Step Into Christmas and other wanky Xmas tracks.

[SpiderChrist]

Chris De Burgh - A Spaceman Went Travelling. An utter fucking turd of a song.

I'd just have the Spector Christmas album on a loop, plus the Wizzard tune. All you need.

New page humbug.

[boki]

I think Step into Christmas is ace! I hate 95% of Christmas songs.

Same, in fact it's probably my favourite Elton song.  I'm sure his worthy warbly ballads have touched the hearts and lives of millions, but fuck that weak shit, gimme Step Into Christmas and I'm Still Standing.  Do I have some kind of deeply suppressed Elton foot fetish? I also like Croc Rock, so it's not looking good for me, is it?

[Jerzy Bondov]

Chris De Burgh - A Spaceman Went Travelling. An utter fucking turd of a song.

Best part of this is when he sings 'suddenly the sweetest music filled the air' and then you get to hear his idea of the sweetest music, which is Chris De Burgh going 'ahhhhh ahh ahhh ahhh ahhhhhh'

[buzby]

This is my favourite bit about Christmas Wrapping - barely any attempt at rhythm, scansion, rhyme, anything. Just sounds like someone reading out a few paragraphs vaguely in time to music.

Also, "BAH HUMBUG - no, that's too strong because it is my favourite holiday" is a masterful opening. "Christmas is rubbish! No I actually love it" - what!?

FTFY

[SpiderChrist]

Best part of this is when he sings 'suddenly the sweetest music filled the air' and then you get to hear his idea of the sweetest music, which is Chris De Burgh going 'ahhhhh ahh ahhh ahhh ahhhhhh'

I'm getting angry just thinking about it. Mistletoe And Wine can fuck off, too.

[Twed]

I'm getting angry just thinking about it. Mistletoe And Wine can fuck off, too.

The best way to diss that shit-ass cum song is to the entire thing to the tune of the first bar.

[grassbath]

The Good:

Wham!. Not just a perfect Christmas song, but a perfect song, right down to George's perfect ad-libbing in the fade out.
Waitresses. For the bass part alone, but there's hooks galore and the ironic Nyoo Yawk lyric/delivery captures nicely the tiresome and overburdening side of the festive season.

The Ok:

McCartney. A hook in search of a song. Sort of a miracle he pulled it off.
East 17. Hilariously over-produced, over-earnest twaddle sung by a bunch of idiots. The mix literally busting at the seams at the end with church bells, timpani, crashing wave sounds and all sorts.

The Shite:

Elton. A cynical mis-marriage of Taupin lyric and Dwight tune in order to get something out for the festive period. Blasted from a shopping centre tannoy in December, the hectic, coked-up atmosphere of it can bring on an anxiety attack.
Pogues. Being the 'cool choice' has damaged it if anything.
Shakin' Stevens. The single most egregious key change in pop.

[DrGreggles]

McCartney's getting far too much of an easy ride here.
'Wonderful Christmas Time' is fucking woeful.

[pupshaw]

McCartney's getting far too much of an easy ride here.
'Wonderful Christmas Time' is fucking woeful.

No it's not.

Wonderful Christmas Time is exactly what it says it is, a "simple"
song which sets out some of the "wonderful" things about "Christmas Time".

'Happy Xmas War Is Over' - definitely is fucking shit of the purest shit.

Screechy, preachy, mirthless, cheerless song telling us we should be considering ending all wars
while we munch on our mince pies. Fucking hate that song

However, the best ever christmas song which will never ever be beaten is of course by Wizzard.

[PaulTMA]

Wanky track? Really?

Fits my definition

[Brundle-Fly]

I always found that Saint Etienne & Tim Burgess I Was Born On Christmas Day (1993) rather weedy and far too self-satisfied. And I'm fond of Saint Etienne. Like drinking mulled wine from a posh mug that has been left under the sofa for a week.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yd-pfEeHoA

This was my first exposure to Step Into Christmas. It was on an Oi EP from 1981 called 'Bollocks To Christmas'. I believed it was an original by The 4 Skins.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DwmlCSiAoU

[buzby]

Waitresses. For the bass part alone, but there's hooks galore and the ironic Nyoo Yawk lyric/delivery captures nicely the tiresome and overburdening side of the festive season.

That's because that's what the song was - a collection of riffs from other unfinished songs that were hurriedly put together. There's an excellent interview with Chris Butler about the writing and recording of it here. He also points out the dual meaning of the title (a pun on Kurtis Blow's Christmas Rappin', and that the story of the song 'wraps' at the end).

[DrGreggles]

No it's not.

Wonderful Christmas Time is exactly what it says it is, a "simple"
song which sets out some of the "wonderful" things about "Christmas Time".

'Happy Xmas War Is Over' - definitely is fucking shit of the purest shit.

Screechy, preachy, mirthless, cheerless song telling us we should be considering ending all wars
while we munch on our mince pies. Fucking hate that song

Don't like either, but Macca's is worse.

The frog one is a banger though.

[Jockice]

I always found that Saint Etienne & Tim Burgess I Was Born On Christmas Day (1993) rather weedy and far too self-satisfied. And I'm fond of Saint Etienne. Like drinking mulled wine from a posh mug that has been left under the sofa for a week.

Neither of them were born on Christmas Day either, which makes it totally fake anyway. If Shane MacGowan and Annie Lennox did a version however...

Wizzard is still the best Christmas single ever. I'm glad others agree with my opinion. Which is of course right.

[DrGreggles]

Wizzard is still the best Christmas single ever.

I think this is probably right - certainly one of them anyway.
The strongest criteria for this is not saying "Oh, for fucks sake..." as soon as it starts.
If you can hear the same song, seemingly daily, for a month solid, year after year, and it still not get on your nerves, then it must have a lot going for it.

[Jockice]

Pogues. Being the 'cool choice' has damaged it if anything.

The thing that really gets on my tits about this song nowadays is people nodding their heads sagely and saying things like: "Of course, it's the only song that describes what Christmas is really like."

Is it fuck. I've never had a festive season anything like that. Plus you live in a semi-detached in Bromsgrove and work in corporate advertising. Having a row with your mother-in-law over what time the turkey should be served can be compared in a grand total of no ways whatsoever to being an ageing addict in America.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Here's my problem with Wizzard. It makes a big play of the unruly kids singing on the record. You can hear them making funny farting noises and all that. And then Roy goes 'Okay you lot! Take it!' like they're some Bash Street Kids cheeky rotters, and they start singing, and they sound Posh As Fuck. Listen to the way they sing 'could' - unbelievably plummy. You might call this nitpicking and you'd be right but you can't just let nits roam around unpicked.

[Captain Z]

The kids are clearly loving the opportunity to emphasise " I wi SHIT could be Christmas... "

[Brundle-Fly]

The thing that really gets on my tits about this song nowadays is people nodding their heads sagely and saying things like: "Of course, it's the only song that describes what Christmas is really like."

Is it fuck. I've never had a festive season anything like that. Plus you live in a semi-detached in Bromsgrove and work in corporate advertising. Having a row with your mother-in-law over what time the turkey should be served can be compared in a grand total of no ways whatsoever to being an ageing addict in America.

I've never heard anyone in my entire life say that, except perhaps Jo Whiley on the radio in December 1996.

The only thing I ever hear when that fucking song is being played is either drunk revellers tunelessly singing along or a glassy-eyed sales assistant asking if I need a bag.

Kenny Everett could also have duetted with Saint Etienne.

[SpiderChrist]

'Happy Xmas War Is Over' - definitely is fucking shit of the purest shit.

No.

However, the best ever christmas song which will never ever be beaten is of course by Wizzard.

Yes.

[Jockice]

I've never heard anyone in my entire life say that, except perhaps Jo Whiley on the radio in December 1996.

The only thing I ever hear when that fucking song is being played is either drunk revellers tunelessly singing along or a glassy-eyed sales assistant asking if I need a bag.

Kenny Everett could also have duetted with Saint Etienne.

You don't mix in the right circles mate. As Jo Whiley would no doubt tell you.

And a Turkish bloke called Ali who did his PhD at the same time as I was failing mine. Don't know if he can sing though. Or if he even celebrates Christmas.

[Phil_A]

Here's my problem with Wizzard. It makes a big play of the unruly kids singing on the record. You can hear them making funny farting noises and all that. And then Roy goes 'Okay you lot! Take it!' like they're some Bash Street Kids cheeky rotters, and they start singing, and they sound Posh As Fuck. Listen to the way they sing 'could' - unbelievably plummy. You might call this nitpicking and you'd be right but you can't just let nits roam around unpicked.

It's not even the original kids on the version that gets played now is it, as they had to re-record the entire track when it got reissued in the eighties because the masters had gone missing.

No-one living now remembers what the original version of I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day sounded like (possible exaggeration)

[Jerzy Bondov]

It's not even the original kids on the version that gets played now is it, as they had to re-record the entire track when it got reissued in the eighties because the masters had gone missing.

No-one living now remembers what the original version of I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day sounded like (possible exaggeration)

Both versions were sung by kids from pretty normal Primary schools, not posho stage school little berks like I was imagining. I hereby withdraw my objection even though they do sound posh.

[boki]

Here's my problem with Wizzard. It makes a big play of the unruly kids singing on the record. You can hear them making funny farting noises and all that. And then Roy goes 'Okay you lot! Take it!'

I've spent that last few winters wondering whether the yewtree lads had a word with him about that.

[BlodwynPig]

I heard the Wham one in high definition on the Dublin tour bus. It sounded so good!

[SteveDave]

Kenny Everett could also have duetted with Saint Etienne.

So could Humphrey Bogart, Cab Calloway, Quentin Crisp, Anwar Sadat, Rod Serling, Eve Pollard, CCH Pounder, Annie Lennox, Chris Kamara, Shane MacGowan, Gary McAllister and Dido to name but some. 

[Brundle-Fly]

So could Humphrey Bogart, Cab Calloway, Quentin Crisp, Anwar Sadat, Rod Serling, Eve Pollard, CCH Pounder, Annie Lennox, Chris Kamara, Shane MacGowan, Gary McAllister and Dido to name but some.

Shane McGowan is a werewolf. It all makes sense now.

http://ilovewerewolves.com/did-you-know-being-born-on-christmas-eve-or-christmas-day-might-make-you-a-werewolf/

[alan nagsworth]

Step Into Christmas is a fucking hoofer of a tune. I love Christmas music, me. Probably more than Christmas itself. I could listen to it the year round. Mariah Carey is probably my absolute favourite. Those "AND IIIIIIIIIIII" backing vocals on the third/fourth line of the verses get me proper elated.

[Gulftastic]

Chris De Burgh - A Spaceman Went Travelling. An utter fucking turd of a song.

I'd just have the Spector Christmas album on a loop, plus the Wizzard tune. All you need.

New page humbug.

A choir of school children started belting that out in a shopping centre I was walking through last week. I walked a bit faster.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Step Into Christmas is a fucking hoofer of a tune. I love Christmas music, me. Probably more than Christmas itself. I could listen to it the year round. Mariah Carey is probably my absolute favourite. Those "AND IIIIIIIIIIII" backing vocals on the third/fourth line of the verses get me proper elated.

I hear you, brother. Christmas music is one of life's great pleasures, a joyous genre at it's best. I don't care how often I hear those songs, they always hit the spirits-stirring sweet spot.

People who moan about the hardy perennials of festive pop are dreary curmudgeons who've chosen the wrong hill to die on. So there.