Topic: Britain's Worst Standups

[chveik]

the guy who played Ollie in The Thick of It. dunno if he has a name. he was good as Ollie in The Thick of It though.

[Sebastian Cobb]

the guy who played Ollie in The Thick of It. dunno if he has a name. he was good as Ollie in The Thick of It though.

He was ok on 7 day sunday as well.

[St_Eddie]

Me, when I'm drunk.

[Dusty Substance]

Kate Smurthwaite is one of the worst I've seen. Her political material makes The Mash Report seem edgy.

[icehaven]

The trailers for The Standup Sketch Show are giving me diabetes already.

[hummingofevil]

the guy who played Ollie in The Thick of It. dunno if he has a name. he was good as Ollie in The Thick of It though.

Yes. Chris something. I was struggling with this thread as don’t want to be rude about shit comedians who try their best with a bit of charm but when I saw him he was a deeply unfunny prick who clearly thought he was the shit and started his set with a routine about how you can determine how chavvy an area is by the density of trampolines in gardens on Google maps (or from his helicopter or whatever).

Edit: Addison
He’s always banging on about People’s Vote on Twitter which is one of few things that makes me lean towards Brexit.

[thenoise]

The Channel Five one (I know of no other)?  Yes.

Definitely agree with that.  Remember that scene where he was writing different topical things on a flipchart, then talking about 'intermingling' the concepts, to see what came up, in terms of inspiration for comedy?   It seemed like the approach of a business strategist or academic.  Born in a different background, he could have been successful in another field, I think.

Chubby Brown is a 'grafter', to be fair to him, and he writes an entirely new standup set every year when his core audience of rough pissed middle-aged men would quite happily watch him repeat the same jokes year in year out.  With an encore of 'Who the fuck is Alice'.

Being hard working is often mistaken for intelligence, but he can't be that thick I suppose, as he has managed to carve out a lucrative career doing what he loves (which is more than I have).

[thenoise]

Anyway, nominate Prince Abdi (of ITV's 'Show me the Funny' fame).  An absolutely fascinating lack of comedic talent - he seems to have an actual career in comedy, too.

https://www.standupcomedynights.co.uk/comedians/muslim-comedians/prince-abdi/

He's improved since 2009, barely.

[MattD]

Basically a Mock The Week thread this isn’t it?

[j_u_d_a_s]

Russell Brand
Pissweak material delivered with more confidence than God. Never really gotten over the vengeful slut-shaming an ex fling who did a kiss and tell to the papers at the end of his first DVD.

Joe Lycett
Repeat what I said about Brand and add 'intensely unlikable to boot'. Remember catching him in his early days reading out "funny" Amazon reviews (that were probably meant to be funny in the first place). Saw his BBC thing where he did a funny routine about bothering some overworked council assistant because he parked like a cunt. Whole thing just had an air of superior "needless to say, I had the last laugh" about it, fuck off!.

Andy Zaltzman
Perfunctory satire that's as sharp as a cardboard box in a swimming pool delivered in a chuckling self satisfied monotone. As threatening to the establishment as a cup of tea and some biscuits.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Russell Howard could impersonate a relative and do lukewarm satire. That's twice as many things!

And be crude and do stupid voices.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Chubby Brown is a 'grafter', to be fair to him, and he writes an entirely new standup set every year when his core audience of rough pissed middle-aged men would quite happily watch him repeat the same jokes year in year out.  With an encore of 'Who the fuck is Alice'.

Being hard working is often mistaken for intelligence, but he can't be that thick I suppose, as he has managed to carve out a lucrative career doing what he loves (which is more than I have).

Grafter or not, he's another one who is definitely not a natural comedian(and he doesn't strike me as particularly intelligent, either. Most bigots tend to be a bit dim, don't they?) I hate-watched about ten minutes of his set a while back on YouTube, in which he hilariously had a go at those pesky asylum seekers. Entirely witless and craftless stuff, the main point of his material was just to say that he really wasn't keen on asylum seekers, as he was sure his audience would agree, and that they should jolly well go back to their own countries.These sentiments took precedence over any kind of well-crafted bon mot. Bernard Manning without the charm, if you can imagine such a concept. The approving comments I read under the video rank amongst the most depressing things I've ever read in my life.

[St_Eddie]

Me, when I'm drunk.

Because I stumble when I'm drunk and try to stand up, see.



_{The best jokes are the ones which you have to explain.}

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Snall Man Big Horse !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!odin

_{only joking, readers !}

[St_Eddie]

Snall Man Big Horse !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!odin

_{only joking, readers !}

You go careful there now, my love.

[Phil_A]

Can anyone remember the name of the aspiring character comidienne from youtube who had lots of clips of herself completely dying on stage? Claire something? One of her characters had a really big hairy minge, and that was the joke.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Snall Man Big Horse !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!odin

_{only joking, readers !}

Ah, that bastard Small Man Big Horse tribute act, you're not wrong, I always did hate Snall.

Can anyone remember the name of the aspiring character comidienne from youtube who had lots of clips of herself completely dying on stage? Claire something? One of her characters had a really big hairy minge, and that was the joke.

Clare Harrison, though she's now known as Clare Harrison McCartney as she married Paul McCartney.

[paruses]

He's not intelligent in the slightest, he's a monumentally stupid cunt. Have you watched that documentary about him?

Anyway, these threads are pointless.

Sorry if it's already been asked - not read the whole thread yet - what's the documentary? I have a (morbid) fascination with these sorts of people and love those kind of documentaries.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Sorry if it's already been asked - not read the whole thread yet - what's the documentary? I have a (morbid) fascination with these sorts of people and love those kind of documentaries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRfaI1Od0GI

[Phoenix Lazarus]

he doesn't strike me as particularly intelligent, either. Most bigots tend to be a bit dim, don't they?) .

I think rather than being a sincere bigot, he's bright enough to identify his target audience's prejudices and create material that panders to it that has at least the appearance of a basic form of wit.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Ah, that bastard Small Man Big Horse tribute act, you're not wrong, I always did hate Snall.

Bah! Foiled again! I'm such a stupid cumt !
I suppose a Small Man Big Horse tribute act, a la Les Lard, would be called Massively Unfunny Arsehole Little Feller, Sizeable Donkey, summat like that.

[Petey Pate]

I think rather than being a sincere bigot, he's bright enough to identify his target audience's prejudices and create material that panders to it that has at least the appearance of a basic form of wit.

Been a while since I watched it, but in the documentary his genuine rejection to a tabloid front page about asylum seekers is 'fuck off they come over here dressed like post boxes, etc.' There's also a bit where he goes on about how he couldn't stop staring at the first black person he saw in real life. I find it hard to believe he's pandering to bigots rather than being a genuine bigot.

One odd thing about his recent gigs is that he apparently performs joke-free piano recitals.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Bah! Foiled again! I'm such a stupid cumt !
I suppose a Small Man Big Horse tribute act, a la Les Lard, would be called Massively Unfunny Arsehole Little Feller, Sizeable Donkey, summat like that.

Tiny Guy, Enormous Stallion was the other tribute act on the circuit though bizarrely he was much better than I was. I was pretty shit in the first year or so too, most of the time when I came off stage friends would say things like "You're really confident" or "Well done for having the balls to get on stage" rather than anything approaching the word "funny". I did get vaguely okay in the final year, but there was no chance I was ever going to make it even to the "getting paid £20 for a 20 minute set" place. And yet I do plan on going back on the open mic circuit at some point, as I am an evil man / horse.

[thenoise]

Chubbs can never be considered the worst in a nation that has produced Jim Davidson. The same dreadful views, but lazy half remembered pub gags retold with abominable racist accents, the same shit every tour with minor variations and no funny song about living next door to Alice, which I loved when I was 11.  And he sold out and became a family friendly light entertainer soon as he got the chance.

And he's an actual wife beater.

[Chollis]

Joe Lycett
Repeat what I said about Brand and add 'intensely unlikable to boot'. Remember catching him in his early days reading out "funny" Amazon reviews (that were probably meant to be funny in the first place). Saw his BBC thing where he did a funny routine about bothering some overworked council assistant because he parked like a cunt. Whole thing just had an air of superior "needless to say, I had the last laugh" about it, fuck off!.

Came in to say this. Keep seeing his trailer on Comedy Central and I'm just baffled as to how this guy has got a special on a mainstream channel. Life's not fair.

Also, Sarah Millican.

[St_Eddie]

Clare Harrison, though she's now known as Clare Harrison McCartney as she married Paul McCartney.

I'm subscribed to her channel on YouTube.  I admire her tenacity in the face of being utterly talentless. 

[icehaven]

Kate Smurthwaite is one of the worst I've seen. Her political material makes The Mash Report seem edgy.

I'd never heard of her until she was on Couples Come Dine With Me with her boyfriend/lackey, and she bored the other contestants to tears going on about her glittering career as a standup and commentator which he apparently manages (i.e. takes her phonecalls and does all the cooking.) She even had the brassneck to suggest to the other contestants that they might recognise her (one gallantly said he thought he might but the others cheerfully shook their heads.)
Anyway as their entertainment her and Smithers performed this excruciating ''comedy'' dance dressed as ancient Egyptians, which she proudly declared they'd performed at the Edinburgh festival, and which made the other contestants look as if they'd welcome a swift death. It takes a shocking lack of self-awareness to tell a bunch of strangers you're a comedian, knowing full well the expectations that'll set up, then go on to perform something so completely unfunny. And when the whole thing's being televised. If memory serves she was really superior generally, and particularly about one of the other couples, condescending to admit she was 'pleasantly surprised' that they weren't as awful as she'd decided they must be having judged them entirely by their fake tan and makeup. None of the other contestants seemed to like her much, including her boyfriend. 

[checkoutgirl]

Jesus.

He was a good standup!!

[checkoutgirl]

You admit you are probably missing out on Kitson's comedy due to your intolerance, so how can you nominate him as one of Britain's Worst Standups?

STOP GETTING THREADS WRONG

I just threw it in there for extra value. People get threads wrong all the time. Believe me I know.

[Replies From View]

That judgment rationale is not rigorous enough. Although it's very hard to get over your hatred of someone and judge the material alone. But I'll do it now. I pretty much despise Jimmy Carr, I just can't help but hate him. I even walked out of a gig of his half way through (ticket was a gift). But in the cold light of day his material is probably pretty good.

How shit a comedian is goes beyond the material though.  I hate Jimmy Carr's material, especially the endless stream of irrelevant one-liners, but I also hate his performance persona - whatever you'd call it - and his shit swirl-of-nougat-with-grit-for-eyes face.

It all counts.