Topic: SAS Who Is This Cunt?

[Norton Canes]

And how come Ant gets to show a commercial for his upcoming tour in the ad break? I thought the ASA had rules against people being allowed to advertise their own stuff if they're in the programme.

[Lord Mandrake]

Foxy's an interesting man. I mean, he's seen stuff hasn't he? I'd read his autobiography if he had one.

He has, it's called battle scars and it's as bleak as fuck.

[Ray Travez]

nice one, I'll be getting this

[Norton Canes]

Paras - Men Of War sort of fizzled out in the last episode I thought, most of the training overlooked in favour of glossy PR-friendly footage of the NATO exercise. When it finished I did what I've been meaning to do for years, and started a binge-watch of the BBC's classic 1983 doc The Paras. Now that was a series. Thirty six years on and I remember plenty of the scenes almost word-for-word. The big difference is that the first time i watched it the recruits were older than me, only by a couple of years but they all seemed like men. Now most of them look like the striplings they were. Star of the series though was the inimitable Glyn Worsnip, a constant presence off-camera, his authoritative tones undercutting the entire thing, by turns witty and solemn, sympathetic and scathing. If only Ant Middleton were half the man Glyn Worsnip was.

Being shot in the grainy 4:3 80's the landscapes are utterly bleak. The whole time I was expecting the interior scenes to switch to studio-bound video.

[Ray Travez]

Chrissiebrmc watched that one as well- not sure where I was, probably down the bookies. She said the language was stuff you couldn't get away with now, would be considered discriminatory.

Finished series two of SAS- Shouting at Men in Harsh Terrain, and on to series three; desert. Ant's hair and beard just as neatly coiffured as ever, and Foxy's had a dye job. Probably not what I'm supposed to be focusing on.

[izadoru]

i'd like to sit on ant's face minus my knickers;-)

[imitationleather]

i'd like to sit on ant's face minus my knickers;-)

You can't run a unit like that.

[Norton Canes]

i'd like to sit on ant's face minus my knickers;-)

Report immediately for psychiatric observation


Hilariously poor attempt by Ant and co. (I'm trying desperately to find a play on 'and Dec') to get under the skin of posh boy Toby (?) this week, ending in utter failure and them resorting to calling him names once he'd left the interview room. Yeah Ant, that's all he'd ever be... your commanding officer. Suck it up.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Ant and Dreck.

[Norton Canes]

YES

[imitationleather]

The '80s and '90s Paras documentaries are quality, and I say this as someone with a general indifference erring upon full-blooded loathing for the army. I actually came away with a new-found respect for the mad bastards. Is it too late for me to become an officer?

The new ITV one was okay, but as mentioned I could have done without half the final episode being all about how they're primed for war with Russia and playing beer-pong with their Yank counterparts. Boring, and anyone watching who thinks chucking a few lads out of a plane is going to do anything to help if war with Russia ever happened then I imagine they're the type who would seamlessly fit in to the Question Time Wall of Gammon.

The series where they're only pretending to join are shit. Reminds me of Bear Grylls-style nonsense. Fuck that shit right off.

[A Hat Like That]

The '80s and '90s Paras documentaries are quality, and I say this as someone with a general indifference erring upon full-blooded loathing for the army. I actually came away with a new-found respect for the mad bastards. Is it too late for me to become an officer?

The new ITV one was okay, but as mentioned I could have done without half the final episode being all about how they're primed for war with Russia and playing beer-pong with their Yank counterparts. Boring, and anyone watching who thinks chucking a few lads out of a plane is going to do anything to help if war with Russia ever happened then I imagine they're the type who would seamlessly fit in to the Question Time Wall of Gammon.

The series where they're only pretending to join are shit. Reminds me of Bear Grylls-style nonsense. Fuck that shit right off.

For full-bore 80s action, try:

Marines' Mountain and Arctic Warfare Cadre (1985)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXJb_zlq7r4

The Making of a Royal Marine Officer (1989)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jv-pxrUNhmw

"Good evening. Do the top button up on your jacket. When you're getting very casual late at night, you might venture to undo it."

[Ray Travez]

cheers hat, they're now on the list

[Ray Travez]

watching this, I sometimes wonder where I'd drop out, which bit would break me. The cold, the exertion, the sleep deprivation? And I realised, the part where I think I’d lose enthusiasm would be booking the train ticket to the initial screening interview. 

[imitationleather]

watching this, I sometimes wonder where I'd drop out, which bit would break me. The cold, the exertion, the sleep deprivation? And I realised, the part where I think I’d lose enthusiasm would be booking the train ticket to the initial screening interview.

I think everyone I know's laughter when reacting to me telling them I was enlisting might give me shellshock.

[Norton Canes]

Bit of a batshit hatstand ending to the series last night, with the psychological terror of the Interrogations.

Now obviously this is one area of Special Forces training that can't accurately replicate the rigors to which recruits would normally be subjected, especially in a sanitized TV show, but even so there was something eminently pathetic about the 'Harshing' sessions being reduced to a bawl-out from a guy who looked like he'd stumbled out of a Wetherspoons late one night and taken offence to you staring at his baseball cap. "Strip down to your fucking skiddies!!" howled baseball cap man, forlornly attempting to inject some actual menace into his playground taunts. Suffice to say his berserk rants didn't faze any of the remaining recruits. More effective was the stress positioning, with Posh Boy Toby finally succumbing to the physical strain by rather brilliantly admitting "my neck is absolutely throbbing". He was out of the reckoning, but the show wasn't finished with him - lest we forget, in the last installment he'd proved resistant to the top trio's attempts to get under his skin and coax out some tears, so we were treated to the sight of him back in the dormitory calling home and blubbing pitifully to his mum. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO UPSTAGE ANT MIDDLETON you silly boy, he'll find a way to tear you down. Funnily we didn't get to see any of the other competitors' calls home. Could it be that Ant Middleton harboured a special desire to see his nemesis humiliated? I wouldn't put it past him, that's all I'm saying.

(By the way, I don't get this thing about breaking people down by playing them loops of electrical glitches or power drills. I like Autechre and Einsturzende Neubauten - that stuff is literally like music to my ears.)

Anyway with five competitors left in the mix it was away with the "Did you touch my fucking kebab?" tactics and in with the softly softly approach, as a whispering, honey-tongued female interrogator with eyes like paperweights was brought in to cajole secrets out of the interrogees. It was at this point that the process became so nebulous and impossible to gauge objectively that it basically left Ant Middleton free to put his own spin on who did well. A young female competitor, still remarkably perky despite her physical tribulations, was castigated for deflecting the questions of her silver-voiced examiner; while skittish Milo, clearly foundering in an extreme state of mental and physical exhaustion, was commended despite almost immediately spilling all the beans, including the entire team's cover story, and even going on to reveal that his father had been a member of the armed forces - information an enemy power would no doubt seize upon joyously. But Ant Middleton was enraptured, believing it was the deer-hearted lad leading the interrogator a merry dance.

So on to the prizes. Perky interrogation-resistant girl was summarily dismissed, as was a nondescript 'did fine' bloke, whose one transgression appeared to be a one-line, throwaway dismissal of his companions' integrity - and a well-founded one, I would argue, since a few weeks ago half of them voted him the most untrustworthy recruit. Still, off they went, rather bizarrely walking out the training area's main gates to... where exactly, in the middle of the Andes? I hope someone let them back in to get their stuff. And the winners were? Woeful Milo, 'cause brother died in Afghanistan, ARE BRAVE BOYS; stolid Mark, still grieving after his wife's suicide, 'cause COMPASSION (even though his failure in the Harshing led to Milo being buried alive); and... oh yeah Woman, 'cause WOMAN, with Ant Middleton graciously admitting she'd convinced him that women might actually be good at something. 

After that all that was left to do in the Isn't Ant Middleton Great Show was for Ant Middleton to show he was Great by hugging the woman and giving reassuring but frankly condescending shoulder-pats to the blokes, and demonstrate his messiah complex by redeeming them all their sins, for truly he is kind. Although, to tell you the truth - if I was a jounalist and I'd written an uncomplimentary piece about him or one of his shows, I think I would genuinely fear for my safety.

[A Hat Like That]

(By the way, I don't get this thing about breaking people down by playing them loops of electrical glitches or power drills. I like Autechre and Einsturzende Neubauten - that stuff is literally like music to my ears.)

In Guantanamo, when Metallica and Deicide failed to work, they would put the Barney the Dinosaur "I love you" song. Worked a treat!

[gilbertharding]

Is this as good as Bad Lad's Army?

I used to like Bad Lad's Army.

A historical reenactment of 1950s National Service Basic training for a self-selected handful of off-the-rails youth in the early 00s. At the time it was on I worked with someone who had enlisted in the Royal Engineers as a 16 year old in about 1981. He told me that because he was 16, he spent more or less two entire years doing all the bullshit in the show, such as spending the day reconstructing the entire barrack room outside on the parade square. Then polishing everything and putting it back. While being screamed at by a tiny man with a moustache and a stick.

I've just re-watched (for the first time in 36 years) The Paras on the iPlayer. I'm sure they've cut an episode, because I distinctly remember a scene with The Regimental Bath, where the recruits pick on some poor hapless mark and beast him horribly. Or was that another army documentary?

[Norton Canes]

Wiki says 7 episodes, as many as there are on the iPlayer. Maybe you dreamed about the stuff in the Regimental Bath.

As an addendum to my SAS Who Is This Cunt? final episode review, it transpires the 'perky interrogation-resistant girl' is in fact the self-styled Red Shepherdess, an ex-urbanite who seems to be very adept at building a brand for herself that involves the acquisition for no cost of a great deal of expensive outdoor wear. I'm guessing the production team for SAS-WITC weren't too pleased at being duped by someone effectively after some free advertising and put the kibosh on the possibility of her winning.

[gilbertharding]

https://www.google.com/search?q=the+regimental+bath&oq=the+regimental+bath&aqs=chrome..69i57.5254j0j1&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

It must have featured in another 'army recruit' documentary from around the same time.

[imitationleather]

The Paras is a very positive portrayal of the army training regime so no way would any beasting have been featured in it.

I've spoken to actual old men who did National Service back when it was a thing and they said that as long as you fitted in it was all a bit of a laugh really, but if you didn't it was absolute hell. Which sounds about right.

[gilbertharding]

I agree that it's a positive piece - but our idea of what's acceptable has clearly shifted.

There's the Milling at the beginning of P Company for instance (I know they still do it, but I wonder what a modern audience would make of it). And if the cabaret scene is something which still happens it wouldn't have been filmed or transmitted now.

Never mind the 'see both sides' version of Bloody Sunday in the final episode (which, by the way, should be shown to the likes of Gavin Williamson, preferably while he's strapped to a chair with his eyes held open Clockwork Orange style).

Like I said, I was in the Air Cadets in the 80s. I'm not kidding myself it was anything like doing actual service, but several of my peers took clear 'inspiration' from these documentaries in how to make life miserable for people who they decided didn't fit in. And if you didn't fit in, but wanted to fly, you (by which I mean 'I') put up with it.

[imitationleather]

What I found interesting about watching the different eras of these documentaries is how much the sort of standard person in the intake altered. In The Paras it's nearly all young men on the dole (not surprising given when it was filmed), and I imagine that in that climate there probably was an attitude of "Get all these feckless scum in to the army, that'll sort them out!" As a consequence of the paras being offered as a career choice at the job centre I'd expect that there were a lot of people rocking up to Aldershot completely unsuited for that life who consequently had a terrible time. Which The Paras doesn't go in to at all. However by the '90s it seems to be people already in the forces who want to join the elite and there's a shift in focus of the whole thing as being a lot more selective.

[gilbertharding]

Yes, that's true.

Watching The Paras it was sad seeing the ones who had to drop out, one or two of whom knew they were going back on the dole - either because they'd quit something with vague prospects to join, or else because there was absolutely nothing else for them to do.

It's amazing how black and white young people are though. Everything's either really great, or totally shit (when in fact they don't know how lucky they are just to be young).

[A Hat Like That]

I used to like Bad Lad's Army.

A historical reenactment of 1950s National Service Basic training for a self-selected handful of off-the-rails youth in the early 00s. At the time it was on I worked with someone who had enlisted in the Royal Engineers as a 16 year old in about 1981. He told me that because he was 16, he spent more or less two entire years doing all the bullshit in the show, such as spending the day reconstructing the entire barrack room outside on the parade square. Then polishing everything and putting it back. While being screamed at by a tiny man with a moustache and a stick.

A mate of mine going through RMR training ended up having to reconstruct the barrack room on the platform of Lympstone station.

They then ended up in the Exe.



When I was younger, I got a mild version of that on a cadets' course at CTC Lympstone. Still took hours and so much water to even begin to feel clean again.