Daft Ways To Commit Suicide

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

1) Looking at sellotape.
2) Overdosing on Lemsip.
3) Jumping in front of an oncoming cat.
4) Playing dominoes , and not even trying to win.
5) Whistling.
6) Incrementally getting closer and closer to a picture of Arthur Lowe.
7) Comissioning Quentin Blake to draw a picture of you hanging yourself  then getting it framed, and showing all and sundry the picture, and saying " well, That's me dead then, grand old bit of hanging there." And completely ignoring people replying to you with comments like " Erm...but That's just a picture. You're quite clearly still alive."  and " Get away from me, you fucking lunatic. "
8) Joining Sterelab as an auxiliary keyboard player, but not playing the keyboards very well, then when Tim Gane asks you to play the keyboards a bit better, you stick your tongue out at him, then when he says something like " No, seriously, can you play the keyboards a bit better, please? ", you tell him to fuck off.
9) Jumping from the top of a five- pack of Kit- Kats.
10) Getting into a warm bath , sobbing gently to yourself, and slitting your wrists ( minimal daftness here ).