Hellboy (2019)

[St_Eddie]

Oh dear. It would appear that our very worst fears have been confirmed:

Cinemablend: Hellboy Reviews Are In, Here's What Critics Are Saying.

/Film: 'Hellboy' Review: One of the Worst Comic Book Movies Ever Made.

This doesn't surprise me at all.  The trailer was awful and there's been more than a slight whiff of desperation on the part of the studio, in terms of promotion; "it's closer to the comics!"; "it has practical effects!"; "I'll wank you off if you watch it! Just please watch it, please!".

We could have had Del Toro's conclusion to his trilogy instead of this shit.  The moment that I saw it was set in London, I knew that it was fucked.  It costs a fortune to film in New York City.  It costs a shoe and a salad wrap to film in London.  It's like when you read about a sequel to a long running franchise that's filming in Estonia; instant shit.  Guaranteed.  The same fate will befall the new Men in Black movie (also set in London).  Mark my words.

[Bad Ambassador]

Currently at 10% on RT.

[Timothy]

The first movie was great. Second one was crap. Had some hopes for this since HB is a great character but won't see it in the cinema.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

A shame, but sadly not unexpected.

Perhaps more than anything I was hoping for a return to form for Neil Marshall. I liked Dog Soldiers a good deal (although it's possible, if unlikely, that I might have grown out of it by now) and The Descent is a bit of a masterpiece.

The moment that I saw it was set in London, I knew that it was fucked.  It costs a fortune to film in New York City.  It costs a shoe and a salad wrap to film in London.  It's like when you read about a sequel to a long running franchise that's filming in Estonia; instant shit.  Guaranteed.  The same fate will befall the new Men in Black movie (also set in London).  Mark my words.

Skyfall spent a fair bit of time in the Smoke and people seemed to like that well enough (although I thought it was overrated). More to the point, the story this adapts is set in Britain - albeit in the countryside, since the comics Hellboy rarely, if ever, sets hoof in cities.

[Shaky]

"I'll wank you off if you watch it! Just please watch it, please!".

Which, er... who said this? Just interested, like. Not too busy tomorrow night and just, um, fancied seeing something at the cinema.

[Enrico Palazzo]

Always been baffled by the instant classic status The Descent inherited. Only saw it once at the cinema but i haven't seen worse acting since. It's no surprise that Hellboy is shit because everything he's done is shit.

[St_Eddie]

Skyfall spent a fair bit of time in the Smoke and people seemed to like that well enough...

I think it's fair to say that James Bond movies, being that he's a British character, are exempt from the general rule of thumb.

Always been baffled by the instant classic status The Descent inherited. Only saw it once at the cinema but i haven't seen worse acting since. It's no surprise that Hellboy is shit because everything he's done is shit.

Oohh, wash yer mouth oot with soap.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

It's just a proper scary, horror flick. It probably helps that I'm claustrophobic, so it's extremely tense, long before the monsters show up. Loathe as I am to parrot Mark Kermode, the fact that the caverns are bits of foam rubber in a studio shows how well lit and shot it all is.

I think it's fair to say that James Bond movies, being that he's a British character, are exempt from the general rule of thumb.

Hellboy is sort of British, too, being the last descendant of King Arthur. As I say though, it shouldn't really take place in a city at all. His usual locations (his haunts, if you will) are ancient ruins, crumbling mansions and spooky woods.

[SavageHedgehog]

I wasn't ever much of a fan either, but I did see a tweet to the effect of "timely reminder; before blaming the director for a production, check if they attended the premier" which I guessed (correct me if I'm wrong) was probably about Hellboy, so perhaps this is a heavy "studio interference" deal.

[Bad Ambassador]

I wasn't ever much of a fan either, but I did see a tweet to the effect of "timely reminder; before blaming the director for a production, check if they attended the premier" which I guessed (correct me if I'm wrong) was probably about Hellboy, so perhaps this is a heavy "studio interference" deal.

We have no idea how deep this rabbit hole goes.

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/kevin-tsujihara-more-executives-pushed-cast-actress-charlotte-kirk-1194090
https://www.thewrap.com/hellboy-david-harbour-neil-marshall/

[Norton Canes]

Looks dull.  BUT top trivia, I got £30 out of this film.  I live near one of the locations and they paid us all £30 to move our cars round the corner for two days

Cool, did that make the cut?

[SavageHedgehog]

We have no idea how deep this rabbit hole goes.

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/kevin-tsujihara-more-executives-pushed-cast-actress-charlotte-kirk-1194090
https://www.thewrap.com/hellboy-david-harbour-neil-marshall/

Oh wow.

Still eagerly awaiting the day we get a tell-all book (or something similar) about Fant4stic.

[amputeeporn]

We have no idea how deep this rabbit hole goes.

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/kevin-tsujihara-more-executives-pushed-cast-actress-charlotte-kirk-1194090
https://www.thewrap.com/hellboy-david-harbour-neil-marshall/

Saw someone mention on a film message board some time ago that Marshall had lost his mind, cut ties with everyone and shacked up with a 'climbing' young actress, abandoning this film mid-shoot. Seems to be true, then...

No judgement, but god damn is that girl's relationship history dark. Literally four or five men you can point to who she was with seemingly purely for roles.

Imagine screwing old men for the dream of a roll role in a B-movie Hellboy reboot...

EDIT: for Freudian slip.

[Shaky]

Potato-headed, middle aged director leaves his wife to hitch up with a much younger, beautiful woman who - and this is purely coincidental - is then tasked to co-write and star in his next film. What could go wrong?

I actually feel a bit sorry for Marshall. He earned a lot of goodwill from me for Dog Soldiers & The Descent (hell, I quite liked Doomsday too..) but the day is fast coming where he'll ask himself what the fuck he's done.

[SavageHedgehog]

This was marginally better than I anticipated; i.e. not quite in the Assassin's Creed/Underworld/I, Frankenstein depths of the simultaneously bland, vapid and tedious. There was just enough residual interest from the general concept and world to stop my eyes from glazing over. That doesn't mean it's getting any kind of bum rap though. It squeezes by as coherent storytelling but clearly was sent into theatres just about held together with masking tape. As unappetising as the trailers seemed, in retrospect whoever edited them deserves some major kudos for managing to hide just how cheap looking and poorly staged the majority of this is. Most of the action is flat and uninteresting, despite some appealing concepts; there's a snappy and well-edited action coda at the end of the film which hints at how a Dredd-ish Hellboy might have had some pulpy appeal and is probably the best part of the film, but even that ends on the sour note of some "as if" sequelbaiting.

Given how poorly this has fared, I wouldn't be half-surprised if at some point in the next ten years they 'Busters it and greenlight a third del Torro film, although I suppose that would hinge on a lot of people being willing, ready and able.

[Shaky]

Given how poorly this has fared, I wouldn't be half-surprised if at some point in the next ten years they 'Busters it and greenlight a third del Torro film, although I suppose that would hinge on a lot of people being willing, ready and able.

Ron Perlman seems to have washed his hands of it for his own insanity, plus he'd be nearly 80 by then as well.

[holyzombiejesus]

Just watching this now. Absolute mess. Tonally all over the place, unfunny, boring, unpleasantly and cheaply designed, poorly acted. It's fucking awful.

[Shaky]

I sort of enjoyed the film until it went to the UK and became totally unwatchable. Harbour is not bad in the role but barely distinguishable from Perlman in most scenes.

[wooders1978]

Didn't make it past the wrestling scene - dire

[Shit Good Nose]

Best thing about it is the passable English accent by the girl from American Honey.

Didn't even think Harbour was all that to be honest. 

CGI was REALLY bad as well.  Like Asylum level bad.

Appreciate all that bullshit behind the scenes.

[holyzombiejesus]

Best thing about it is the passable English accent by the girl from American Honey.

Didn't even think Harbour was all that to be honest. 

CGI was REALLY bad as well.  Like Asylum level bad.

Appreciate all that bullshit behind the scenes.

The CGI was like an early Playstation game, especially when Lovejoy's face was on that snake at the end. Such a bad film. Liked the evil giant-hunters and their trophy wall but they came and went so quickly.

Did Stephen Graham voice that hog thing in the US too?