: December 14, 2018, 05:17:20 PM »
Not worth a look at all. Rubbish.

Blue Jam

  • Known knobhead
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #25 on: December 14, 2018, 05:53:14 PM »
Well, all I can see is a giant inflatable HUMBUG ^^^

dr beat

  • You're dealing with loved ones, I won't have it
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #26 on: December 14, 2018, 07:14:09 PM »
Of course Roy Wood's daughter's called Holly. Works on so many levels. Well two.

Blue Jam

  • Known knobhead
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #27 on: December 21, 2018, 05:56:40 PM »
When did "Mad Friday" get renamed "Black Eye Friday"? As if it wasn't bleak enough already.

What could be bleaker? Only a reporter shadowing bouncers so we can all have a good gawp at the bleakness:

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/black-eye-mad-friday-live-15581004.amp

A more worthy endeavour but no less bleak:

https://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/17309302.police-to-share-details-of-all-calls-on-black-eye-friday/

Blue Jam

  • Known knobhead
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #28 on: December 21, 2018, 10:00:01 PM »

BlodwynPig

  • R.I.P. The Waxwork René
Re: 2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread
« Reply #29 on: December 21, 2018, 10:48:35 PM »
When did "Mad Friday" get renamed "Black Eye Friday"? As if it wasn't bleak enough already.

What could be bleaker? Only a reporter shadowing bouncers so we can all have a good gawp at the bleakness:

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/black-eye-mad-friday-live-15581004.amp

A more worthy endeavour but no less bleak:

https://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/17309302.police-to-share-details-of-all-calls-on-black-eye-friday/

Not a busy night. Pubs shutting early. Wasted person-hours reporting on this. It’s Durham, not Middlesbrough ffs