Author Topic: SAS Who Is This Cunt?  (Read 2246 times)

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #30 on: January 28, 2019, 11:54:59 AM »
And how come Ant gets to show a commercial for his upcoming tour in the ad break? I thought the ASA had rules against people being allowed to advertise their own stuff if they're in the programme.

Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #31 on: January 28, 2019, 12:02:47 PM »


Foxy's an interesting man. I mean, he's seen stuff hasn't he? I'd read his autobiography if he had one.


He has, it's called battle scars and it's as bleak as fuck.

Ray Travez

  • devised by Graeme Garden
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #32 on: January 28, 2019, 12:05:56 PM »
nice one, I'll be getting this

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #33 on: January 28, 2019, 12:08:51 PM »
Paras - Men Of War sort of fizzled out in the last episode I thought, most of the training overlooked in favour of glossy PR-friendly footage of the NATO exercise. When it finished I did what I've been meaning to do for years, and started a binge-watch of the BBC's classic 1983 doc The Paras. Now that was a series. Thirty six years on and I remember plenty of the scenes almost word-for-word. The big difference is that the first time i watched it the recruits were older than me, only by a couple of years but they all seemed like men. Now most of them look like the striplings they were. Star of the series though was the inimitable Glyn Worsnip, a constant presence off-camera, his authoritative tones undercutting the entire thing, by turns witty and solemn, sympathetic and scathing. If only Ant Middleton were half the man Glyn Worsnip was.

Being shot in the grainy 4:3 80's the landscapes are utterly bleak. The whole time I was expecting the interior scenes to switch to studio-bound video.

Ray Travez

  • devised by Graeme Garden
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #34 on: February 02, 2019, 12:29:33 AM »
Chrissiebrmc watched that one as well- not sure where I was, probably down the bookies. She said the language was stuff you couldn't get away with now, would be considered discriminatory.

Finished series two of SAS- Shouting at Men in Harsh Terrain, and on to series three; desert. Ant's hair and beard just as neatly coiffured as ever, and Foxy's had a dye job. Probably not what I'm supposed to be focusing on.

Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #35 on: February 02, 2019, 02:12:31 AM »
i'd like to sit on ant's face minus my knickers;-)

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #36 on: February 02, 2019, 03:50:40 AM »
i'd like to sit on ant's face minus my knickers;-)

You can't run a unit like that.

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #37 on: February 04, 2019, 01:53:49 PM »
i'd like to sit on ant's face minus my knickers;-)

Report immediately for psychiatric observation


Hilariously poor attempt by Ant and co. (I'm trying desperately to find a play on 'and Dec') to get under the skin of posh boy Toby (?) this week, ending in utter failure and them resorting to calling him names once he'd left the interview room. Yeah Ant, that's all he'd ever be... your commanding officer. Suck it up.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • it made more sense in my head i don't know
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #38 on: February 04, 2019, 02:48:42 PM »
Ant and Dreck.

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #39 on: February 04, 2019, 02:52:05 PM »
YES

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #40 on: February 04, 2019, 04:14:51 PM »
The '80s and '90s Paras documentaries are quality, and I say this as someone with a general indifference erring upon full-blooded loathing for the army. I actually came away with a new-found respect for the mad bastards. Is it too late for me to become an officer?

The new ITV one was okay, but as mentioned I could have done without half the final episode being all about how they're primed for war with Russia and playing beer-pong with their Yank counterparts. Boring, and anyone watching who thinks chucking a few lads out of a plane is going to do anything to help if war with Russia ever happened then I imagine they're the type who would seamlessly fit in to the Question Time Wall of Gammon.

The series where they're only pretending to join are shit. Reminds me of Bear Grylls-style nonsense. Fuck that shit right off.

Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #41 on: February 04, 2019, 05:51:46 PM »
The '80s and '90s Paras documentaries are quality, and I say this as someone with a general indifference erring upon full-blooded loathing for the army. I actually came away with a new-found respect for the mad bastards. Is it too late for me to become an officer?

The new ITV one was okay, but as mentioned I could have done without half the final episode being all about how they're primed for war with Russia and playing beer-pong with their Yank counterparts. Boring, and anyone watching who thinks chucking a few lads out of a plane is going to do anything to help if war with Russia ever happened then I imagine they're the type who would seamlessly fit in to the Question Time Wall of Gammon.

The series where they're only pretending to join are shit. Reminds me of Bear Grylls-style nonsense. Fuck that shit right off.

For full-bore 80s action, try:

Marines' Mountain and Arctic Warfare Cadre (1985)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXJb_zlq7r4

The Making of a Royal Marine Officer (1989)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jv-pxrUNhmw

"Good evening. Do the top button up on your jacket. When you're getting very casual late at night, you might venture to undo it."

Ray Travez

  • devised by Graeme Garden
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #42 on: February 06, 2019, 01:14:51 AM »
cheers hat, they're now on the list

Ray Travez

  • devised by Graeme Garden
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #43 on: February 07, 2019, 11:46:47 AM »
watching this, I sometimes wonder where I'd drop out, which bit would break me. The cold, the exertion, the sleep deprivation? And I realised, the part where I think I’d lose enthusiasm would be booking the train ticket to the initial screening interview. 

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #44 on: February 07, 2019, 11:58:37 AM »
watching this, I sometimes wonder where I'd drop out, which bit would break me. The cold, the exertion, the sleep deprivation? And I realised, the part where I think I’d lose enthusiasm would be booking the train ticket to the initial screening interview.

I think everyone I know's laughter when reacting to me telling them I was enlisting might give me shellshock.

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #45 on: February 11, 2019, 02:00:34 PM »
Bit of a batshit hatstand ending to the series last night, with the psychological terror of the Interrogations.

Now obviously this is one area of Special Forces training that can't accurately replicate the rigors to which recruits would normally be subjected, especially in a sanitized TV show, but even so there was something eminently pathetic about the 'Harshing' sessions being reduced to a bawl-out from a guy who looked like he'd stumbled out of a Wetherspoons late one night and taken offence to you staring at his baseball cap. "Strip down to your fucking skiddies!!" howled baseball cap man, forlornly attempting to inject some actual menace into his playground taunts. Suffice to say his berserk rants didn't faze any of the remaining recruits. More effective was the stress positioning, with Posh Boy Toby finally succumbing to the physical strain by rather brilliantly admitting "my neck is absolutely throbbing". He was out of the reckoning, but the show wasn't finished with him - lest we forget, in the last installment he'd proved resistant to the top trio's attempts to get under his skin and coax out some tears, so we were treated to the sight of him back in the dormitory calling home and blubbing pitifully to his mum. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO UPSTAGE ANT MIDDLETON you silly boy, he'll find a way to tear you down. Funnily we didn't get to see any of the other competitors' calls home. Could it be that Ant Middleton harboured a special desire to see his nemesis humiliated? I wouldn't put it past him, that's all I'm saying.

(By the way, I don't get this thing about breaking people down by playing them loops of electrical glitches or power drills. I like Autechre and Einsturzende Neubauten - that stuff is literally like music to my ears.)

Anyway with five competitors left in the mix it was away with the "Did you touch my fucking kebab?" tactics and in with the softly softly approach, as a whispering, honey-tongued female interrogator with eyes like paperweights was brought in to cajole secrets out of the interrogees. It was at this point that the process became so nebulous and impossible to gauge objectively that it basically left Ant Middleton free to put his own spin on who did well. A young female competitor, still remarkably perky despite her physical tribulations, was castigated for deflecting the questions of her silver-voiced examiner; while skittish Milo, clearly foundering in an extreme state of mental and physical exhaustion, was commended despite almost immediately spilling all the beans, including the entire team's cover story, and even going on to reveal that his father had been a member of the armed forces - information an enemy power would no doubt seize upon joyously. But Ant Middleton was enraptured, believing it was the deer-hearted lad leading the interrogator a merry dance.

So on to the prizes. Perky interrogation-resistant girl was summarily dismissed, as was a nondescript 'did fine' bloke, whose one transgression appeared to be a one-line, throwaway dismissal of his companions' integrity - and a well-founded one, I would argue, since a few weeks ago half of them voted him the most untrustworthy recruit. Still, off they went, rather bizarrely walking out the training area's main gates to... where exactly, in the middle of the Andes? I hope someone let them back in to get their stuff. And the winners were? Woeful Milo, 'cause brother died in Afghanistan, ARE BRAVE BOYS; stolid Mark, still grieving after his wife's suicide, 'cause COMPASSION (even though his failure in the Harshing led to Milo being buried alive); and... oh yeah Woman, 'cause WOMAN, with Ant Middleton graciously admitting she'd convinced him that women might actually be good at something

After that all that was left to do in the Isn't Ant Middleton Great Show was for Ant Middleton to show he was Great by hugging the woman and giving reassuring but frankly condescending shoulder-pats to the blokes, and demonstrate his messiah complex by redeeming them all their sins, for truly he is kind. Although, to tell you the truth - if I was a jounalist and I'd written an uncomplimentary piece about him or one of his shows, I think I would genuinely fear for my safety.
« Last Edit: February 11, 2019, 03:15:24 PM by Norton Canes »

Re: SAS Who Is This Cunt?
« Reply #46 on: February 11, 2019, 04:32:52 PM »

(By the way, I don't get this thing about breaking people down by playing them loops of electrical glitches or power drills. I like Autechre and Einsturzende Neubauten - that stuff is literally like music to my ears.)


In Guantanamo, when Metallica and Deicide failed to work, they would put the Barney the Dinosaur "I love you" song. Worked a treat!