Author Topic: "Can you save our table?"  (Read 1154 times)

icehaven

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"Can you save our table?"
« on: January 10, 2019, 06:16:22 PM »
"Hello, French polishers?" No seriously, does anyone else hate it when strangers in the pub ask if you can tell anyone that tries to sit at 'their' table that actually despite appearances it's occupied and you, who isn't even sitting there, are apparently it's gatekeeper. And it's worse when it's more than one person because often there's not really any good reason why they both/all have to leave it at the same time anyway, going for a cig together or both having to go to the bar to order aren't good enough I'm afraid, I'll keep an eye on your bag for you but if someone decides they're going to sit at an ostensibly empty table I'm not going to try and stop them because it'd make me feel like a dick. Am I wrong?

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2019, 06:18:35 PM »
You are right.

im barry bethel

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2019, 06:19:38 PM »
YANBU

Cuellar

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2019, 06:20:14 PM »
Get the Wetherspoons app and you never have to get up ever again. Godsend in a crowded airport bar.

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2019, 06:29:09 PM »
Whenever two or more people vacating a table ask me if I don't mind looking after it for them until they return, I tell them "until I need to go to the toilet or bar, yeah."

If that's not enough of a hint for them, once they are gone I immediately gesture to anybody waiting that the table is available.

They should learn eventually.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2019, 06:38:03 PM »
Whenever two or more people vacating a table ask me if I don't mind looking after it for them until they return, I tell them "until I need to go to the toilet or bar, yeah."

If that's not enough of a hint for them, once they are gone I immediately gesture to anybody waiting that the table is available.

They should learn eventually.

That's a good move, I might start carrying a FREE DRINKS AT THIS TABLE sign around and plonk it on the next one I'm asked to guard.

chveik

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2019, 06:42:22 PM »
I blame smoking bans

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2019, 06:50:45 PM »
"Can you save our table?"

"Afraid not as my memory stick is already filled up with pornos."

Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2019, 06:53:10 PM »
Get the Wetherspoons app and you never have to get up ever again. Godsend in a crowded airport bar.

Airport bars are a nightmare. Apparently it's clearly too much to ask to ask someone to look after a table while you order, which of course you need a table number for and almost certainly will be occupied when you get back, but if you leave your bag as a marker it could get stolen, or taken away and exploded while you're branded a terrorist and a sullen security guard with cold fingers searches in your bottom.

Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2019, 07:47:10 PM »
I don't have any problem saving a table for someone. There has to be a system and the system must hold. First person or people to lock down a table should be able to call on as many reinforcements as they need to keep said table for the duration of their stay. And we as fellow patrons have an unspoken bond to honour that arrangement.

BlodwynPig

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2019, 07:55:41 PM »
Airport bars are a nightmare. Apparently it's clearly too much to ask to ask someone to look after a table while you order, which of course you need a table number for and almost certainly will be occupied when you get back, but if you leave your bag as a marker it could get stolen, or taken away and exploded while you're branded a terrorist and a sullen security guard with cold fingers searches in your bottom.

Went to an airport bar, asked a lady to save my table. 2 weeks in Mallorca and when I got back the table had gone.

Pingers

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2019, 07:58:22 PM »
but if you leave your bag as a marker it could get stolen, or taken away and exploded while you're branded a terrorist and a sullen security guard with cold fingers searches in your bottom.

Which is all fine until they find what's in there

king_tubby

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #12 on: January 10, 2019, 07:58:32 PM »
Get the Wetherspoons app and you never have to get up ever again. Godsend in a crowded airport bar.

Can you order a commode to your table? If not, you can stick your Brexit beer app up your arse, matey.

Cuellar

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #13 on: January 10, 2019, 08:07:33 PM »
Can you order a commode to your table? If not, you can stick your Brexit beer app up your arse, matey.

Piss and shit in the fucking empties its only a spoons for gods sake

Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #14 on: January 10, 2019, 08:10:05 PM »
Piss and shit in the fucking empties its only a spoons for gods sake

The only thing a spoons do better than a proper pub is the shitters though.

Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #15 on: January 10, 2019, 08:11:45 PM »
Saving tables is what holds society together, no wonder everything's gone to shit.

Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #16 on: January 10, 2019, 08:17:48 PM »
When someone asks me to save their table I get my pretend defribulators out, give the table a few jolts and then say "We were too late, it's gone. I'm so sorry".

Shortly afterwards real ones are used on my as my body goes into shock from the kicking I inevitably get.

touchingcloth

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #17 on: January 10, 2019, 09:59:28 PM »
I save my table in the time-honoured fashion: licking it all over.

BlodwynPig

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #18 on: January 11, 2019, 02:28:44 AM »
The only thing a spoons do better than a proper pub is the shitters though.

Proper pub toilets - some of the coldest places on earth aren't they. The Highwayman Inn on the A386 West Dartmoor was immensely cold.

Glebe

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #19 on: January 11, 2019, 02:47:02 AM »

kittens

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #20 on: January 11, 2019, 09:43:42 AM »
i'm trying to enjoy a drink, i do not know you and you are asking me to divert all of my attention towards watching a piece of wood and making sure other strangers don't touch it?? other day a lady stranger asked me to carry her heavy bag up a hill. i laughed in her face. i will not inconvenience myself for a stranger. how do i know if the strangers trying to take the table are not related to the original stranger. sorry mate, bag of worms, not getting involved cheers.

Jerzy Bondov

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #21 on: January 11, 2019, 10:44:54 AM »
Just tell them 'I will do my level best' and then when they get back and somebody else is inevitably sitting there just give them a shrug and say 'I tried'. They'll appreciate your effort.

Dex Sawash

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #22 on: January 11, 2019, 11:42:07 AM »
Was outdoors at the beers place last summer. A lady, drinking alone, barefoot, asked my friend and me to watch her shoes while she went inside for a bit. I didn't mind really but was a little sad that my other friend who is one of those shoe perverts wasn't there so I could experience his reaction. These were a sort of tall wedge strappy sandals that seemed right up his alley but these things are difficult to judge when it isn't your own shoe perversion.
The lady certainly had a right to expect non-perverted shoe monitoring in her absence even if it wasn't hyper-vigilant though.

the

Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #23 on: January 11, 2019, 12:07:07 PM »
Was outdoors at the beers place last summer. A lady, drinking alone, barefoot, asked my friend and me to watch her shoes while she went inside for a bit. I didn't mind really but was a little sad that my other friend who is one of those shoe perverts fetishists wasn't there so I could experience his reaction.

It's a shame he wasn't there, because if he'd emulsified himself into them you would've hilariously got the bollocking of El Diablo.

Rizla

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #24 on: January 11, 2019, 12:10:30 PM »
EDIT I see this was referenced in the OP.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #25 on: January 11, 2019, 12:13:15 PM »
Was outdoors at the beers place last summer. A lady, drinking alone, barefoot, asked my friend and me to watch her shoes while she went inside for a bit. I didn't mind really but was a little sad that my other friend who is one of those shoe perverts wasn't there so I could experience his reaction. These were a sort of tall wedge strappy sandals that seemed right up his alley but these things are difficult to judge when it isn't your own shoe perversion.
The lady certainly had a right to expect non-perverted shoe monitoring in her absence even if it wasn't hyper-vigilant though.

A case of responding with "take your fucking footwear inside with you, you fucking soppy, barefoot bint. You want me, a complete stranger, to be your fucking personal sandalsguard, do you? Fuck right off, fuckflaps.", Shirley ?

Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #26 on: January 11, 2019, 01:49:43 PM »
Is there any reason this woman couldn't have just put her shoes on? I wouldn't want to walk barefoot through a pub.

Jerzy Bondov

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #27 on: January 11, 2019, 02:06:33 PM »
Is there any reason this woman couldn't have just put her shoes on? I wouldn't want to walk barefoot through a pub.
Yeah right, are you going to take the risk of mansplaining to this woman that she shouldn't go walking around with no shoes on? Best mind your own business.

BlodwynPig

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #28 on: January 11, 2019, 02:24:19 PM »
Is there any reason this woman couldn't have just put her shoes on? I wouldn't want to walk barefoot through a pub.

especially in the gents.

Blue Jam

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Re: "Can you save our table?"
« Reply #29 on: January 11, 2019, 02:57:13 PM »
The worst thing for me is people who ask "Can you look after my bag for a minute?" Not a big ask and I don't really mind, but I do get into a state of mild panic, wondering what would happen if someone snatched it and the owner came bag and blamed me. I should get "Items left here at your own risk" sign printed on a t-shirt:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc6J-YlncIU

I have been asked to look after people's dogs a few times. That I don't mind at all.