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March 28, 2024, 06:05:49 PM

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2018 Christmas Bleakness News Roundup Thread

Started by Blue Jam, December 12, 2018, 01:26:42 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Blue Jam

Not yet seen any "Winter Blunderland"-type stories about a promised magical kingdom with tickets at £20 a pop turning out to be a pen full of dogs wearing antlers, a drunk in a Santa suit and an angry dad punching an elf, but an entire deep-fried Christmas dinner can be yours:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-business-46500570

Meanwhile Wigan council have come up with a fantastic excuse for Britain's Worst Christmas Tree- "It hasn't finished growing yet":

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/worst-christmas-tree-tyldesleywigan-15465402

...and so far the Gävle Goat LIVES, but will moving a taxi rank nearer to it really protect it, or will it just bring more Legend Gävles within petrol bomb-chucking distance?

https://www.thelocal.se/20181201/swedens-gvle-christmas-goat-ready-to-return-for-festive-season

https://youtu.be/ryF6_89BYJE

biggytitbo

I had some battered sprouts one christmas after slipping badly on the ice.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain


Quote from: Blue Jam on December 12, 2018, 01:26:42 PM
Not yet seen any "Winter Blunderland"-type stories about a promised magical kingdom with tickets at £20 a pop turning out to be a pen full of dogs wearing antlers, a drunk in a Santa suit and an angry dad punching an elf. . .

Tis the season!

"it turned out to be just plastic tiles and a guy putting down soap"

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/filthy-plastic-ice-rink-deflated-15463643

Blue Jam

£5? A ticket for Edinburgh's Christmas ice rink costs £12.50 and it's just an ice rink, no Santa's grotto, jumble sale or leaky snowglobe included. It is made out of actual ice though...

biggytitbo

It's good to take kids to these desolate car parks decorated with a bit of tinsel, it teaches them that life is fundamentally disappointing and empty and all your dreams and hopes will ultimately be shattered.


Cuellar


Attila

Quote from: Captain Z on December 12, 2018, 02:46:53 PM
Mum spits in face of Christmas elf in Stockton shopping centre

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-46536214

Quote from: Baby Jesus
She also verbally abused other elves


im barry bethel


BlodwynPig

Puppet Goblin reanimates and shoves Christmas twig up teenager's nostril

seepage

QuoteShe also verbally abused other elves

I got quite cross with a kobold the other day

Dex Sawash


Jittlebags

From the Daily Bollocks:

A 'Bad Santa' tore off his beard and swore in front of stunned children and parents at a Christmas grotto.
The 'absolute disgrace' is believed to have lost his cool after the smoke machine at a 'children's rave' in the same building set off the fire alarm in St Ives.
He burst into a room, 'ripped his hat and beard off' and shouted 'get the f*** out', according one shocked father. 

Sebastian Cobb

As someone originally from the Midlands I always look forward to the annual banned Christmas stories. 21 years and counting since the original Winterval #neverforget.

BlodwynPig

Dawson Creek Legend found balls deep in mince pie scoffing Walthamstow Santa

Tikwid

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/dec/12/raging-cornish-santa-angers-parents-with-beard-ripping-tantrum
Quote
An irate Santa Claus astonished children at a Christmas event in St Ives, Cambridgeshire, this week when he burst out of his grotto during a fire evacuation to shout and swear at them while tearing off his hat and beard.

The entertainer is understood to have told attendees to "get the fuck out" after a smoke machine at a family-friendly rave in the same building as his grotto set off a fire alarm.

Attila

Quote from: Tikwid on December 12, 2018, 08:06:27 PM
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/dec/12/raging-cornish-santa-angers-parents-with-beard-ripping-tantrum

Quote
The woman said one of her friend's children became extremely distressed when "Santa told them to get the fuck out".

It's enough to make me start believing in Santa.

Blue Jam

Pffffftt, if I was a disgruntled middle-aged drunk reduced to dressing up as Santa for a living and I wanted to take my frustrations out on some innocent children I wouldn't swear at them, I'd just calmly tell them all "SANTA ISN'T REAL".

Cuellar

Quote from: Blue Jam on December 12, 2018, 08:46:49 PM
Pffffftt, if I was a disgruntled middle-aged drunk reduced to dressing up as Santa for a living and I wanted to take my frustrations out on some innocent children I wouldn't swear at them, I'd just calmly tell them all "SANTA ISN'T REAL".

But what better way of really destroying the magic than this. They might not hear or understand that, whereas they'll never forget a horrible abusive drunk santa.

Ferris

Unfortunately this happened well before my CaB career and I'm sure has been posted extensively, but as this is (almost) my home town, it was genuinely the first I'd heard of it since I left it a decade prior.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-30491659

I laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

Blue Jam


Chollis




Blue Jam

Well, all I can see is a giant inflatable HUMBUG ^^^

dr beat

Of course Roy Wood's daughter's called Holly. Works on so many levels. Well two.

Blue Jam

When did "Mad Friday" get renamed "Black Eye Friday"? As if it wasn't bleak enough already.

What could be bleaker? Only a reporter shadowing bouncers so we can all have a good gawp at the bleakness:

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/black-eye-mad-friday-live-15581004.amp

A more worthy endeavour but no less bleak:

https://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/17309302.police-to-share-details-of-all-calls-on-black-eye-friday/

Blue Jam


BlodwynPig

Quote from: Blue Jam on December 21, 2018, 05:56:40 PM
When did "Mad Friday" get renamed "Black Eye Friday"? As if it wasn't bleak enough already.

What could be bleaker? Only a reporter shadowing bouncers so we can all have a good gawp at the bleakness:

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/black-eye-mad-friday-live-15581004.amp

A more worthy endeavour but no less bleak:

https://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/17309302.police-to-share-details-of-all-calls-on-black-eye-friday/

Not a busy night. Pubs shutting early. Wasted person-hours reporting on this. It's Durham, not Middlesbrough ffs