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Poltergeist activity occurring right now

Started by Mark Steels Stockbroker, December 15, 2018, 09:11:22 PM

Previous topic - Next topic


St_Eddie

No.  Everything's normal in my flat; no lights flickering, no strange sounds, chair is levitating in the corner.  Business as usual.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Give us a shout when it start throwing you around the room or interfering with you, sexually.

Replies From View

Is there such a thing as Poltergeists that work in cahoots with Kleenex and other tissue companies?  It certainly isn't me constantly clogging up my nostrils with snot, so what is?

Cuellar


biggytitbo

We had a poltergeist in our old house in the 80s, it had a voracious appetite for sausage rolls. You could put a sausage roll down and within about 10 seconds it would be gone, usually with a haunting scrawl written on a nearby surface saying something like 'more sausage rolls, maybe some pasties' or just 'cunt' in some cases.

Chairman Bodog

Black magic is real. Even the Rothschilds and FDR know this. Stop playing crusade and dawkins and know we won't live as long as everything made senseless under the sun.

king_tubby

The lights have been flickering all over West Yorkshire but apparently it's something to with the National Grid rather than any Riding wide poltergoost activity.

St_Eddie

Quote from: biggytitbo on December 15, 2018, 09:58:07 PM
We had a poltergeist in our old house in the 80s, it had a voracious appetite for sausage rolls. You could put a sausage roll down and within about 10 seconds it would be gone, usually with a haunting scrawl written on a nearby surface saying something like 'more sausage rolls, maybe some pasties' or just 'cunt' in some cases.

Give it up, biggytitbo.  Your Mum already knows that the "poltergeist" was you.

Alberon

If only there was an organisation where I could hire on a temporary basis a spirit who has passed on.

Replies From View

As yet no new poltergeists are being manufactured in Balham.

I'll keep you posted about any changes.

Lost Oliver

Went on a ghost hunt a couple of weeks ago and it was, you may be shocked to read, absolute bollocks. Going from room to room with a team of 'experts' who would occasional shout: "If there's someone there, please make the teddy bear light up."

I had to stifle a laugh when the Ouija Board brought up a mess of consonants and the medium's response was: "Clearly the spirit we are talking to is illiterate. Can you confirm that for me spirit?"

All in all it was a sad experience. Parents, desperate to reconnect with their children, children desperate to reconnect with their parents. I left the night feeling very hollow.

Cuellar

That's because a ghost had taken residence within your tummy.

BlodwynPig


BlodwynPig

Quote from: Lost Oliver on December 16, 2018, 08:41:32 PM
Went on a ghost hunt a couple of weeks ago and it was, you may be shocked to read, absolute bollocks. Going from room to room with a team of 'experts' who would occasional shout: "If there's someone there, please make the teddy bear light up."

I had to stifle a laugh when the Ouija Board brought up a mess of consonants and the medium's response was: "Clearly the spirit we are talking to is illiterate. Can you confirm that for me spirit?"

All in all it was a sad experience. Parents, desperate to reconnect with their children, children desperate to reconnect with their parents. I left the night feeling very hollow.


But you were the ghost

St_Eddie

Quote from: Lost Oliver on December 16, 2018, 08:41:32 PM
All in all it was a sad experience. Parents, desperate to reconnect with their children, children desperate to reconnect with their parents.

...Ghosts desperate for charlatans to fuck off and leave them in peace.

Uncle TechTip

Quote from: St_Eddie on December 15, 2018, 09:29:08 PM
No.  Everything's normal in my flat; no lights flickering, no strange sounds, chair is levitating in the corner.  Business as usual.

It's probably just a ghost.

St_Eddie


Sin Agog

I remember feeling extremely short-changed one Halloween when me and my cousins were exchanging horror stories.  I began the proceedings by telling them about the time my grandma was babysitting, and didn't notice my forty-hour absence after my brother locked me in the upstairs toilet with the outside lock.  With the light off.  Imagined all manner of visitations from the attic-ghosts who tried their best to break my spirit, and very nearly succeeded.  My younger cousin Peppi told a more traditional fictional tale about an ax-wielding maniac.  Then her older sister Cerina stepped up to the plate and said, "After working my way up the chain at McDonalds for five years, I had a moment of clarity: I was totally wasting my life.  But imagine...I might still be working there today." To be fair, she went on to do makeup, model design and computer effects for all the new Star Wars, but that is still a really, really shitty horror story.

Lost Oliver

Tbf McDonalds can be pretty scary. Especially when there's a law suit involved right guys?!

Came home early yesterday, flicked the light switch, and surprised a poltergeist marching up and down in my hallway. He was so shocked to see me he walked into the light.

biggytitbo

I like the theory that ghosts, aliens and other weird apparitions are interdimensional entities, and that the reason they are usually accompanied by reports that they glow, or leave radiation behind is because of the huge amounts of energy they need to smash through dimensions. They're people from the future twatting about basically.


oooft

Did anyone ever see that Poltergeist filmed by the German coppers? I can't find footage of that on the internet anymore. Looked pretty real to me and I was sober.

Replies From View

Quote from: oooft on December 17, 2018, 01:55:09 PM
Did anyone ever see that Poltergeist filmed by the German coppers?

Was their name Steven Spielberg?

Cuellar

Quote from: biggytitbo on December 17, 2018, 01:29:22 PM
I like the theory that ghosts, aliens and other weird apparitions are interdimensional entities, and that the reason they are usually accompanied by reports that they glow, or leave radiation behind is because of the huge amounts of energy they need to smash through dimensions. They're people from the future twatting about basically.

Then why do they all look like Oliver Cromwell or an old woman from the Victorian? Are they future people dressing up for a laugh or what?