Loverman strikes again

[bgmnts]

A particularly good one here. Talked for a few months rather than only a morning though.

[Cuellar]

#humblebrag

[Jamaican clothes golem]

Get the fuck out of Newport mate.

[bgmnts]

Get the fuck out of Newport mate.

I'm not in Newport, i trt never to go there unless I absolutely have to! This girl is American.

[Captain Z]

The saddest part is that you

[Pingers]

The saddest part is that you

will just go and post this on that forum you are always on with all those other garden variety losers

[shiftwork2]

The protracted nature of this is interesting.  He / she wants to get back with you perhaps.

Having said that he / she is genuinely a good person and you are one of those bad to the bone fuckers so you simply don't deserve them I'm afraid.

[thenoise]

Ok, what shitty message did you send them before they replied with this? Cos this looks very much like their trying to 'own' the break up after a particularly shitty 'welcome to Dumpsville' message from you.

Edit: might be best to avoid 'sexually driven relationship's for a while.

[bgmnts]

Ok, what shitty message did you send them before they replied with this? Cos this looks very much like their trying to 'own' the break up after a particularly shitty 'welcome to Dumpsville' message from you.

Edit: might be best to avoid 'sexually driven relationship's for a while.

She decided to atop liking me randomly aftee months of talking. It wasn't me breaking it off. I sent her a message telling her she was being a bit selfish and shitty, which is fair enough.

And got that in response. I dont even know what a sexually driven relationship is, or what she means by it!

[Brundle-Fly]

What is the significance of the '6'? That would drive me mad.

[St_Eddie]

I dont even know what a sexually driven relationship is, or what she means by it!

TRANSLATION: "I want you to think that I was NEVER even vaguely interested in you as a person.  It was sex and nothing else.  Please, please, pretty please believe me and be hurt by that notion."

[bgmnts]

TRANSLATION: "I want you to think that I was NEVER even vaguely interested in you as a person.  It was sex and nothing else.  Honest."

I don't get it though, this girl is a virgin. People really confuse me.

[St_Eddie]

People really confuse me.

Nowt more confusing than people.

[Chollis]

She decided to atop liking me randomly aftee months of talking. It wasn't me breaking it off. I sent her a message telling her she was being a bit selfish and shitty, which is fair enough.

Why is it "fair enough" to tell someone they're selfish and shitty because they stopped liking you after "months of talking". I'd fucking hate anyone I talked to for that long, including my mum.

[Great Satan]

Is this the same person from the last time you made a thread like this, bgmnts?

[bgmnts]

Why is it "fair enough" to tell someone they're selfish and shitty because they stopped liking you after "3 months of talking". I'd fucking hate anyone I talked to for that long, including my mum.

No it was the way she tried to turn it around onto me being the problem and making the choice and sayjng I only wanted her for sexual reasons, despite living far apart. That'a why I called her selfish and shitty because that was a particularly selfish and shitty thing to do.

And nah this is a different person.

[Great Satan]

But what's prompting two different people to call you "toxic"? You seem alright to me.

Has "toxic" become a common catch-all word these days?

[thenoise]

TRANSLATION: "I want you to think that I was NEVER even vaguely interested in you as a person.  It was sex and nothing else.  Please, please, pretty please believe me and be hurt by that notion."

I think I'd actually prefer this than being told they liked me as a person but were put off by my terrible sexual performance.

I don't get it though, this girl is a virgin.

Ha ha, oh well. Dating sites are full of crazies and weirdos.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I'm pretty sure Bgmnts impregnated that woman and this is the daughter texting the future, appalled at her father trying to seduce her. I mean I could be wrong, but it's pretty bloody unlikely.

[Pingers]

Don't mention the urophilia until at least the third date

[QDRPHNC]

Not enough information.

[Icehaven]

I don't understand the second part of the first sentence ''...and however really feels, which you already know.'' I get that it's probably just a typo but I'm too dim to work out what it's supposed to say.

[confettiinmyhair]

How do you sustain correspondence with someone like this online for such a long time? Was there a hope you'd meet up one day?

[to infect aside]

This sort of thing, along with the workplace bathroom onanism, is probably not very good for your soul.

[Ambient Sheep]

I'm genuinely a good person and you're genuinely a bad person

I very much doubt she is, because if she really was genuinely a good person, she very probably wouldn't have said those last six words (or however many it actually took her) to you.

Unless you confessed to something like murdering puppies or fucking kids, that is.  Or fucking puppies and murdering kids.

Seems like projection and insecurity on her part to me, although I could be wrong.


Having said that, can I say something to you?  (I was lurking on and off during the last couple of threads you made like this and wanted to chip in then but didn't feel up to it, I only barely do now, but by fuck it needs saying.)

If you want to get anywhere romantically, you need to LOSE THE SELF-PITY.  Easier said than done I know, but potential partners can smell it a mile off and nothing puts them off faster.

Trust me, I know: I was quite like you in my late teens and early twenties... convinced I was fat and physically unattractive (I was neither, and neither are you)... not understanding why any girls were interested (looking back, some clearly WERE, but were put off by my, yes, toxic attitude that I didn't even realise I had) and ending up highly bitter about it (which was also detectable) and in the end desperate (which again, people can smell a mile off).

It IS a vicious circle and one that isn't always easy to break, but you need to work on breaking.  God knows I'm no therapist but here's some advice off the top of my head.

1. As said, lose the self-pity.  If you can't yet do that internally, at least try externally... cut out any "woe is me" type pronouncements when talking to people... it's not cute, it doesn't make them think "awwww" and want to give you a hug (which is a misapprehension I laboured under for years), it just makes them think "oh christ, fucked up person that's going to be a pain to sort out, avoid!"

2. Related to the above, try to be a bit more positive about yourself.  Several people here have told you that from your photos you're actually quite an attractive human being, yet you persist with the "I'm ugly" schtick.  Try, at least try, to believe what these people are telling you and stop doing yourself down about it... again, it won't get you the sympathy vote, it's not tragically romantic or anything, it's just fucking annoying.

3. Here's the tricky one, try to appear confident.  Confidence is so sexy.  Contrary to what you may think (and apologies if you don't), being a doomed poet locked up in a garret listening to The Smiths gets you nowhere.  I spent years back in the 80s doing that, dreaming that one day I'd find some like-minded shy and/or gothy girl who felt the same way but it very seldom happens.  Without oversharing here (maybe later) I found a few years ago that being confident makes one attractive... very attractive.  Of course when one's not confident this doesn't help, which is where I believe that revolting phrase "fake it 'til you make it" comes in.  The one good thing about that is that eventually the fake becomes real.

Sorry, am not explaining this very well... I've run out of energy.  I did have more to say but it's largely gone now, plus what more I did write I was struggling with the wording of, like the end of the above.

I know you probably won't find the above much help, because I'm not sure I would have listened when I was your age and in your position (in particular I would have found the suggestion to fake my confidence downright offensive).  But just some words to think about.

I hope I've not been too patronising, but as a 54-year-old man who 30-35 years ago was trapped in a similar hole to you, but then broke out of it and has had a great time since, it pains me to see you going through it and I want to try to help at least a bit.


Now just caught up with the rest of this thread.  Now I know that she's an American virgin it makes a lot more sense... she's definitely just being all prissy and holier-than-thou to make herself feel better.  Two things therefore:

1. Please take my above advice to relate more to your previous thread(s) than this one.

2. Stop chatting up American girls.  I'm not sure I want to state all my reasons for saying that, but one major practical reason is that nowadays its almost impossible for you to ever be together unless you win the lottery or get a six-figure job.  It can be a lot of fun but basically it's pie in the sky stuff.  Stick to the UK, and Europe while you can.

[Blue Jam]

Translation: "It's alright- I never wanted one of your smelly sweets anyway..."

[Noonling]

2. Stop chatting up American girls.  I'm not sure I want to state all my reasons for saying that, but one major practical reason is that nowadays its almost impossible for you to ever be together unless you win the lottery or get a six-figure job.  It can be a lot of fun but basically it's pie in the sky stuff.  Stick to the UK, and Europe while you can.

I agree with all of Ambient Sheep's words, but especially this... Why even bother pursuing a woman outside of Europe (or UK)? I'm assuming this is on some dating website and not just someone you were chatting to as friends off some forum etc. If you fall in love you would just be both frustrated by lack of contact, and if you did ever meet up you could be sorely disappointed.

Unless you are a weirdo who likes the safety of chatting to women when you know it could never work out - "Well she hates me...But eh, we were never going to be a thing anyway."

[drummersaredeaf]

Yeah, stop wasting my profile on bloody Americans.

Though I seem to have niche appeal to Americans for some reason. I have my part to play in this.

[QDRPHNC]

I believe that revolting phrase "fake it 'til you make it" comes in.  The one good thing about that is that eventually the fake becomes real.

Isn't that the whole point of the phrase? It works.

All good advice Ambient Sheep. Maybe I'm misreading the tone of this thread, but it seems like there's a lot of assumptions being made about the woman here, based on no other contextual information beyond this single message. I've run into crazies on Tinder, but if two different women sent me two such similar messages, it might be time to have a look at myself.

I'd be curious to see "the truth about [her]self" that bgmnts sent.

[Noonling]

All good advice Ambient Sheep. Maybe I'm misreading the tone of this thread, but it seems like there's a lot of assumption being made about the woman here, based on no other contextual information beyond this single message. I've run into crazies on Tinder, but if two different women sent me two such similar messages, it might be time to have a look at myself.

I'm also inclined to think two women sending such messages is a sign about bgmnts, but... Both the messages he's received seem strange, regardless of what came before. Both women seem to see things very black and white, and the first one especially was keen to be cruel. If anything I'm inclined to think bgmnts simply talks to the type of women other people know to avoid.