Imagine being Matthew Horne now

[Noodle Lizard]

Good God.

[Noodle Lizard]

"On 20 December 2018 Horne was struck by a train as he was crossing the railway line near to his parents home in Burton Joyce, Nottinghamshire."

[thenoise]

"...Horne was said not to have been injured."

He is tougher than he looks.  or was it a toy train?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I wonder if he still does the top button up on his shirts like a mentaloid.

[thenoise]

Corden is also desperately unfunny, but he had the decency to have a mental breakdown after Horne and Corden's critical slating, and has publicly apologised for the presumably dreadful film 'Lesbian Vampire Killers' (did anyone take one for the team and sit through it?) It opens up the possibility that one day he will do the decent thing and apologise for everything he has done subsequently (and, indeed, in the future).

[touchingcloth]

I was one of the lesbian vampires.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Corden is also desperately unfunny, but he had the decency to have a mental breakdown after Horne and Corden's critical slating, and has publicly apologised for the presumably dreadful film 'Lesbian Vampire Killers' (did anyone take one for the team and sit through it?) It opens up the possibility that one day he will do the decent thing and apologise for everything he has done subsequently (and, indeed, in the future).

Yeah but on the other hand Horne has sort of fucked off.

[thenoise]

I was one of the lesbian vampires.

I think you had better apologise too.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The song "Horny", gets much, much less horny when you replace every instance of Horny in the lyrics to Horne

[Noodle Lizard]

The more I study, the bleaker it gets:  https://www.digitalspy.com/tv/a152516/danny-dyer-mat-horne-is-a-rubbish-actor/

[touchingcloth]

The song "Horny", gets much, much less horny when you replace every instance of Horny in the lyrics to Horne

I find "horny" quite an unhorny word, so it actually makes it more horny. Not horny in absolute terms, just more than the original.

Imagine if Alex Horne sang it, ho ho.

[Cerys]

'Horny' was his nickname in school, so there's that.

[Replies From View]

Hardon Gordon, I called him.  He was basically Kevin Bishop, as far as I could tell.

His double act partner is named Gorging Corden and if you look closely you can see why (he is a fat fuck).


Separately:  shite
Together:  shite

[St_Eddie]

Do you mind if I don't?

[A Hat Like That]

Corden is also desperately unfunny, but he had the decency to have a mental breakdown after Horne and Corden's critical slating, and has publicly apologised for the presumably dreadful film 'Lesbian Vampire Killers' (did anyone take one for the team and sit through it?) It opens up the possibility that one day he will do the decent thing and apologise for everything he has done subsequently (and, indeed, in the future).

Yes.

Paul McGann must have been skint that week.

[Alberon]

I was at a Rob Brydon gig shortly after Lesbian Vampire Killers was released. Corden showed up as an unannounced guest and answered a few questions about the then upcoming Gavin and Stacey series.

But what I most remember is that shortly after he arrived on stage Rob asked him if he'd seen any good films lately causing Corden to wince, laugh and call Brydon a bastard.

[timebug]

A friend was watching the utterly dire TV version of 'Agatha Raisin' t'other day when I called round,
and Matthew Horne is in that apparently.Playing a bewildered gay bloke who is a friend of the title
character. I saw a few minutes and the entire production looked piss poor and hastily thrown together.

[Paul Calf]

Burton Joyce? Posh cunt.

[confettiinmyhair]

Horne reminds me a great deal of a vanilla version of Martin Freeman. Even in this current pit of his career Freeman can still land lucrative Vodafone adverts.

[phantom_power]

On the advice of this thread I imagined being Matthew Horne and am now in hospital with severe head injuries. Thanks Noodle Lizard

[Alberon]

Shouldn't have tried to headbutt a train.

Remember, Matthew Horne is indestructible. You are not.

[Replies From View]

Do you mind if I don't?

Yes we mind; you have to do it.

[Small Man Big Horse]

He's just been cast in the Dad's Army The Lost Episodes sort of remake, so it'll be interesting if the curse strikes that lot as well. Given that Kevin Eldon's also in the cast I am naturally terrified that it will.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Horne reminds me a great deal of a vanilla version of Martin Freeman. Even in this current pit of his career Freeman can still land lucrative Vodafone adverts.

And here they both are doing their thing.

Is Freeman in a pit? He was in Black Panther last year shooting down spaceships.

[St_Eddie]

Yes we mind; you have to do it.

Shan't.

[Brundle-Fly]

He's just been cast in the Dad's Army The Lost Episodes sort of remake, so it'll be interesting if the curse strikes that lot as well. Given that Kevin Eldon's also in the cast I am naturally terrified that it will.

What curse?

[Jerzy Bondov]

What curse?

The Dad's Army curse! Many of the actors from Dad's Army have died. A very similar curse has sadly claimed the lives of the entire cast of the original performance of The Tempest, and indeed everyone who saw it.

[Cuellar]

Shan't.

Oh no? Look again - you're imagining it right now!

[Nowhere Man]

The Dad's Army curse! Many of the actors from Dad's Army have died.

The only reason Pike's still alive is because he didn't tell the grim reaper his name

[Brundle-Fly]

The only reason Pike's still alive is because he didn't tell the grim reaper his name

And Frank Williams who played the vicar, Timothy Farthing. Telling?