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Britain's Worst Standups

Started by Mark Steels Stockbroker, January 16, 2019, 11:43:10 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Ferris

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on January 20, 2019, 06:25:36 PM
On paper I like her, agree with her views and liked Super November, but sadly can't find her very funny or entertaining. I'd like to.

I see where you're coming from, but it seems a bit off to mention her in a thread of the UK's worst stand ups. She's no "that bald bloke with a beard from panel shows", whoever he is. You know the one. He's objectively worse.

St_Eddie

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on January 20, 2019, 06:25:36 PM
...I like her, agree with her views and liked Super November...

Well, I for one would care to hear what her opinions on Super Nintendo are.

Having said that...

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 20, 2019, 06:49:10 PM
"that bald bloke with a beard from panel shows"...

... this guy sounds like he knows more about Super Nintendo.

Funcrusher

Quote from: magval on January 20, 2019, 05:52:31 PM
site:cookdandbombd.co.uk she's-shit

Type that into Google (the search engine Google I mean)

I'd forgotten about the olden days on here when you couldn't move for posts ranting about her or Robin Ince.

Ferris

Edit: this all feels needlessly cruel. I think I'll stop posting in this thread for now.

gatchamandave

Quote from: idunnosomename on January 20, 2019, 01:56:56 PM
Angela Barnes has taken radio 4 comedy to a new low, if that's possible. The hackiest material you can imagine (e.g. bait and switch about dieting and food), and she literally SHOUTS constantly.

Couldn't manage more than five minutes, but to me you've named the winner. Unless Jo Caulfield still has a career, as even ten years on she stands apart as absolutely nasty for both material and delivery.

St_Eddie

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 20, 2019, 07:26:35 PM
Edit: this all feels needlessly cruel. I think I'll stop posting in this thread that I post in.

My thoughts exactly for every single thread that I post in and yet, I still keep on posting.  You're a wiser person than I.

Replies From View

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 20, 2019, 07:26:35 PM
Edit: this all feels needlessly cruel. I think I'll stop posting in this thread for now.

I don't know what you posted and how cruel it was, but as far as I'm concerned anybody who makes a decent living by being funny yet isn't actually capable of being even remotely funny is fair game for a bit of criticism.

notjosh

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 20, 2019, 06:02:54 PM
I still like her though. Very endearing and nice, I want nothing but good things for her.

That was my feeling for a while, but then I saw her 2015 Fringe show and thought it was genuinely excellent and she seemed to have really grown as a stand up. Haven't caught up with her since unfortunately, but certainly don't think she belongs in a thread like this.

Plus, I'll defend Michael McIntyre to the extent that a few of his bits have stuck in my head for a few years. For instance, his comment on everybody on the train reading the same newspaper - "why doesn't one person just read it to the carriage?" - is a lovely idea which I think about often. And the 'McSkip' is a pretty decent innovation too.

My nomination for worst stand-up would be any of those ones who have a regular weekly compering gig but, rather than using it as a golden opportunity to try new stuff and strengthen their act, do the exact same opening shtick every time, followed by 20 minutes of weak crowd-work and half a stab at a joke, before they bring on someone who is actually trying. What is point?

Replies From View

Those bits weren't written by McIntyre, I'd assume.

Whether he's a good comedian would depend on his delivery of the material rather than its content, which we can't be sure he's responsible for.

Icehaven

Quote from: Maurice Yeatman on January 20, 2019, 01:34:48 PM
No mentions for the subject of the ancient [Redacted] - She's Shit thread. I'm glad she won the forum over.

Weirdly when I saw this post I knew exactly who it was about.

neveragain

Edit: might have been a bit OTT but I've just reread the original thread and nobody comes out of it very well, although the rather hateful verbal abuse is less irritating than the argument about telly being better in the past.

Ferris

Quote from: Replies From View on January 20, 2019, 08:41:06 PM
I don't know what you posted and how cruel it was, but as far as I'm concerned anybody who makes a decent living by being funny yet isn't actually capable of being even remotely funny is fair game for a bit of criticism.

I didn't post anything cruel (I'm too much of a pansy) but I felt like I was contributing to a thread that wasn't nice, and some of these comics seem genuinely nice so I just replaced my banal comment with a brief explanation and left it at that.

Sin Agog

Josie Long's lovely, silly rabbits.  Just her nice, slightly nervous, self whenever she's onstage.  There are so many worse people you could name.  But seeing as how I can't remember any of them, I'll just say Katy Brand.

hummingofevil

Quote from: Sin Agog on January 20, 2019, 10:25:09 PM
Josie Long's lovely, silly rabbits.  Just her nice, slightly nervous, self whenever she's onstage.  There are so many worse people you could name.  But seeing as how I can't remember any of them, I'll just say Katy Brand.

Yes. My first show of her's was Romance and Adventure and seen her multiple times since and I think she is an incredibly talented comic. If you don't agree with politically I can just about see how she might rub you up the wrong way but the sheer charm she brings to her act is surely enough to win most people over. Her writing is strong and her stage craft is spot on. A natural.

The Lurker

Got to give another +1 for Chubby Brown. Ended up watching some of his standup on YouTube not too long ago to see if he was as bad as people make out. His patter is horrendous and outdated and he also has no stage presence whatsoever. He spends a lot of the time laughing at his own jokes too - I suppose someone has to.

Quote from: j_u_d_a_s on January 17, 2019, 01:49:09 AM
Joe Lycett
Saw his BBC thing where he did a funny routine about bothering some overworked council assistant because he parked like a cunt. Whole thing just had an air of superior "needless to say, I had the last laugh" about it, fuck off!.

I know what you mean Lycett's "needless to say, I had the last laugh" shtick - he's done a few things like that which tend to go viral. I would wager that they either didn't happen or are grossly exaggerated.

monkfromhavana

Quote from: Mark Steels Stockbroker on January 19, 2019, 09:32:06 PM
90s band Altern8 boasted they had VapoRub in the masks they wore in their stage outfits. Maybe they started the whole business.

They wore Vicks in their mask because it got quite hot in there and it helped them breath. Network's PR man, John McCready (source of most of their japes) twisted it to say it intensified the buzz.

E-Vapor-8 indeed.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: gatchamandave on January 20, 2019, 07:28:53 PM
Couldn't manage more than five minutes, but to me you've named the winner. Unless Jo Caulfield still has a career, as even ten years on she stands apart as absolutely nasty for both material and delivery.

I think they swapped her for Zoe Lyons.

thenoise

#167
Quote from: Maurice Yeatman on January 20, 2019, 05:23:59 PM
Neither. To be fair, the thread was a long time ago.
Ok, well I'll let other interested parties google. Not a favourite but she's superior to either of the two ladies I was thinking of (and even they aren't offensively awful).

Dusty Substance

Quote from: Sin Agog on January 20, 2019, 10:25:09 PM
Josie Long's lovely, silly rabbits.  Just her nice, slightly nervous, self whenever she's onstage.

I once saw her deal with a bunch of Daily Mail type hecklers (they only started heckling and chatting when her routine became political) in the most professional, charming and polite way possible. They were noisy cunts and she could easily have gone off at them but she handled it brilliantly.


lankyguy95

Quote from: gatchamandave on January 20, 2019, 07:28:53 PM
Couldn't manage more than five minutes, but to me you've named the winner. Unless Jo Caulfield still has a career, as even ten years on she stands apart as absolutely nasty for both material and delivery.
I saw her at the Comedy Store two or three years ago. She was pretty nondescript.

kalowski

Quote from: magval on January 20, 2019, 05:52:31 PM
site:cookdandbombd.co.uk she's-shit

Type that into Google (the search engine Google I mean)
She was alright on Whose Line is it Anyway?

olliebean

Quote from: kalowski on January 21, 2019, 09:18:22 PM
She was alright on Whose Line is it Anyway?

She was good as Ollie in The Thick of It.

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: thenoise on January 20, 2019, 04:06:09 PM
The lady ventriloquist? Barely even a comedian.

Shitting hell, Nina Conti - I'd forgotten about her.  Saw her supporting someone a few years ago.  I forget who.  She was abysmal I thought, though seemed to be fairly well received by everyone else.  Massive in the States.  Completely ruined Christopher Guest's Family Tree for me.  She did several of the same jokes, verbatim, when she appeared on QI some years later.

chveik

Quote from: olliebean on January 21, 2019, 10:17:49 PM
She was good as Ollie in The Thick of It.

they're all good as Ollie in The Thick of It by the time I've finished with them.

Shit Good Nose

Just so this thread doesn't descend into (or is perceived to be descending into) a "women aren't funny" thing, I'll quickly add Mark Lamarr.

A few caveats, though - ignoring his rep as being a bit of a cunt, I loved him on Buzzcocks and Shooting Stars, think he's a decent DJ, and 15 Storeys High pretty much gives him a pass for life.  BUT...

When I saw the Shooting Stars live show, he was the support act.  And it was just twenty minutes of lad humour where every other word was fuck or cunt, but not in a funny and silly Derek and Clive way.  Now, bear in mind that it was supposed to be an almost-family show (no one under 12 and under 15s had to be accompanied by a parent or guardian), he also shouldn't have been Lamarr - originally, and for the first few dates of the tour, it was Matt Lucas doing something light hearted (I forget what now, but recall it containing a song and dance sequence), but due to repeating technical problems and the cost of doing it, it was quickly shit-canned and replaced very last minute, presumably with Lamarr volunteering.  Anyway, I've heard other bits of Lamarr's stand-up from the time, and it was representative.

St_Eddie

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on January 21, 2019, 10:32:12 PM
Shitting hell, Nina Conti - I'd forgotten about her.  Saw her supporting someone a few years ago.  I forget who.  She was abysmal I thought, though seemed to be fairly well received by everyone else.  Massive in the States.  Completely ruined Christopher Guest's Family Tree for me.  She did several of the same jokes, verbatim, when she appeared on QI some years later.

Nina Conti's various appearances on panel shows are all as awkward as heck.  The audience reaction is always tepid at best and you can virtually hear the annoyance among the crowd.  She's like an unwanted guest, gatecrashing the party.  Aside from anything else, it's extremely distracting to have a ventriloquist on a panel show.  Nobody wants to hear the opinions of an old lady puppet in that format.  Nor a monkey puppet for that matter.

Bobtoo

I saw Chubby Brown in Blackpool in 1994. At the time he was more smutty than nasty (although he did say that John Currie, who had just died of AIDS, should have known what his arse was for with that name), but he just rattled through the set with no timing or stagecraft at all, as mentioned above.

It was a bit like when you're told to read something out at school and you race through just to get it over with.

I saw him in the early 90s and have never been to a supposed comedy event with a more unsettling atmosphere. There was the expected raucous laughter from lagered-up LADS but also a feeling of barely suppressed anger, as if things could kick off if somebody said the wrong thing. Perhaps it was just me. Also, he wasn't very funny.

phantom_power

Quote from: monkfromhavana on January 21, 2019, 12:58:01 PM
They wore Vicks in their mask because it got quite hot in there and it helped them breath. Network's PR man, John McCready (source of most of their japes) twisted it to say it intensified the buzz.

E-Vapor-8 indeed.

It was definitely a thing since the early days of raves but it was more putting vaporub on your skin as it felt odd and exaggerated the tingling rushes you got every now and then

hummingofevil

I think one way of calibrating this thread is including people people have seen live. Pretty much all of the acts that have been judged negatively I've seen in person and would have at least something positive to say about them. For example, Jo Caulfield is a perfectly fine and technically impressive stand up. There are hundreds of worse stand ups than her. Nina Conti is fun too. Not great, or even good maybe, but far from terrible.

If I'm being entirely honest I've sat through an hour of James Acaster live and watched his Netflix special and to me he is a mirth-free Zone (I do like him on Taskmaster) but I appreciate that others like him and I'm objectively wrong. But he's not the worst.