The Goose That Went the Mile!

[Glebe]

Wull let me tell ye aboot The Goose wa' Went th' Mile! Och, it wa' a cold, hard, day, but it had nay compunction aboot scaling ev'ry rock and shingle it set it's wee webbed foot upon! Stone and crag couldnae stop it, ma boab!

From Auchtermuchty tae John O' Groats, it crossed glen and firth to reach its goal! Nae sheary cliffs nor sleety shales cou' stop it, as it worked its way acrass the Highlands, wi' nought but a few wee crumbs of Dundee cake and a mouldy old haggis in it's sporran!

A could wind blew down from Ben Nevis but it didnae stop, and they say the phantoms of the Unseelie Court wa' howlin' from an' auld castle nearby, but still on trod Oor Goosie! A kindly shepard supplied him with a wee nip frae 'is whisky flask near Fife, but the rains were relentless and the going wa' slow!

Bu' then, fate took a turn f'the better! Wearing naught under the kilt but his swinging tackle (as is the traditional way), he wa' keen to keep his skirts aboot the knee, but a strong gust got up near Dunfermline and blew yon kilt awa' above the waist! Briefly, his bits wa' glimpsed, and a gaggle of wee bonnie lassies gathered in wonder, crying, "Jings, but did ye nae ken that goose's wullie?"

Soon, a crowd ha' gathered to cheer the auld goose on, and b'suppertime, he had reached the hoose of auld Goose McTaggart, regal Laird o' the Glen and helper o' fellow geese! McTaggart provided him with a lovely supper consistin' o' stale scones, laid on the local bagpipers fer a song or two, and almost sent auld Goosie to sleep wi' a rendition o' Rabbie Burns most boring poems, but before morn, the newly-determined goose wa' on it's way!

And hoots mon, what a welcome awaited Goosie that morn! Crowds had gathered from far Glasgow to fair Edinburgh, and miraculously, Ranger and Celtic fan alike mingled together like auld friends! Even a wee burly sassenach frae Sunderland wa' spotted cheerin' him on, and a camera crew frae STV promised he would get a wee mentioned at the end of the local news roundup, if he was lucky!

On and on he went, the wind at his back, 'til wi' a great cheer from yon following fans, the magnificent goose reached the Northeasternmost point of the mainland and took wing for the Shetland Isles! Landing in Lerwick that evening, it wa' toold tae gae hame, as it hadnae landing clearance! Jings!

[a duncandisorderly]

crivens!