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Mr Taxidermist, Please Stuff My Cat

Started by Lisa Jesusandmarychain, December 14, 2018, 07:23:17 AM

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Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Mr. Taxidermist,
Please stuff my cat.
I think that you're a good taxidermist,
I don't think you're a twat.
My cat died recently
with a smile on its face
not because I'd been fucking it
for that would be a disgrace.
In any case it's a well known fact that these feline creatures
Upon seeing a cat of the opposite sex, and saying "pleased to meet yers."
then getting down to having sex, cos cats don't waste any time,
regard sex as not much fun, unlike listening to Grime
( Grime's a kind of music, and music listening's a hobby
remember that dead good scissors kick goal scored by Stiles, Nobby?)
Actually forget that last line, for I digress;
The point is that cats don't really enjoy the act of sexual congress,
not even with their own species, so if a big fuck off human being
tried to fuck them up the rectal passage, it's not a smile on their face you would be seeing,
so the reason for the smile on my cat's lovely chops
is not cos I was fucking it, so please don't call the cops
Or indeed the RSPCA, or any organisation like that
Oh, Mr Taxidermist,
Please stuff my cat.

And when the cat has been stuffed, put on my mantelpiece
still smiling serenely, and looking completely at peace
I'll invite you over for a game of "Trivial Pursuit".
and we'll both look at my cat,looking all dead and cute.
Then I'l break out the french fancies,and make a pot of tea
I can talk to you, and you can talk to me.
We'll talk about "Luther", and say it's a load of old bollocks
Then talk about top abstract expressionist paintings, like those of Jackson Pollock's,
then we'll go back to talking about "Luther", as I hadn't finished with that topic, sorry, don't mean to nag
and we'll both agree that Alice Morgan looks like John Gordon Sinclair in drag
In years to come, we'll look back on that moment as when we first kissed,
because I really fancy you, you sexy taxidermist.
For bringing us together, I have to thank my deceased moggy
I hope that after that kiss, we don't go on to play that public school game where you have to make the biscuit soggy
For that's not a romantic thing, and would really spoil the moment,
Oh lovely taxidermist, I believe you were heaven sent.
Quite ironic really, for my cat to heaven was despatched
then when I went to get it stuffed, it wasnae long before the eggs of romance were hatched,
you're a beautiful man as well as a taxidermist, you really must believe,
there's no-one else I want to be with, apart from that fit bird off "Killing Eve".


(*every* fucking Friday, I do stuff like this. Fuck's sake. )

Lemming


pancreas

Hey Mr Taxidermist, stuff my cat for me.
It's not breathing and there's nothing on my mantlepiece.
Hey Mr Taxidermist, stuff my cat for me.
In my feline-friendly mourning I'll be following you.

Dex Sawash

Twas then when the Taxidermy Man
Came stuffing cats with fluff
Then when the Taxidermy Man
Came stuffing cats with fluff
"Taxidermy,Taxidermy, Taxidermydermy" he sang
"Taxidermy,Taxidermy, Taxidermydermy" he sang
"Taxidermy,Taxidermy, Taxidermydermy" he sang

Sebastian Cobb


Replies From View

None of these Chordettes lyrics even remotely scan.

Hey, Punk!

....the later verse of Christopher Smart is not as critically regarded.

Chairman Bodog

Oh my snatchbap. Love me a wired river.