Britain's Worst Standups

[Bronzy]

Ted Chippington obviously

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Hold please, performing some complex maths involving A (the shockingly low number of Roy Chubby Brown posts in this thread) versus B (the tiny percentage of standups who are women) versus C (the number of separate women standups somehow mentioned in this thread) versus D (the CaB sexism quotient)

[hummingofevil]

Hold please, performing some complex maths involving A (the shockingly low number of Roy Chubby Brown posts in this thread) versus B (the tiny percentage of standups who are women) versus C (the number of separate women standups somehow mentioned in this thread) versus D (the CaB sexism quotient)

Versus E: people who've seen stand ups  live.

The question of "why are women not funny?" (They are... hugely) needs to be replaced with "why are there loads more shit male comics than female ones?"

Look at my pop music thread! What it suggests, is given a genre and time, women tend to be more entertaining than men. I'll concede on the "heavy riffs" thread mind (for now at least)

[Bazooka]

Omid Djalili, oh wait sorry thought this was the thread for comedians banging on about being Iranian.

[gilbertharding]

Roy 'Chubby' Brown.

[Bronzy]

Omid Djalili, oh wait sorry thought this was the thread for comedians banging on about being Iranian.

I see your Omid Djalili, and I raise you Shappi Khorsandi.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Roy 'Chubby' Brown.

Ahhh.  Glad someone's finally got around to mentioning him here.

[bgmnts]

I'm probably one of the worst.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I can't remember his name but I was once given a free ticket for a Jongleurs gig in 2002 where an old man in a wheelchair played the trombone and told a lot of racist jokes, which was easily the worst twenty minutes of comedy I've ever been subjected to.

I also saw another bloke whose name I can't remember at the Edinburgh festival in 2009 where he did an hour long show about his divorce, there were only about four of us in the audience that day (and he'd suggested we come back another time when it was busier but we persuaded him to perform) and the sixty minutes of angry bitterness which followed was painful to witness, after about ten minutes I felt guilty about talking him in to doing his show but by the end I was actively hating the bloke due to his misogynistic rantings.

I also once wrote a review of Guilfest in 2001 and casually described Alistair Barrie as "shit" and nothing else, and he wrote me an email saying how upsetting he found that, which I did feel guilty about. I just checked and he's still going so I'm sure he's improved since then.

[Maurice Yeatman]

I can't remember his name but I was once given a free ticket for a Jongleurs gig in 2002 where an old man in a wheelchair played the trombone and told a lot of racist jokes

Jeremy Colton?

[Sebastian Cobb]

I also saw another bloke whose name I can't remember at the Edinburgh festival in 2009 where he did an hour long show about his divorce, there were only about four of us in the audience that day (and he'd suggested we come back another time when it was busier but we persuaded him to perform) and the sixty minutes of angry bitterness which followed was painful to witness, after about ten minutes I felt guilty about talking him in to doing his show but by the end I was actively hating the bloke due to his misogynistic rantings.

I saw a Mark Steel gig like that, apart from it was busy. Quite depressing after his good one about being adopted.

[arpster]

Andrew Lawrence ......saw him at the Fringe once, dying like a louse in a Cossack's beard..he challenged a heckler to come and have a go if you think you're hard enough, or words to that effect, heckler obliged...marched onto the stage and flattened him...have never seen that at a gig before or since...he probably deserved it

[Small Man Big Horse]

Jeremy Colton?

Ha, but no. Turns out it was Tony Gerrard, and a saxophone rather than a trombone. And he's also now dead. https://www.chortle.co.uk/news/2012/05/25/15468/tony_gerrard_dies

[St_Eddie]

I also once wrote a review of Guilfest in 2001 and casually described Alistair Barrie as "shit" and nothing else...

I just checked and he's still going so I'm sure he's improved since then.

"Slightly less shit".

[hummingofevil]

Alisatair Barrie's hour this year was excellent I thought. Did Free Fringe to a fairly big and very packed room and it was very well received. Nice controlled presence on stage and material was strong as he wove through all sorts of topics with some cracking jokes. Felt like watching a real pro.

The bit that sticks in my head is him wanting to drop kick his own baby out of a window.

[hummingofevil]

I've just realised there is someone who I think is genuinely shit. Shan't name him as it's a bit harsh but is quite a regular around Newcastle and The Stand and everytime I've seen him he has been utterly shit. It's that thing of you can tell he thinks he's funny and is oblivious that the audience don't agree. Tune into Nihal on Radio 5 for a similar vibe.

[bgmnts]

Fucksake name and shame him you bottlejob.

[hummingofevil]

 If he's got decent career and money and success then fair enough but knocking someone trying to find their way is a bit unfair. Properly shit though.

[bgmnts]

Andy Dawson?

[kalowski]

Les Dennis?

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

I can't remember his name but I was once given a free ticket for a Jongleurs gig in 2002 where an old man in a wheelchair played the trombone and told a lot of racist jokes, which was easily the worst twenty minutes of comedy I've ever been subjected to.

I saw this bloke back in 1998, used the fact that he was disabled as defense for making racist jokes which seemed very weak to me (a bit like his legs AMIRITE?). It was like watching a wheelchair bound Happy Shopper version of Chubby Brown/Jim Davidson.

[BeardFaceMan]

It always makes me shudder when I watch old panel shows and see Stephen K Amos appearing. Absolutely awful. Thankfully I havent seen a lot of his stand up but I've definitely seen enough to get the idea.

[Lordofthefiles]

It always makes me shudder when I watch old panel shows and see Stephen K Amos appearing. Absolutely awful. Thankfully I havent seen a lot of his stand up but I've definitely seen enough to get the idea.

...and he bummed someone into madness as I recall. So good riddance to the unfunny cunt!

[arpster]

Chas Smash?....

[wub1234]

I think I saw Jack Whitehall for a bit recently. I'm not sure because I don't watch TV, so I don't know who anyone is. But his material was extremely weak, although I felt a bit sorry for him because he was quite obviously nervous about playing in front of such a large audience.

This is something that we forget sometimes; even really accomplished and practiced performers get nervous. That's why, for example, Russell Brand is so over-the-top. It's all just a ruse to hide his real feelings. Because deep-down he's sh*tting himself for all the emotional and physical reasons you or I would be if we were in the same situation, and also he's thinking "this set is sh*t, and I don't know what I'm talking about".

Under usual circumstances, to stand on a stage and speak to people for a significant length of time should require you to have some expertise in what you're saying or doing, whereas standups just make stuff up and hope that other people find it funny. So they have no foundation of confidence or expertise on which to build, and little reason to be there if they're not funny. They also can't ever deride the reaction of the audience, and gain comfort from their own expertise, in the way that some pompous academic would, because if an audience doesn't think they're funny then they're always correct.

Having said that, I think the overwhelming majority of standup is rubbish, but then look at the 'comedians' that are popular; there's no requirement for good standup.

[QDRPHNC]

Not British, but the worst stand up I've seen was the opener for Neil Hamburger. Can't remember his name. Lots of try-hard lolrandom wackiness and singing songs in this falsetto. I thought he was quite good for the first ten minutes, but about half an hour in I was ready to kill him. To be fair, it didn't help that Mark Proksch happened to be in town and did a surprise pre-opening set, and was fucking brilliant.

Edit: I remember, Major Entertainer was his name. Imagine this for 30 minutes.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I think I saw Jack Whitehall for a bit recently. I'm not sure because I don't watch TV, so I don't know who anyone is. But his material was extremely weak, although I felt a bit sorry for him because he was quite obviously nervous about playing in front of such a large audience.

This is something that we forget sometimes; even really accomplished and practiced performers get nervous. That's why, for example, Russell Brand is so over-the-top. It's all just a ruse to hide his real feelings. Because deep-down he's sh*tting himself for all the emotional and physical reasons you or I would be if we were in the same situation, and also he's thinking "this set is sh*t, and I don't know what I'm talking about".

Under usual circumstances, to stand on a stage and speak to people for a significant length of time should require you to have some expertise in what you're saying or doing, whereas standups just make stuff up and hope that other people find it funny. So they have no foundation of confidence or expertise on which to build, and little reason to be there if they're not funny. They also can't ever deride the reaction of the audience, and gain comfort from their own expertise, in the way that some pompous academic would, because if an audience doesn't think they're funny then they're always correct.

Having said that, I think the overwhelming majority of standup is rubbish, but then look at the 'comedians' that are popular; there's no requirement for good standup.

Jack Whitehall has writers too, so there's no excuse for him being shit.

[Pancake]

Saw a promo shot of dobby off peep show holding a guitar so going to assume she's shite

[Small Man Big Horse]

I haven't seen her for about five years but I quite liked her stand up, it's nothing amazing but it was very likeable.

[Ray Travez]

He was ok on 7 day sunday as well.

bloody hell, totally forgot about that! Used to listen every week

Yeah, I liked him on that. I thought 'Ape that got lucky' was good too, and his sitcom 'lab rats' was definitely above par. Without his co-writer I think he faltered quite a bit though ie- straight stand-up sets.


edit- for clarity's sake, I'm referring to Chris Addison here. From out of Ollie In The Thick Of It