Snooker 2019

[ToneLa]

Snooker? Snook him, too!

[Blue Jam]

Ronnie, just take your Ritalin, maaaaaaaate:

https://mobile.twitter.com/coral/status/1102697088721272833

What has Robbo done to piss him off, apart from bothering to turn up and earn those RAAAANKIN' POINTS MAAAATE?

Honestly, even Mark Williams doing a press conference naked is less disturbing than Ronnie's behaviour of late.

[imitationleather]

I'm looking forward to when he starts doing Ding's accent in interviews.

[Goldentony]

belter week following Ronnie from commentating that stupid TURBO SNOOKER to telling Peter Ebdon to have a kebab, the ranking points kick off and now this

[Blue Jam]

Paddy Power have some specials that might be worth a punt:



May be a bit wrong to capitalise on someone having a meltdown, though.

[Flouncer]

Ronnie just had a proper shit fit at the referee! He's (quite fittingly) playing Robertson in the final of the Player's Championship. He wasn't happy with the ref respotting the black; got him to respot it again then he was saying, "That's terrible! You've done it twice now!" while the ref just kept telling him to play the shot. I've got a feeling that won't be the end of it.

[Morrison Lard]

Ronnie's a twat, I rewound that part and the ref respotted the black in the exact same place every time.

Great player but a total fucking cock of a person, like Phil Taylor.

[Lost Oliver]

How are yous watching it? I can't find a stream and I'm not paying a subscription to EuroSport. Fuck that.

[Blue Jam]

I vacillate between thinking Ronnie's a great bunch of lads and thinking he's an utter twat. He's right on the cusp.

This is on ITV4, if anyone's interested. I can't get the ITV4 signal at home and it never seems to work on the ITV Player, is this worth a watch? I'm near the snooker club, I may pop in... and I want Robbo to win (and get those RAAAANKIN' POINTS MAAAATE) because it would be fucking funny.

[Flouncer]

Ronnie's a twat, I rewound that part and the ref respotted the black in the exact same place every time.

Great player but a total fucking cock of a person, like Phil Taylor.

That's a bit strong. Ronnie can certainly be a twat at times but Taylor really is a nasty piece of work. Deeply unpleasant individual.

[Morrison Lard]

Yeah, bit harsh to liken him to Taylor,
but he really is a spoilt brat recently.

[Lost Oliver]

ITV4? Get in. Thanks.

[MidnightShambler]

Phil Taylor might be a twat of a person but I very much doubt he's in Ronnie's league.

Ronnie owned my local snooker club for about 10 years and changed the name to the imaginative Rocket Ronnies. Well, I say he owned it, it was his name over the door but the people who actually did the running of the show were some very nasty people indeed. I could tell you a few stories believe me but if you remember what type of character his father was, murderer and gangster etc then you'll get the picture without me potentially libelling him.

You'd wonder why a load of cockney gangsters would want to buy a snooker club in Merseyside wouldn't you? Let's just say there was lots of new faces in certain scenes afterwards, put it that way.

Ronnie is absolutely no fucking angel.

[Blue Jam]

Oh Christ, I know Ronnie's good but I do wish commentators would stop blowing smoke up his arse. Especially when he hasn't actually won yet and it's pretty disrespectful to his opponent.

[MidnightShambler]

How's your game getting on Blue Jam? Any improvements?

[ToneLa]

Why the fuck do I never see snooker advertised, mentioned in media, I've missed half this final!

Do I actually have to bookmark Snooker HQ?

Phil Taylor might be a twat of a person but I very much doubt he's in Ronnie's league.

Ronnie owned my local snooker club for about 10 years and changed the name to the imaginative Rocket Ronnies. Well, I say he owned it, it was his name over the door but the people who actually did the running of the show were some very nasty people indeed. I could tell you a few stories believe me but if you remember what type of character his father was, murderer and gangster etc then you'll get the picture without me potentially libelling him.

You'd wonder why a load of cockney gangsters would want to buy a snooker club in Merseyside wouldn't you? Let's just say there was lots of new faces in certain scenes afterwards, put it that way.

Ronnie is absolutely no fucking angel.

Reminds me...

Ronnie Fact: apparently - I have no memory of this despite being there, but my entire family talk aboot it and assure me it is true - he was at my uncle's wedding in the mid/late 90s (think 96), an uncle who has DONE TIME. Ronnie told a tale to my family including said cokehead uncle (therein is a clue for the sceptics) about Ronnie's car being robbed by a known Pool (the Northern city, not the sport) gangster - the litigous aspect being Ronnie was in total cahoots, being a car nut and willing to go halves on the insurance payout, and this not being a one-off

Loaday shite, but believable; but I still root for the erratic, brilliant cunt as I have zero taste whatsoever

Edit: tuned in just in time for his 1000th century. Ace but hardly a night of snooker!

[Mr_Simnock]

Would bald Jimmy White more resemble dying Christopher Hitchens or Gary Glitter, do you think?

or maybe?

[Blue Jam]

[ToneLa]

Bingham is playing gash

[Blue Jam]

How's your game getting on Blue Jam? Any improvements?

Sorry for the late reply! It's going very well, cheers. I've been getting 2-3 frames in most weekends and practice has definitely made a big difference. The most noticeable thing is fewer fouls, but I'm also getting a feel for judging potting angles- as we discussed earlier, practice seems to be the only way to learn that. I also beat Mr Jam, who is still much better than me, and ambidextrous, for the first time ever (black ball final!), but he's also getting better so that may be a one-off. Every week I have a shot I daydream about for days afterwards- this week it was a tricky plant at a weird angle along the cushion, I was well chuffed with that.

My high break this year is still 9, mind... but what really matters is that the game is so much more fun now I can play halfway properly. I'm thinking about investing in a cue- the club has a load of very nice second-hand ones for sale, I might try a few out and then get one and get it re-tipped.

Thanks again for all the tips- CaB snooker meet, anyone?

[Blue Jam]

Why the fuck do I never see snooker advertised, mentioned in media, I've missed half this final!

Do I actually have to bookmark Snooker HQ?

Yes.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

CaB snooker meet, anyone?

I'd be up for it - we all have to go dressed as one of the array of hideous journeyman professionals. I can probably have a go at Peter Ebdon.

[Blue Jam]

Peter Ebdon looks like Mark's dad in Peep Show.

I have entertained myself by coming up with a fantasy cast list for a modern day version of The Rack Pack. So far it looks like this:

Peter Ebdon- Mark's dad in Peep Show
Ronnie O'Sullivan- Matt King
Neil Robertson- Jesse Spencer
Judd Trump- Chris Martin
John Higgins- Jim Broadbent
Anthony McGill- Will Merrick
Stuart Bingham- Steve Pemberton
Ryan Day- Philip Glennister
Ali Carter- Will Arnett or Nicholas Burns
Stephen Hendry- sproutface Leonardo DiCaprio
Ding Junhui- Brad Pitt

Someone help me out with the rest of the casting please...

[bgmnts]

John Parrot - Arlene Foster

Not an actor but can be coached.

Neil Robertson could play that one Tracy from Thunderbirds.

[Morrison Lard]

Tour Championship is live on itv4 now.
Ronald v Bingham.

[ToneLa]

Tour Championship is live on itv4 now.
Ronald v Bingham.

Not watching it but

Bingham is playing gash

[Puce Moment]

Thanks again for all the tips- CaB snooker meet, anyone?

Definitely! perhaps somewhere with pool tables so that the numpties can play something properly. I wouldn't even be able to pot the white ball straight into the middle pocket like Neil Roberston yesterday.

[MidnightShambler]

I'd be up for it, definitely. We'll have to sort it out, what are we talking logistics-wise? I'm in Merseyside, so anywhere Northern would be ok I suppose.

On a related note, I'm into the quarter-finals of my local pool league singles competition and I've been drawn to face somebody I should (if ability is a guide) beat, although you can never take anything for granted. As I think I've mentioned before I haven't really picked a cue up for 15 years and I only play my two match frames on Tuesday night in the league, no practice at all so I'm happy to have got this far, especially as the lad I beat in the previous round (3-0 too) is a county player. Problem is the old competitive spirit is kicking in now and I'll be gutted if I don't win the whole competition. That's part of the reason I packed in, the lows were very low and the highs weren't high for long enough. We'll see though.

[bgmnts]

I managed to get a break of 17 or so in snooker once, so i'm down for snwcer meet.

[MidnightShambler]

Sorry for the late reply! It's going very well, cheers. I've been getting 2-3 frames in most weekends and practice has definitely made a big difference. The most noticeable thing is fewer fouls, but I'm also getting a feel for judging potting angles- as we discussed earlier, practice seems to be the only way to learn that. I also beat Mr Jam, who is still much better than me, and ambidextrous, for the first time ever (black ball final!), but he's also getting better so that may be a one-off. Every week I have a shot I daydream about for days afterwards- this week it was a tricky plant at a weird angle along the cushion, I was well chuffed with that.

My high break this year is still 9, mind... but what really matters is that the game is so much more fun now I can play halfway properly. I'm thinking about investing in a cue- the club has a load of very nice second-hand ones for sale, I might try a few out and then get one and get it re-tipped.

Thanks again for all the tips- CaB snooker meet, anyone?

Sorry about the late reply too!

The main thing is to enjoy it mate, you learn far more when you're enjoying it. It can be a slog and two or three really bad frames can put you off for a while when you're first starting out, the more you enjoy it the better you become. As we were saying, there's certain things you can only learn from practice, angles are definitely the main example of that, you can have all the theory in the world but sighting the ball on the table is all you'll need when you've become used to it enough, it almost becomes instinctive after a while. Once you start turning 9 into 29 you'll be off and running properly and there'll be no looking back :)

Glad you're enjoying it though and if there's anything else I can help you with, just ask mate, happy to oblige!