That List Of All 78 Recommended Insomnia Cures In Full

[Ferris]

78: watching James Corden videos on YouTube until you laugh so hard you pass out
77: pretending to be a fallen tree
76: have a lie-down but do it PROPERLY this time

[Spoon of Ploff]

75: listening to anything this idiot has to say.

[ZoyzaSorris]

Oh yeah, why's that then?

[The Bumlord]

74: Masturbate until you cry

[Pingers]

73. Meticulously plan the best way into Mordor

72. Tally up all of your murder victims

[Gregory Torso]

71. Properly and correctly ascend the wooden hill to Bedfordshire - for fuck's sake, we went over this in the induction - no missing steps - and don't forget to say good night to every girl in your class as you pass the bannisters.

70. Sit on your neck until your head goes to sleep.

69. Imagine you are a house on fire, slowly diminishing in flames.

68. Wake up everyone else in your neighborhood so that it is now time to be awake time, now.

67. Write poems to your wife's enemies.

66. Break into the city zoo and listen to the sounds of the elephants sleeping, then lie down in the wood chip flowerbed until the rivers of your respirations flow together in harmony.

65. Drink a jug of mountain rice wine and lie down in the grass. Listen for light aircraft buzzing in the clouds.

64. Wank, until the ego disappears and your hands fall off.

63. Display your penis in an area where it is not allowed to be displayed and do this until someone punches you asleep.

62. Think of something "funny" to write in a neglected and widely reviled sub-section of a comedy forum that barely anyone will read, and do this until you bore yourself unconscious.

61. Pretend you are a supermarket full of discounted goods, and hurry shoppers, because I am closing down soon and these bargains will not last! Everyone to the checkouts, please!

60. Angrily hiss ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ through your teeth, spittle sizzling against your sleeping partner's back, ZZZZZZZZZZZ I AM SLEEPING I AM DREAMING ZZZZZZZZZZZ YOU NOCTURNAL FUCKER

[Pingers]

59. Mentally list all of your personal failings and deficiencies that everyone else finds abhorrent in you. You're bound to fall asleep before you reach the end of the list.