Author Topic: People who try to be everyone's friend  (Read 571 times)

Sony Walkman Prophecies

  • Chatto & Windus
People who try to be everyone's friend
« on: January 11, 2019, 12:19:34 PM »
Was thinking about this the other day, after having met some old colleagues, both of whom I'd say fit squarely into this camp.

Without going into boring detail, it seems some people take politeness to the unnecessarily high standard of being 'best friends' with everyone - I saw this many times over the evening, and saw them doing it with people I know for a fact they do not like. As I say, this isn't just ordinary everyday politeness. This is "Yeah, we'll have to stay in touch. Would love to meet up" without any such prompting from the other person, and without the person making the suggestion having any intention of going through with it. It's just very odd behaviour isn't it. What's the psychology behind it do you reckon? It's completely acceptable to say "Been nice seeing you, have a lovely time" why do some continually feel the need to extend the false hand of friendship?

This is just an example of course. You could just as easily apply it to people who ask people to do stuff, go out and do it, then moan behind their back, and follow the same pattern of socialise/complain repeatedly. Very strange and, at least to me, almost impossible to comprehend.

Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2019, 12:23:30 PM »
Can you go into boring detail please?

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2019, 12:25:31 PM »
Yes mate you're spot on, really interesting observations. We should go for a drink and chat about it sometime, I'm buying!

Sony Walkman Prophecies

  • Chatto & Windus
Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2019, 12:26:57 PM »
Can you go into boring detail please?

It really would be very boring though - just compositional padding around the examples I've already given. I will say that one of the chaps I met up with was well known for trying to be pally with people at work (particularly in the canteen) and would then do lots of huffing and eye-rolling when they came over to his desk to talk to him. Again, inexplicable behaviour from my point of view. If you want to be left alone, either don't speak to people, or just dial down the friendliness.

Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2019, 12:38:34 PM »
People that express an opinion to you and then if you say you don't agree they then "clarify" their initial opinion so that it's the same as yours.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2019, 01:38:14 PM »
It's fairly common behaviour to try and manage other people's general impressions of us, and some people overdo it. And some are possibly subconsciously overcompensating for what they're really thinking, which is ''I can't really be arsed with/actively dislike you.''   

kngen

  • Member
  • **
  • Fighting sleep's deathlike grip
Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2019, 03:59:00 PM »
And some are possibly subconsciously overcompensating for what they're really thinking, which is ''I can't really be arsed with/actively dislike you.''

Definitely the case with me. I find myself mechanically uttering those sort of pleasantries to people I can't stand or to whom I'm just totally indifferent, and it's only their looks of suspicion and/or incredulity (because I've been studiously ignoring them all evening) that snaps me out of my Work-to-Rule Socialising Mode, then I panic and flee - and then have a argument/discussion/weepy soul-baring confessional (usually in that order) with my wife on the way home about my inability to function as a vaguely normal human being for even an hour at a time. Oh, it's fun being me!

Phoenix Lazarus

  • Why bother writing stuff below your avatar?
Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2019, 04:08:33 PM »
" why do some continually feel the need to extend the false hand of friendship?


It's better than extending the true penis of rape.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2019, 04:22:08 PM »
I do it to compensate for my generally VERY GRUMPY AND ANGRY PERSONA whenever I'm around people.

Pie and a pint?

Sony Walkman Prophecies

  • Chatto & Windus
Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2019, 07:00:21 PM »
Maybe I'm the odd one then: if I don't like someone I just ignore them. Definitely don't go out of my way to invite them out.

Having said that, I've got a fair few friendships that probably largely habit at this point - stopped having anything in common years ago, but seems a bit harsh to cut the cord after so long.

touchingcloth

  • Member
  • **
  • She is hot in the arse.
Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2019, 07:15:34 PM »
I’m in the OP’s camp. I definitely don’t suggest meeting up with people I don’t really like, and I’m fact I’m shit at doing it with people I like a lot, in large part because I can only tolerate people’s company in small doses before finding them wearing and wishing I could be alone and the easy thing is to assume that everyone else has a similar view on social circles. I’m a terrible flake. Try and pin me down to something more than a few days in advance and I’ll almost certainly cancel quite last minute - I’ll accept because I don’t want to offend, and also because there’s no real way of saying “sorry, but chances are I won’t feel like being around people on any given day” without sounding like a loon.

Brundle-Fly

  • I'm so Avant-garden variety
Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2019, 07:23:12 PM »
We've all do the "we must go for that pint" scenario and it's very satisfying to sometimes see it through. Gets harder as you get older. Friendships are like houseplants, you have to water them occasionally or they might wither and die.

Additionally, I now finally 'get' the expression, "You can't make new old friends" but I think you have to reach at least fifty to fully appreciate that sentiment.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: People who try to be everyone's friend
« Reply #12 on: January 11, 2019, 07:43:15 PM »


"'e's everyone's friend, but 'e's got none of 'is own..."