Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 5,559,185
  • Total Topics: 106,348
  • Online Today: 741
  • Online Ever: 3,311
  • (July 08, 2021, 03:14:41 AM)
Users Online
Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 29, 2024, 05:54:19 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Pubs shouldn't serve coffee

Started by madhair60, January 06, 2019, 01:33:14 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

madhair60

Quote from: Paul Calf on January 06, 2019, 01:51:48 PM


I bet you're at least twenty years older than me you decrepit staring-into-the-face-of-death actually-remembers-a-previous-British-currency fuck.

Cuellar

Quote from: madhair basically on January 06, 2019, 04:49:30 PM
Pubs shouldn't serve Nigerians, they should fuck off to a Nigerian shop.

I can't believe you'd say something like this. Utterly outrageous.

And I CANNOT BELIEVE that no one on comedy website cookdandbombd noticed my reference to famous comedy The Young Ones.

Sebastian Cobb

[tag]now lad's we've all had a few pints[/tag]

Paul Calf

Quote from: madhair60 on January 06, 2019, 05:10:53 PM
I bet you're at least twenty years older than me you decrepit staring-into-the-face-of-death actually-remembers-a-previous-British-currency fuck.

I remember when it was proper pound notes*. And half pence pieces. Proper money, that. None of your polymer fiver bollocks.


*In Scotland

Paul Calf

Quote from: Cuellar on January 06, 2019, 05:22:33 PM
I can't believe you'd say something like this. Utterly outrageous.

And I CANNOT BELIEVE that no one on comedy website cookdandbombd noticed my reference to famous comedy The Young Ones.

I did.

imitationleather

I used to go to the same pub in Peckham every Saturday at 9pm on the dot and have a coffee. It wasn't a 'spoons, it was a normal pub. I'd go in even if I didn't want a coffee, because I could tell the bar staff would be disappointed if I didn't turn up. Over time we developed some funny banter where they actually feigned looking disappointed when I walked through the door. Eventually they'd even mutter "For fuck's sake" as soon as they saw me and do some jokey arguing about how they didn't want to make a coffee and that lots of other people needed to be served and I always fucked off after having one drink and it wasn't fair. It was really funny.

I miss those guys.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: Cuellar on January 06, 2019, 05:22:33 PM
I can't believe you'd say something like this. Utterly outrageous.

And I CANNOT BELIEVE that no one on comedy website cookdandbombd noticed my reference to famous comedy The Young Ones.

Yeah, I noticed it, too. Pretty sure a lot of us did, to be fair.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Paul Calf on January 06, 2019, 05:25:12 PM
I remember when it was proper pound notes*. And half pence pieces. Proper money, that. None of your polymer fiver bollocks.

The bloke in the spice shop round my way wouldn't take a poly fiver with a small (< 5mm) nick in it. I wouldn't mind, but the hypocrite had hole punched the top of the bag of mustard seeds I was buying to get them on the peg rack, something I discovered when I turned the bag upside down and they started going all over the floor.

#thatsinterestingsebastian

pigamus

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on January 06, 2019, 02:58:23 PM
I think you're underestimating how long people can keep up walking the tightrope of 'heavy drinker' and 'functional alcoholic'.

I feel so seen.

Cuellar


DrGreggles


ziggy starbucks

yeah, I'll just have an orange juice thanks

Jar of Nescafe came in my local and asked for a pint of lager.  'Sorry, mate,' came the answer.  'We don't serve coffee.'

(slinks out to silence, except one person going 'ha-ha-ha' slowly and sarcastically).

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: ziggy starbucks on January 06, 2019, 05:56:54 PM
yeah, I'll just have an orange juice thanks

Get back on your fixie and ruin someone else's pub.

king_tubby

What fresh idiocy is this? Can't get a fucking double scotch with your fucking coffee in fucking Starbucks, can you? Cunts.

I applaud the public house with a coffee machine.

Quote from: king_tubby on January 06, 2019, 06:16:37 PM
I applaud the public house with a coffee machine.

Most other people would use their hands.

king_tubby

Most other people have hands, you hater.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Generally agree with this, but more specifically I would support a pub that chose not to serve coffee or cooked food.

king_tubby

And yet the Merry Monk still closed.

Pingers

What about an Espresso Martini then, eh? Eh? What about it then eh? EH? What the fuck about that then? Is that allowed? It's it? WELL IS IT THEN OR WHAT?? FUCKING ANSWER!!!

Sorry about that, I've had too many Espresso Martinis.

Thursday

Quote from: imitationleather on January 06, 2019, 05:26:34 PM
I used to go to the same pub in Peckham every Saturday at 9pm on the dot and have a coffee. It wasn't a 'spoons, it was a normal pub. I'd go in even if I didn't want a coffee, because I could tell the bar staff would be disappointed if I didn't turn up. Over time we developed some funny banter where they actually feigned looking disappointed when I walked through the door. Eventually they'd even mutter "For fuck's sake" as soon as they saw me and do some jokey arguing about how they didn't want to make a coffee and that lots of other people needed to be served and I always fucked off after having one drink and it wasn't fair. It was really funny.

I miss those guys.

*Obvious joke about them being serious*

St_Eddie

Coffee shouldn't be served with pubes.

pancreas

Quote from: Pingers on January 06, 2019, 06:34:07 PM
What about an Espresso Martini then, eh? Eh? What about it then eh? EH? What the fuck about that then? Is that allowed? It's it? WELL IS IT THEN OR WHAT?? FUCKING ANSWER!!!

Sorry about that, I've had too many Espresso Martinis.

These things are the very apogee of infantilisation. A proper martini is 70-90% gin, hence reasonably expensive. EMs are a way of making you drink loads of sugar instead while still getting to call it a martini. Starbucks for hen parties.

Icehaven

Yet again Spoons does it right as they do coffee but it's self-service, they just give you a cup at the bar and you go to the machine and help yourself, which might defeat the object but you can have unlimited refills (dunno if it's any good as coffee goes though, I don't drink it.) I daresay if you just took your own cup and helped yourself without paying they wouldn't even notice. The hot chocolate is way more fun as you get a cup and a big square chocolate lolly that you have to take to the machine and dissolve in hot milk.

Paul Calf

As an added bonus, you get that warm fuzzy glow that comes from coming contributing money to support the campaign for Britain's independence.

Uncle TechTip

If they allowed fruit machines in coffee shops this wouldn't even be a problem.

Cuellar

Quote from: Pingers on January 06, 2019, 06:34:07 PM
What about an Espresso Martini then, eh? Eh? What about it then eh? EH? What the fuck about that then? Is that allowed? It's it? WELL IS IT THEN OR WHAT?? FUCKING ANSWER!!!

Sorry about that, I've had too many Espresso Martinis.

They've always sounded utterly revolting to me so of course they shouldn't be served in pubs. Or in bars. Or hotels. Or brothels. Or restaurants. Or scissel.

Icehaven

Quote from: Paul Calf on January 07, 2019, 10:27:36 AM
As an added bonus, you get that warm fuzzy glow that comes from coming contributing money to support the campaign for Britain's independence.

Quote from: icehaven on January 07, 2019, 10:23:05 AM
Yet again Spoons does it right as they do coffee but it's self-service, they just give you a cup at the bar and you go to the machine and help yourself, which might defeat the object but you can have unlimited refills (dunno if it's any good as coffee goes though, I don't drink it.) I daresay if you just took your own cup and helped yourself without paying they wouldn't even notice. The hot chocolate is way more fun as you get a cup and a big square chocolate lolly that you have to take to the machine and dissolve in hot milk.

Paul Calf

Well, that's just naughty thieving and I cannot condone it.

* Paul Calf roots through cupboard for 12-inch plate cup

Pingers

Quote from: Cuellar on January 07, 2019, 10:29:15 AM
They've always sounded utterly revolting to me so of course they shouldn't be served in pubs. Or in bars. Or hotels. Or brothels. Or restaurants. Or scissel.

They are actually very tasty, although I've only ever made my own so can't comment on what you get served in bars. The last time I had one though it did make me feel like Tyres from Spaced.