Author Topic: Simon Cowell's new face  (Read 21730 times)

Nowhere Man

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Simon Cowell's new face
« on: January 19, 2019, 12:31:51 PM »
fucking hell lads



Butchers Blind

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2019, 12:33:09 PM »
Is this one of Dec and Ant's undercover funnies?

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2019, 12:33:30 PM »
The McGann brothers have let themselves go.

Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2019, 12:35:50 PM »
The other day I remembered a Viz strip called Jeremy Spake's Fucking Face - it was along the lines of Woodlouse School, that type of thing. I can't even remember who Jeremy Spake was - some sort of minor flash in the pan TV celeb I think.

"The day is saved - all thanks to Jeremy Spake's fucking face"

Was it real?

Mister Six

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2019, 12:38:17 PM »
fucking hell lads




Has he had an eye reduction, or just had everything else enlarged?

Nowhere Man

  • I seek the buildings blazing with moonlight
Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2019, 12:39:54 PM »

Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2019, 12:41:04 PM »


A man trapped in a face

You can almost hear his muffled cry "quick get help, i'm stuck in here and my eyeballs no longer work"

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2019, 12:46:58 PM »


I love how the comedian Brian Limond is only familiar - albeit vaguely and, presumably, confusingly - to most of Britain's population via comments like that.

I'm also convinced that at least some of the tabloid subs/journos who quote his "surprisingly down to earth, and VERY funny" meme are in on the gag.

the

Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2019, 12:51:45 PM »
The other day I remembered a Viz strip called Jeremy Spake's Fucking Face - it was along the lines of Woodlouse School, that type of thing. I can't even remember who Jeremy Spake was - some sort of minor flash in the pan TV celeb I think.

"The day is saved - all thanks to Jeremy Spake's fucking face"

Was it real?

Yeh, the strip was a Davey Jones one called Terror On Wasp Planet (Viz issue 104, November 2000).

Jeremy Spake was the 'star' of late 90s BBC docusoap The Airport. About an airport. Not to be confused with late 90s ITV docusoap Airline. About an airline.

biggytitbo

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2019, 12:54:25 PM »
He looks like a novelty cushion of his own face.

Butchers Blind

  • Toffee Crisp wrapper as a johnny
Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #10 on: January 19, 2019, 01:02:47 PM »


One other thing, why is that woman on the far right wearing three pairs of trousers?

Pingers

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2019, 01:07:38 PM »
Don't eat wasps, kids.

Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2019, 01:09:38 PM »
fucking hell lads




I genuinely made an involuntary noise of horror when I saw that, a sort of Hank Hill-esque "BWAAAAH!"

Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #13 on: January 19, 2019, 01:15:18 PM »
fucking hell lads



Quote
The Silhouette Soft Lift procedure involves sewing bioplastic-infused thread into the face and neck and tugging it to get rid of sagging skin.

Speaking in May he said: “There’s lots of things you can do now. You don’t just have to stuff your face with filler and Botox.

“It hurts like hell but it gets rid of sun damage and unplugs all the crap. For me now, it’s all about having clean skin. If you have clean skin, you look better. But you have to be very careful with some of this stuff.”

Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #14 on: January 19, 2019, 01:20:18 PM »
He looks like a novelty cushion of his own face.

He looks like a cushion that simulates rectal gas.

Noddy Tomkey

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #15 on: January 19, 2019, 01:24:26 PM »
He looks like my mate Sean.

Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #16 on: January 19, 2019, 01:28:23 PM »
So does it move at all or is it just stuck like that

chocky909

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #17 on: January 19, 2019, 01:37:59 PM »
I love how the comedian Brian Limond is only familiar - albeit vaguely and, presumably, confusingly - to most of Britain's population via comments like that.

I'm also convinced that at least some of the tabloid subs/journos who quote his "surprisingly down to earth, and VERY funny" meme are in on the gag.

Or as I assumed these are mockup screencaps made by Limmy himself.

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #18 on: January 19, 2019, 01:39:42 PM »

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

  • a hopeless vanity... a stupefyingly futile conceit
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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #19 on: January 19, 2019, 01:53:16 PM »
Or as I assumed these are mockup screencaps made by Limmy himself.

No, they're always genuine. I'm not posting a link to the Sun, but you can easily find proof for yourself should you so wish. His joke tributes to dead celebrities are often quoted in the Express too (which is what gives me, admittedly meaningless, hope that someone who works on that paper is a fan).

Alberon

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #20 on: January 19, 2019, 01:56:19 PM »
fucking hell lads




That's deep into Uncanny Valley territory.

mothman

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #21 on: January 19, 2019, 02:00:42 PM »
Since the original Lazy Town actor died, I guess they had to find somebody to replace Robbie Rotten.

græskar

  • I want to dance, can you help me
Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #22 on: January 19, 2019, 02:08:08 PM »
Looks very very nearly human. Amazing what they can do these days

batwings

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #23 on: January 19, 2019, 02:20:05 PM »
It’s a form of Labiaplasty, when you think about it.

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #24 on: January 19, 2019, 02:23:18 PM »
Imagine having done such terrible things that you couldn’t bear to look yourself in the face anymore.


Brundle-Fly

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #25 on: January 19, 2019, 02:28:07 PM »

Doomy Dwyer

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #26 on: January 19, 2019, 02:36:16 PM »
I can understand the pressure on models / actors / singers to do this to themselves as they vainly attempt to cling on to their youth and their beauty because that’s 99% of their appeal. But Simon was never a noted looker was he? Although I’d be willing to place a bet that he’s clung on to plenty of youth in his time. His strength lay more in the fact that he was a square headed dead eyed soul vampire who was exceedingly happy to milk the Great British public's insatiable appetite for karaoke, melisma and bland cunts and their ball achingly tedious emotional journeys. For all his faults, you wouldn’t get Louis Walsh fucking his face up like this. In fact, the only face fucking Louis Walsh has been party to that we know of unequivocally is Ronan Keatings.

Also, it says something about the sheer fucking vacuity and artifice of vapid, lowest common denominator show business that the only moderately human looking one in that line up of polished turds above is the dipsomaniac.  Not that that’ll help him when the great day comes. 

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #27 on: January 19, 2019, 02:48:40 PM »
Looks to me like he's tried to be a Rob Delaney tribute act but it's gone horribly wrong.


Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #28 on: January 19, 2019, 02:50:50 PM »
Yeh, the strip was a Davey Jones one called Terror On Wasp Planet (Viz issue 104, November 2000).

Jeremy Spake was the 'star' of late 90s BBC docusoap The Airport. About an airport. Not to be confused with late 90s ITV docusoap Airline. About an airline.

Thanks very much.

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: Simon Cowell's new face
« Reply #29 on: January 19, 2019, 02:52:51 PM »
The Day Today horse names