Ignition (Remix) except it's not by a bad paedo

[Jerzy Bondov]

What are we to do? The best song ever was recorded by the worst man ever. We need a good cover version by someone who isn't evil. I've put Ignition Remix into Spotify and listened to a load of the covers. It's a mixed bag, to be honest.

First, there are loads of a capella covers. Not acceptable. Say what you like about R Kelly but at least he's not in an a capella group. Here are some others:

Tay Watts
Try-hard vocal fails to capture the effortless cool that can only be provided by a man who runs a paedophile ring. Sounds like it could be on the credits of the sort of film my wife wants me to watch. I looked this bloke up and it turns out he's fell in the sea and died.

Landon Austin
No good. He sounds amused with himself. Ho ho look at me covering Ignition (Remix) and then he starts changing the words and rapping. Listen mate, you might think you can come up with better lyrics than an evil paedo, but you can't. Then he adds Daft Punk lyrics as well. Doesn't even make an attempt at the crucial 'Cristal popping' verse. Fucking dog shit.

Brite Futures
I quite like this one. Quite faithful although the vocals lose their way a bit with the falsetto. Bit of a low-fi chiptune feel which softens the (in retrospect uncomfortable) opulence of R Kelly's luxurious child sex mansion vibe. Will do in a pinch.

Zeus
This is a nice version. Feels a bit lower in tempo but has a very smooth vibe and the vocal is great. It's a bit sparse compared to the original, but I like it.

Todd Beasley
What the hell is this, it's some bloke singing Ignition (Remix) down the phone. Can you just upload anything to Spotify now?

Derik
This is alright I suppose. Wears out its welcome fairly quickly and it's not constructed with the level of attention to detail that one associates with R Kelly. That's the main thing you associate with him, probably. That and being a rapist.

Finally I remembered seeing this version on the AV Club ages ago:

Young the Giant
Very nice cover, captures the smooth vibe and nails the crucial 'Cristal popping' verse. I really like the way he hits the 'after the show' lyric. I do not appreciate the swear word however. R Kelly for all his faults is decent enough to censor the f word.

Tired now. Any more contenders out there? Or should we just learn to live without the music of R Kelly?

[Funcrusher]

Ignition is the worst song ever.

[Captain Z]

Now I'm not trying to be rude, but Ignition (remix) is a dreadful track.

[momatt]

Ignition is the worst song ever.

Yeah, it's fucking garbage.  Up there with Angels and My Humps.
Massively over-played at the time too, which made me hate it even more.

Fuck this song, fuck R Kelly and fuck you Jerzy Bondov*.

_{*Not really, you're pretty cool.}

[An Actual Propeller]

The answer to the thread title is R Kelly himself.  R Kelly isn't a bad paedo.  If anything he's fucking brilliant at being one.

[Gregory Torso]

?

[Gregory Torso]

~

[chveik]

Ignition is the worst song ever.

that's the joke I guess

[Jerzy Bondov]

I'm very sad to see so many rockists sneering at a beautiful piece of music recorded by a paedo. It speaks to the human condition. How can such a twisted soul produce such a pure work of art?

[momatt]

R Kelly isn't a bad paedo.  If anything he's fucking brilliant at being one.

He's pretty good, but he's got nothing on Savile.

[Blinder Data]

I'm very sad to see so many rockists sneering at a beautiful piece of music recorded by a paedo. It speaks to the human condition. How can such a twisted soul produce such a pure work of art?

Agreed. It's a fantastic song and R Kelly is a horrible man for his evil deed of making me feel guilty for enjoying it

[lazyhour]

Ignition Remix is amazing, how can anyone not see this? Bonnie Prince Billy did a cover of the pre-remix track, but not the definitive Remix version, sadly.

[bomb_dog]

...but it's hot and fresh out [of] the kitchen!

[Funcrusher]

It's utterly terrible. I have absolutely no idea what anyone sees in it.

[Spiteface]

What's the consensus on Trapped in the Closet (the first 12 episodes before it got more knowing and "in on the joke") - is it still OK to like that?

[thecuriousorange]

No.

[Z]

It's the kind of song that got played so heavily at the time that I imagine a lot of people associate the song more with shitheads they remember playing it loads more than anything.
Song itself is an absolute peach though.


Usher might be able to do an okay cover of it? Or I could just always pretend it's by Usher when someone asks why I'm playing it, say I've been using the same mp3 since Limewire