The Egging Thread

[Soup Dogg]

Have you ever been egged or done an egging? It was a pretty fundamental part of my youth, the ever present threat of an egging. Mischief night seemed like the fucking purge to me. I have an egging story but I want yours first.

Egg.

[Buelligan]

No I've never done that.  On the other hand, last May I found a tiny egg in the lane with only a small crack in it and I was just going to meet my friend and go in her car to the town, so I picked up that egg because I thought her little boy would like have it for his nature collection.  Because we were in a hurry, I put the lovely little egg in a small, ideally shaped little hole in the door handle of her car door for safe keeping.  Then we went to town and  I forgot about it and when we got back to the car in a hurry, I smashed it all over myself and her car interior and I screamed because I didn't know what it was.  That is my whole egg story.  Thanks.

[Maurice Yeatman]

Under cover of darkness and from behind a wall, egged the Chester to Wrexham bus on the Chester Road. We were already running away while the eggs were in mid-air.

28* we were.

* semesters

[Pingers]

Our front window got egged a while back, for no reason I can discern. Made me feel a bit eggy edgy.

[Buelligan]

When life sends you lemons, nog them.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Egged a house once. Peer pressure and I was bored that the rest of them were all talk but wouldn't go through with it. Couldn't respect that. What's an egg to anyone?

Busted by the kid the next day after the scaredy-cats who had been standing around giggling dobbed me in.

I denied it. Then that was it, pretty much. Never had any beef with the kid or his parents.

But yeah - you've got to egg something as a kid or who are you? Who are you? A speck, a valve. A proper waste of molecules. Chuck an egg you Betty, you velcro shoes milquetoast piece of shit.

[Soup Dogg]

When my house was egged by some lads from school my Mum was convinced I was being bullied. I wasn't like, everyone just egged everyone for a bit around year 8/9. Then I broke my arm playing footy and was convinced that it had actually been broken by one of my bullies who, again, didn't exist. She came in to school to ask my form teacher to look out for me and air her concerns. She still refers to me "having that trouble" in school, and I've long since given up trying to set her straight.

Basically egging permanently fractured my relationship with my mother. But sure, egging is "cool". Pathetic.

[thenoise]

[wooders1978]

Tesco's in my town banned selling eggs to the under 18s in October due to previous trouble with the local yutes

[madhair60]

egg, like a bird's egg

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I think I've recounted this before, but a girl threw an egg at me from the passenger window of a car. She was a good shot, so she got me right in the centre of my chest. The bizarre thing was that after it hit she shouted out "you sexy bastard!" (which I am). That nonplussed me for a bit, cos I wasn't sure if it was some strange new courtship ritual that I wasn't privy to.

[madhair60]

eggdillis 9

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Eggsception. An egg within an egg within an egg within an egg.

I must go deeper.

[madhair60]

egginafuckingchip

[Buelligan]

I'm afraid I have to QI fart you for that.

[phes]

Sat in a pub garden having a quiet beer in a Leeds pub once and this gang of students were playing a game of sorts where the penalty for losing was having an egg crushed on your head. Maybe 1 in every 6 eggs wasn't hard boiled. To be honest it looked far worse having Harry take a run-up and slam a hard boiled egg against your forehead with exquisite velocity. Despite everything there is to hate about this I have to admit to very much enjoying the explosion of excitement each time someone got raw egged.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

I went through a phase of egging houses with my mates when I was a kid but we used wasp eggs so there was no real harm done.

[Cloud]

<tag>Breaking News</tag>

[Ian Drunken Smurf]

Got egged in Dublin crossing the road by my hotel in September 2010 by some neds in a car. I was shitfaced after a conference and said to the guy next to me and fellow egging victim "they may have ruined my suit, but I can do something about that, while they are condemned to a life of being ugly wasters!" and his response was "Can't believe they wasted dinner for four on egging us!"

[Soup Dogg]

Is egged and floured the vegetarian tarred and feathered? I know the vegans use tahini and polenta.

[goinggoinggone]

The longest I've edged is about 5 hours...

I'll get my coat.

[Soup Dogg]

The longest I've edged is about 5 hours...

I'll get my yolk.

[Sebastian Cobb]

When my house was egged by some lads from school my Mum was convinced I was being bullied. I wasn't like, everyone just egged everyone for a bit around year 8/9. Then I broke my arm playing footy and was convinced that it had actually been broken by one of my bullies who, again, didn't exist. She came in to school to ask my form teacher to look out for me and air her concerns. She still refers to me "having that trouble" in school, and I've long since given up trying to set her straight.

Basically egging permanently fractured my relationship with my mother. But sure, egging is "cool". Pathetic.

My mum reckoned I was sniffing glue at one point. Her reasons were I was a bit spotty and she could smell glue.

I'd been glueing something I'd broke. I don't even know if you can get high off liquid poly.

Joke's on her. I was well into soap bar by that point.

[Soup Dogg]

When I was about 16/17 our little gang of shaggy haired mates went to an eighteenth birthday party in a cricket club in a slightly dodgy suburb of Liverpool. We tired of the festivities and left to smoke a couple of joints in an alleyway somewhere and then decided to wander off, possibly to a pub.

So we were pretty stoned walking down a long, dark, and mostly empty street and a silence came over us, pensive, and foggy and tinged with paranoia in that stoned way. And then we hear this engine approaching, coming up behind us, and it's getting louder and louder and clearly going pretty fast and this silver Merc tears past us and makes a couple of us jump. And we sort of laugh and go "fuckin' hell" and hypothesize about whatever dodgy shit the guy in the Merc is up to. And then a couple of minutes later we see it coming back, towards us this time, much slower. And it sort of slows to a crawl as it comes past us and we turn, naturally, to look and there's four mean looking scallies looking right back at us as the car slowly goes by. And after it passes we hear it speed up and zoom off again.

This time our laughter's a bit more forced and all we can really say is "fuckin hell, mad that", and quicken our pace. And then, inevitably, we begin to hear an engine rumbling behind us, and getting closer, and closer. And a braver member of our group manages to turn around and look, and confirms our fears with a leaden "Oh fucking hell...". And then the Merc is right up alongside us again, only this time none of us our looking at it, forcefully looking straight ahead as if we didn't notice this creeping hulk of chrome matching our pace like we were a bunch of Lime Street tarts.

And then we hear windows go down, and you can't help but turn. And there they are, feet, inches away, big bunch of mean-looking ugly bastards, silently staring. And then the one in the passenger seat shouts "SHOOT 'EM" and we fucking scream and then suddenly things are popping off all around us and something hits me in the chest and I stumble back and my hands are wet where I've clutched the impact and I can't even think, I'm all fucking jackhammer heartbeat in my ears.

And then they giggle and drive off and, obviously, we've been egged. And we're not going to die and I haven't even shit my pants. And we fucking LAUGH mate. We laugh and laugh and feel pure elation, and we all realize how beautiful the night is, paranoia gone, just a beautiful peaceful ecstasy coming over us, that beautiful kind of teenage stoned. So we sat in a park and had another joint, and I thought about how great a thing an egging can be.


And that's it. That's my egging story.

[Soup Dogg]

My mum reckoned I was sniffing glue at one point. Her reasons were I was a bit spotty and she could smell glue.

I'd been glueing something I'd broke. I don't even know if you can get high off liquid poly.

Joke's on her. I was well into soap bar by that point.

Mums. They just don't get us.

[shiftwork2]

A co-worker of mine got egged from a passing car and it hit him right on the bell end.  Unfortunately for him it had been hard-boiled.  Pre-meditation in egging.  I like to think the thrower was a fan of Raymond Chandler.

[Johnny Yesno]

I got egged right on the noggin from a passing SUV while sitting outside a pub last autumn. I am totally bald, so it was hilarious, I guess.

[Johnny Yesno]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9o3a6y3fbc

Folk is largely shit for cunts, isn't it?

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

I went through a phase of egging houses with my mates when I was a kid but we used wasp eggs so there was no real harm done.

The thing is, with these wasp eggs you had to pick them up with a damp cotton bud, transfer them to your finger, and then press them against the target. It was really quite a faff, considering.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

We egged our headmaster's car but I don't think he noticed. He's dead now.