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PHWOARR (The Sexy Thread)

Started by 303, December 21, 2018, 11:28:05 AM

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Neomod

There's something about writer Joan Didion.


MiddleRabbit

Quote from: Neomod on April 03, 2019, 04:50:25 PM
There's something about writer Joan Didion.



Maybe, but she needs to work on her 'I'm a little teapot' moves.

Neomod

Quote from: MiddleRabbit on April 04, 2019, 09:18:58 AM
Maybe, but she needs to work on her 'I'm a little teapot' moves.

They're all 'a little teapot' after I've etc, etc.

Norton Canes

They've all got a didion etc.

Gregory Torso

Natasha Raskin from Bargain Hunt. I don't even like bargains, or old things, or looking for them. I wouldnt mind though, leafing through filthy clumps of crap in a market to make a profit of 5p from some John Bercow-looking wheezing old auctioneer bent in half like an angle poised lamp with his little shit hammer trying to break us up as we're giggling at the back.

I don't care if she's Scottish or married. I'd go to Scotland! I hear it's lovely! She doesn't even wear any make up and she's got such pep and enthusiasm even on the bits, the padding they put in that programme because no one really wants to to see two lumps of blue nylon ditherers haggling over a piece of broken pavement for ten minutes, she's all using words like "cool" and "freaky". You can see in her eyes when the man is talking about the tits of the statues and how they were wanked on repeatedly by greek sailors in a secret cave in the old days, her mouth is smiling its big lovely smile but her eyes they are saying "this is SHIT! this is ALL shit!" and I agree!

I'll post a picture but you really have to see her in action making jokes in a warm brogue, I bet her hair smells of dundee cake. Why can't my wife be more like her? I mean without the antique shite. I'll fight her husband. I bet he's one of those men with a new beard and swept back hair. I bet he's really nice and not like me, an alcohopeless knackered old horse of a person, shaking with hungover indignant rage at something I'll never have and someone I'll never be.



Look at her, in't she lovely. She's broken that statue, and now we're going to run out of the auction together laughing like teenagers and shouting "we fucking hate old things, you idiots!" at the people inside who are crying at what we have and they will never get to experience.

DrGreggles


Neomod

Quote from: Gregory Torso on April 04, 2019, 02:10:31 PM
Look at her, in't she lovely. She's broken that statue, and now we're going to run out of the auction together laughing like teenagers and shouting "we fucking hate old things, you idiots!" at the people inside who are crying at what we have and they will never get to experience.

That's an auctioneer's gavel in her left hand you plum.

Gregory Torso

Quote from: Neomod on April 04, 2019, 02:26:24 PM
That's an auctioneer's gavel in her left hand you plum.

Oh yeah so it is. I don't fancy her anymore.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

That's most definitely not an auctioneer's gavel in your right hand though, you dirty old bollocks.

I can see the attraction , though. Lovely barnet.*I'm torn between deciding whether she looks like a young Kim Deal or a young Clare Short.

(* I don't mean I'm praising that suburban borough in North London. )

Chollis

My my, is that an auctioneer's gavel or are you just pleased to see me

Dex Sawash

They've all got weird spatter patterns on their dress by...

Quote from: Gregory Torso on April 04, 2019, 02:10:31 PM
  I'll fight her husband. I bet he's one of those men with a new beard and swept back hair.

http://wikinetworth.com/uploads/Natasha-and-her-husband-Joey.JPG


Looks like a bit of a softlad mate, you could win him in a square go I reckon (to use the Scotch vernacular).

Dunno, he's one of those sharp featured chaps like Ralph Fiennes. Comes from money, I reckon. Sure, you could lamp him one, but he'll have an estate full of bugger-faced lads who'll cunt you right up the next time you show your face at a cheese festival.

MiddleRabbit

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on April 04, 2019, 09:33:01 PM
Dunno, he's one of those sharp featured chaps like Ralph Fiennes. Comes from money, I reckon. Sure, you could lamp him one, but he'll have an estate full of bugger-faced lads who'll cunt you right up the next time you show your face at a cheese festival.

Ain't that the truth.  And once they'd left you bleeding on the ground, he'd casually stripe you with his riding crop before walking away like nothing had happened.  I don't know who is he but he sickens me.

mothman

He's able to go through life being called Joey. Fuck being called Sue, anyone can carry off being called Joey must be harsh. Proof? Viggo M's character's real name in History Of Violence. GT, he would END you.

MiddleRabbit

Quote from: mothman on April 04, 2019, 11:38:14 PM
He's able to go through life being called Joey. Fuck being called Sue, anyone can carry off being called Joey must be harsh. Proof? Viggo M's character's real name in History Of Violence. GT, he would END you.

I don't think it carries the Blue Peter bungalow beneficiary's association anymore.  A girl I worked with was in a relationship with a kid called Joey, actually, he's called Joseph but chooses to call himself Joey.  When she announced that late one works night out, I involuntarily spluttered and was forced to explain myself.  I didn't do a very good job as I managed to take myself down a conversational route about names that I thought had died out, such as Myra and Adolf.

Kids of today, eh?  Don't know they're born.

bomb_dog

Someone a few years younger than me on a course this week actually used the phrase, "...don't want to be the 'Office Joey'", getting splutters from three of us who had to explain it. She had no idea who her 'Joey' was she was talking about. It's now another of those names that people don't know what it's from, like Derby and Joan, 'don't be a such a Trevor', 'course you can, Malcolm'. (I know the Malcolm one, not the Trevor one)

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Gregory Torso on April 04, 2019, 02:10:31 PM
Natasha Raskin from Bargain Hunt.

Christina Trevanion for me.  Gorgeous lady.

There's something about Caroline Hawley as well.  I think the way she dresses is quite a big part of it.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on April 05, 2019, 09:50:17 AM
Christina Trevanion for me.  Gorgeous lady.

There's something about Caroline Hawley as well.  I think the way she dresses is quite a big part of it.

Pictures, you plum.

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on April 05, 2019, 11:09:38 AM
Pictures, you plum.

I'm currently on a loaner iPad which is unfamiliar to me (I can't stand Apple), so posting pictures is naturally impossible because it's an Apple product (it's taken me long enough trying to figure out how to be able to type words on it).  Here's some links instead:
Hawley - https://twitter.com/hawley_caroline/status/927114463186124800 ("look at my jugs!", etc)
Trevanion - https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b04mpr59 (she's the one on the left, obvs)

seepage


DrGreggles



DrGreggles

Thanks, but it's just a charcoal fleece.

St_Eddie

Quote from: Gregory Torso on April 04, 2019, 02:10:31 PM
Natasha Raskin from Bargain Hunt. I don't even like bargains, or old things, or looking for them. I wouldnt mind though, leafing through filthy clumps of crap in a market to make a profit of 5p from some John Bercow-looking wheezing old auctioneer bent in half like an angle poised lamp with his little shit hammer trying to break us up as we're giggling at the back.

I don't care if she's Scottish or married. I'd go to Scotland! I hear it's lovely! She doesn't even wear any make up and she's got such pep and enthusiasm even on the bits, the padding they put in that programme because no one really wants to to see two lumps of blue nylon ditherers haggling over a piece of broken pavement for ten minutes, she's all using words like "cool" and "freaky". You can see in her eyes when the man is talking about the tits of the statues and how they were wanked on repeatedly by greek sailors in a secret cave in the old days, her mouth is smiling its big lovely smile but her eyes they are saying "this is SHIT! this is ALL shit!" and I agree!

I'll post a picture but you really have to see her in action making jokes in a warm brogue, I bet her hair smells of dundee cake. Why can't my wife be more like her? I mean without the antique shite. I'll fight her husband. I bet he's one of those men with a new beard and swept back hair. I bet he's really nice and not like me, an alcohopeless knackered old horse of a person, shaking with hungover indignant rage at something I'll never have and someone I'll never be.

Look at her, in't she lovely. She's broken that statue, and now we're going to run out of the auction together laughing like teenagers and shouting "we fucking hate old things, you idiots!" at the people inside who are crying at what we have and they will never get to experience.

So many words to say 'would'.

Gregory Torso

Quote from: St_Eddie on April 05, 2019, 11:57:10 PM
So many words to say 'would'.

Yes, but I broke them up into paragraphs so your little angry eyes wouldn't get too tired, Ed "Would".

Hey, Punk!

Quote from: Gregory Torso on April 04, 2019, 02:10:31 PM


I'd put my antique* in her auction house**.

*man thing
**woman thing

Johnny Yesno

Quote from: Neomod on April 04, 2019, 02:26:24 PM
That's an auctioneer's gavel in her left hand you plum.

Nah, it's clearly some kind of drum: a bongo or a conga or a djembe. The statue is of a naked drummer having a little rest. And Natasha has broken it.

Spiteface


Bazooka

Core blimey! Jedward keep getting sexier by the day.