Ever been singled out by a stand-up?

[Jockice]

A mate of mine told me last night it happened to him recently when he set up a works night out to a comedy club. Now they work in advertising so when the comic asked what they all did you can just imagine his eyes lighting up. It was like all his dreams had come true at once. He apparently especially picked on my pal after finding out he was the boss to the extent that he went home at the break unable to take any more. Now *******  is quite a tough cookie, used to giving presentations in front of large rooms of people, so it must have really got to him.

I've always had a fear of that sort of thing happening to me, mainly because of my hair colour (although of course as everyone knows, there is only one 'joke' on that subject (Oi ginger, you've got ginger hair, you ginger-haired gingernut. With ginger hair!) and then they realise I'm Scottish. And then they ask me up on stage and realise I can't make it unaccompanied...

It's never happened though, mainly because if I ever go and see a comedy thing I stay as far back as possible. Although I did once go to the Bottom stage show and ended up in the very middle of the front row. And at the same venue there was my cocking up a Ben Elton interview anecdote. And the Wee Burney and Gash suddenly appearing next to where I was sitting with my parents at the Rab C Nesbitt show bit. All stories I've told before on here.

So has it ever happened to you? And if you do stand-up what do you look for in a victim?

[NoSleep]

Now they work in advertising so when the comic asked what they all did you can just imagine his eyes lighting up. It was like all his dreams had come true at once.

Bill Hicks tribute act?

[Jockice]

Bill Hicks tribute act?

Yes. If only for that night. I really wish I'd been there. At a table near the back.

[Brundle-Fly]

Geordie stand up, Mickey Hutton at The Comedy Store in 1988. He singled me out and asked what my t-shirt meant .It was a Laibach t-shirt.  I informed him that Laibach were a band. He responded sracastically with, "Well, they're like soaring up the charts, mon!" and everybody laughed because I wasn't wearing a t-shirt with a more popular band on it. He then burst into a comedy blues number on his guitar. 

[PaulTMA]

Michael Redmond, because I walked in off the street into his set in a small bar, with the door being slight to the right of the non-stage he was using, so I couldn't help but draw attention to myself. Asides from some gentle ribbing, he (for some reason) asked if I was of Irish heritage and I was able to talk respond coherently about Co. Mayo and other things for a bit, without turning into a stammering belmpot, so overall it wasn't an unpleasant experience.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Yes, on three occasions, but the first two arose from concern rather than a desire to take the piss.

I watched Chris Addison die a death in a small room with no air conditioning at the Fringe several years ago. I felt so embarrassed for him, I started to sweat and blush. In all sincerity, he asked me if I was alright. I just grunted and silently prayed for the ordeal to be over.

The same thing happened a year later during a similarly disastrous Paul Foot gig (except on that occasion, Paul Foot asked me if I was feeling okay - to the best of my knowledge, Chris Addison doesn't roam the Fringe checking up on the well-being of embarrassed punters).

I think that was also the year when Daniel Kitson made an entire audience laugh at my expense. I had to go for a piss during his set, and the only way out of the room was via a door right next to the stage. I held on as long as I could, but eventually decided that I wasn't prepared to literally piss myself during a Kitson gig. So, with a very heavy heart and bladder, out I went. As I closed the door behind me, I heard the mic drop. Laughter from the audience. Kitson, looking genuinely quite concerned, opened the door and asked me if I was okay (a recurring theme). I explained that I had to go the toilet, but would be back momentarily. I didn't really want to return, I was already so embarrassed, but figured that the worst was over.

Of course, when I tried to open the door to get back in, he was holding the handle tightly on the other side. Gales of laughter from the audience. "Fuck this," I thought, and turned on my heels. Then Kitson's hairy face popped through the door and, with a kindly smile, he said "In you come, fella, I was only messing."

Reader, how could I resist? I walked in, Kitson patted me on the shoulder, the audience laughed and the show carried on. As I settled into my seat, my humiliation vanished and I actually felt quite pleased to have briefly been part of a minor piece of unscripted comedy. That, I guess, is how to make fun of an audience member without making them feel like a tiny crumb of cheese.

That post was longer than intended.

[bigfatheart]

Twice. A few years ago I was at a show compered by Holly Walsh and got picked out. I'm a pretty shy and awkward type, but also quite tall and broad-shouldered, so I can come across as stern and intimidating when I'm actually terrified. To make things worse, a week or so earlier I'd been visiting my Mum when the selfsame Holly Walsh had been on the telly, and my Mum had gone on at length about how she couldn't stand her, how she could (and I'm quoting here) 'hit her repeatedly and never tire of it'. Naturally this was all I could think of and I completely clammed up. She used me as a springboard for some material about tattoos (because a tattoo on my arm was visible) and then said something about me being scary and moved on.

A few years later a friend of mine took a stand-up course, and I went to her end-of-course show. The teacher/compere's set consisted entirely of crowdwork, and since it wasn't exactly rammed, most of us got a turn. He asked where I'd come from - Derby - and since it was in Leicester he did a few old standards about sheep-shagging and all that, before moving on to describing a group of young blokes as looking like a shit boy band or some such. Incidentally, also in the crowd were a vicar and a man who claimed to have once edited Northampton's most successful Communist newsletter, and yet he made absolutely no comedic hay of either of these.

[Brundle-Fly]

Years ago, I got picked out by a young bolshie comic asking what I did for a living. I lied saying in a flat voice that I was a comedy talent scout for Avalon. It got a big laugh. (you had to be there... etc) .He paused and said sheepishly "Okaaaay, moving on..." and he got a nice laugh too. Left me alone after that.   He either thought I was genuinely a talent scout or just thought I was a wiseguy that should best be avoided. The sort of audience member volunteer that Derren Brown politely turns down. 

[Alberon]

Three times. Once by Al Murray between scenes of his Sky sitcom. Probably doesn't count much as he was basically ribbing the whole audience as usual. Once by Frank Skinner, fairly recently. Though that was him just needing someone grey haired to briefly move on part of his act.

The best one was a warmup show by Cluub Zarathustra up at the Battersea Arts Centre (probably twenty years ago. Christ!). Simon Munnery did the monkey and the banana routine on me. Plus I got hauled briefly on stage for some fart measuring sketch.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Three times. Once by Al Murray between scenes of his Sky sitcom. Probably doesn't count much as he was basically ribbing the whole audience as usual.

Al Murray is a master of benignly inclusive crowd interaction. I remember once feeling quite disappointed when, during a rip-roaring 90 minute show, he didn't single me or my then girlfriend out (we were sitting in the third row during one of his pre-mega-fame performances in the relatively small Pleasance Bar). Normally I'd be absolutely mortified by that sort of thing, but Murray isn't a fearsome character at all.

Johnny Vegas is a different kettle of fish. During that same Fringe - this was during his full-on, drunken, topless "pure Johnny" anarchy phase - he'd got hold of the press guest-list and repeatedly screamed the names of the journalists in attendance (my then girlfriend being one of them). He marauded through the crowd in search of these "cowards" as we sank into our seats. A genuinely frightening experience for a pair of shy freelance hacks in their mid-twenties.

Anyway, he didn't find her and she gave him a good review. Great anecdote, cheers.

[Small Man Big Horse]

It's happened to me loads of times, I genuinely couldn't guess how many. The worst one was when I went to a comedy night in a wheelchair and my leg in a full length cast, it was the first time I'd been out in two months since the breakage and had been really looking forward to it, but every act saw me the moment they came on stage and their eyes lit up. I'd been expecting it a certain amount and have to confess to enjoying the attention initially but when the fifth act came out and did the same as all the others (proving that none of them had paid any attention to each other's sets) I was getting a bit sick of it and wanted them to do their acts instead.

And here's yet another repost of the Frank Skinner incident:

At the time I was using a crutch after a nasty leg break, Frank spotted this and there was a bit of (light hearted) "banter". Later on in the show he wanted two people to take part in a quiz, and so chose me and another lady with a crutch. The questions were all pop culture based, and pretty easy, though due to my lack of knowledge about Susan Boyle's dog I failed to get them all right, and when asked what Michael Jackson's last tour was due to be called, my mind went blank. Frank then asked me if I liked Michael Jackson, and I replied "No, I'm not a big fan of paedophiles". And that's when the booing started. And got louder. And louder. Okay, about 20 to 30 people may have laughed (and were just about audible from the stage), but the other 980 or so? It's pretty safe to say they weren't impressed. I've got to confess to being a little surprised by their reaction too, most people I know have pretty dubious feelings towards Jackson, and I stand by my views on him as well having researched it all a fair amount. Whatever the case, fortunately Frank found my comment funny, and riffed upon the idea of people "being a big fan of paedophiles" for a little while. I went on to lose the quiz (and the big prize of a copy of Frank's book and a tenner!) but to this day I have to admit that it's my fondest memory of my trip to the Fringe, because it's sadly likely I'll never be booed by that many people again.

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

I have to admit that it's my fondest memory of my trip to the Fringe, because it's sadly likely I'll never be booed by that many people again.

Sounds strangely liberating!

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

Only time it's happened to me was when I was singled out by the warm up/stand up* guy at a tv recording. I'm not into that sort of thing at all and felt really embarrassed, but you have to answer them politely or you just look like a humourless dick.

I'm sure it's like this at any tv recording but i was one of about 5-6 people in the audience that become a bit of a running gag for the evening so whenever there was a bit of time between takes I could tell the guy would come back to me soon enough.

There are worse things that can happen to a man obviously but it killed the evening for me, to be honest. i just wanted to sit and watch a programme being made and I don't even remember anything about the episode because I was bizarrely anxious about what would happen during the next break. Silly really.

*stand up for your rights

[big egg]

Raymond Mearns took the piss out of me for most of his set at the Stand in Glasgow when I was a student, for looking like a student. Crowd lapped it up and I felt a bit shit. This was about 12 years ago. Didn't think he was a particularly great comedian anyway but its funny how something like that can really turn you against the person. And it does pretty much ruin the night in terms of how you feel coming away from the gig. Why Mearns why?

[checkoutgirl]

some fart measuring sketch

[bgmnts]

Are you expecting us to feel sympathy for some cunt in advertising?

Jog on.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Anyone who felt a bit cheesed-off at a comic singling them out should watch this....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZ8K0UpHEec


Then, this....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdDxVZkytxI


....then just put you and the comedian in the character's places, and you'll be fine.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Not really a stand-up, but many, many years ago Sooty gestured to me to join him, Sweep and Soo on stage at the Grand Theatre. I was too shy and wouldn't do it so some other lucky boys and girls were picked instead. Probably had a lucky escape.

(28 etc...)

[Jockice]

Are you expecting us to feel sympathy for some cunt in advertising?

Jog on.

But I've known him since we were 11. Long before he sold his soul to Satan.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Sounds strangely liberating!

Oddly enough it was! I don't know why but irritating that many people is one of my proudest moments.

When I get picked on I tend to agree with the comedian in general, so if they're being rude a simple "Yeah, you're right, I have considered suicide to be honest" is normally enough to get them to move on. The only time I've genuinely been insulted by someone was when a comedian was talking about UKGold and pointed at me and said "This guy's probably the only one who knows the channel". I mean okay, I was the oldest person in the audience that night and I did know what it was, but I never watch it now that it's mostly repeats of Only Fools And Horses, Last of the Summer Wine and The Vicar of fucking Dibley.

[iamcoop]

Many years ago me and my girlfriend at the time went to see Stewart Lee at Newbury Corn Exchange. I was living in Reading at the time and trains back tended to finish fairly early on weeknights. Being a pretty skint student I didn't want to risk having to pay for a cab back so about three quarters of the way through the set I foolishly remembered I hadn't checked the times for the last train back in all the excitement of being on a date and finally seeing Stu live. I gingerly took my phone out of my pocket to try and check the train timetable as discreetly as possible which it turns out must have not been very discreetly at all as Stu immediately halted his set to launch into a scathing diatribe at me, accusing me of trying to film him to put the footage on YouTube. This went on for what seemed like hours, although it was probably more like 30 seconds. I was absolutely mortified, mainly as it definitely wasn't done in a joshing manner and felt extremely pointed, which I would completely understand if I was actually trying to film him. I laugh about it now but at the time I found it quite an unpleasant experience. Still, the gig was otherwise excellent and my date saw the funny side. Still missed the train and had to pay for a cab though.

[non capisco]

Not really a stand-up, but many, many years ago Sooty gestured to me to join him, Sweep and Soo on stage at the Grand Theatre. I was too shy and wouldn't do it so some other lucky boys and girls were picked instead. Probably had a lucky escape.

I did go on stage with Sooty and his pals at the Orchard Theatre, Dartford, 1985. Sooty (via his hapless human mouthpiece Matthew) commanded that I make a noise like a pig into a microphone. I was only six years old and hadn't yet seen the film 'Deliverance' so I was happy to oblige the bear's curious whims. I'm happy to report that no banjo-soundtracked bum business followed. However the little ursine prick did make out that he was going to squirt Matthew in the face with his water pistol but at the last minute soaked me instead, much to the obvious amusement of Sweep who started vibrating with glee whilst making a noise like an Ornette Coleman solo. I had Soo's sympathies but just because you cluck your tongue after your mates have been cunts doesn't make you any less of an enabler. Matthew failed to sufficiently discipline his dickhead ward, as per fucking usual.

[Pranet]

I hate the thought of a comedian trying to interact with me. Once a support act in a small not very full room basically only did crowd work and it made me so stressed that it affected my enjoyment of the main act.

Though to be honest the few times it has happened it was ok. Like the time at Glastonbury when the compare started speaking to me and I was a bit pissed and chatty and he obviously realised very quickly that he had to move on from me.

[Shit Good Nose]

Bill Bailey, late 90s, Bristol Bierkeller.  It was for his Jean Michel Jarre bit, but my voice was way too high for it.  Can't remember exactly what he said, but I remember it being good natured and very funny.

That's the one and only time, mainly because I've always purposely avoided sitting in the first few rows.

[alan nagsworth]

I'm quite proud of the fact that I got yelled at by Neil Hamburger after heckling him to "tell some fucking jokes". He told me to grow a real beard like my friend next to me, whose facial hair was bushier than my own.

That same night I stole Tim Heidecker's battered up microphone after he'd left the stage and then told him about it on Twitter the next day. He replied saying he was going to contact "the London police" and tagged the venue and outed me as a horrible person. Loved it.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

I did go on stage with Sooty and his pals at the Orchard Theatre, Dartford, 1985. Sooty (via his hapless human mouthpiece Matthew) commanded that I make a noise like a pig into a microphone. I was only six years old and hadn't yet seen the film 'Deliverance' so I was happy to oblige the bear's curious whims. I'm happy to report that no banjo-soundtracked bum business followed. However the little ursine prick did make out that he was going to squirt Matthew in the face with his water pistol but at the last minute soaked me instead, much to the obvious amusement of Sweep who started vibrating with glee whilst making a noise like an Ornette Coleman solo. I had Soo's sympathies but just because you cluck your tongue after your mates have been cunts doesn't make you any less of an enabler. Matthew failed to sufficiently discipline his dickhead ward, as per fucking usual.

Jesus! That sounds like the stuff of nightmares! As I said, I was 28 so I would have been all too aware of any sinister cultural references and of the potential for on-stage violence.

[Icehaven]

I've mentioned it here before but about 2 years ago I was at a sort of cabaret thing which had a few comedians on then a band to finish, my band at the time, which was the only reason I was there as without going into tedious detail I was having a horrible time of it personally and the last place I wanted to be was a bloody amateur standup night in bloody Cradley Heath, but I couldn't let my bandmates down. The second bloke on, who wasn't even too appalling but I don't think the ghost of Peter Cook himself could have made me laugh that night, homed right in on me as I wasn't laughing, and did a whole "what would it take to make you laugh?" bit, which fell on it's arse as I just sort of shrugged and mumbled and was clearly not up for playing along, so he backed off quite quickly but it was still fucking excruciating (for both of us probably.)

[Hymenoptera]

Went to a comedy night to do a little review for a local mag, ended up sat in the front with my socially-awkward boyfriend. Of course we were immediately picked on, and I had to sort of answer for my bashful lad, which caused three-way embarassment. 60 seconds that lasted a lifetime.

Also, not me getting picked on directly, but: I saw Tim Heidecker and Neil Hamburger with my mum, again sat in the front row. My mum got picked on by both of them during their respective sets. She handled it like a champ, absolutely loved it. Tim nearly accidentally brained me with the mic as well. Belter of a night.

[Z]

I feel like Kitson manages to single out every single audience member during each WIP of his I've seen

[a duncandisorderly]

a tv advertising industry christ-mas lunch at whatever the big hotel is on park lane. I don't even know why I was there- didn't have the right clothes or anything, but it was a free lunch.

(I was being entertained as a client of one of the tapeless tv commercial distribution services; Mtv having been the first UK broadcaster to transmit a tv commercial that had never been on a videotape... all files...)

anyway, our table was near the stage, & the pre-lunch entertainment was lee hurst. (so yeah, this is a while ago). he was doing a bit about mobile phones & just then, mine rang.
of course he pounced, & of course I went bright red.

I went on wikipedia just now to see what he's been up to, & it appears I got off lightly....

"Hurst pleaded guilty to criminal damage in February 2009 after an incident on 3 September 2008. He allegedly ran through the crowd at a stand-up comedy show he was performing at the Stoke Pub in Guildford, and snatched a mobile phone from a member of the audience, then took it on stage and hurled it to the floor. Hurst said that he did it out of anger, claiming that footage of his shows appear on websites such as YouTube.
Hurst was fined £60, and ordered to pay compensation of £80 and £87 costs in February 2009."