Possible lovesickness

[grassbath]

^Wow, that does sound dreadful, I'm really glad you knocked that on the head and have moved on. Was she ever nice to you at all?

[drummersaredeaf]

Oh yeah. When we were together it was electric. I've never felt anything like it before and fear I never will again. She argued that some of the things she was saying was out of kindness. She has a good career and had vague plans to move a year down the line. She said she was managing expectations, but there are ways to do that, and there is timing. You don't tell someone after 6-8 weeks that you should expect it to end, that there is literally zero chance of anything progressing, but that you want the other person to carry on as they have been 'or you risk ruining the time we do have together'. It just seemed utterly selfish and nihilistic to me, but I was loved up and gave it a chance despite the alarm bells saying 'this is someone setting things up in a way to have their cake and eat it without any blame'.

Many, many red flags. Including her seeming to do similar to a long-term boyfriend years ago - she downgraded them to something casual and it seemed to seriously hurt him really very badly.

Edit: Oh, of course in all the arguing at the death I was told 'things change' which was my fucking point all along.

Another edit: I get the feeling that she ended up taking a permanent job locally in the end too.

[paruses]

Thanks man, especially because I've just waded into your thread without a word of advice and made it all about myself. Best of luck leaving that scab unpicked! I know I'm obviously not the best person to listen to on the subject, but I would say: if you know that she's messaged you just because she wants a pick-me-up, you're right to feel angry and messed around. Channel those emotions, they might be useful later.

No worries - wade away - hope you're getting something out of it. Wouldn't wish shit feelings on many people (I would, loads of people) but misery loves company and it helps knowing I'm not on my own.  I hope you're working something out.

I sent a "HI" on Saturday which was met with indifference as she was busy and blew me off. Stung but strengthened my resolves a bit. Am really annoyed at how time works though as it was only Saturday and it fees like I've had to be strong for days but it's only now Tuesday lunchtime.

Spend a lot of time planning how she will see me doing something really cool so that's the next stage in this process. Isn't there a Mary Whitehouse sketch about that and in the end it's Rob Newman wanking in a queue when his ex turns up with her new boyfriend?

[checkoutgirl]

Me too. Although I was having coffee with a friend of mine I hadn't seen in a while, and she was telling me she met this guy on Tinder three months ago, they've got really close, he spends most of his time at her place, he's lovely, very affectionate, etc., but they haven't slept together and she hasn't even seen his dong! And they just sort of don't talk about it, even though she finds this a little strange.

If I were the man in that situation, I don't know how I would negotiate it. Fair enough if he's asexual or he's got weird nuts, but wouldn't you at least feel some need to address it the further enmeshed you get in someone elses' life?

If it was me I'd be drinking at least once a week and that would help with making the sexytime advance, but maybe they don't drink.

I once hung around with a woman colleague and she invited me back to her flat. For some reason she made me sleep on the couch, early days fair enough I thought. But that night she proceeded to fuck the bloke she was living with. I don't know what the fuck her game was but I beat a hasty retreat the next morning and never went near her again. It was an oddly humiliating experience and I can't think what the fuck was going through her head at the time, apart from the guy's cock I suppose. Maybe she was trying to make me jealous or was just fucking with my head. Either way I wasn't having any of it.

People are weird.

[checkoutgirl]

Reading this back it does make me think my regrets say more about my mental health this last 12 months than me making the wrong decision.

Being lonely or in an unhealthy relationship can make you mentally weak and vulnerable and people can take advantage of that. Pulling you in and pushing you away and fucking with you like that. It's horrible but half the time I bet people don't even realise how horrible they are being. They're just imperfect people with their own set of neuroses.

[checkoutgirl]

Spend a lot of time planning how she will see me doing something really cool so that's the next stage in this process.

It looks like you're in the early stages of divesting yourself of this woman. Eventually you won't give a shit what she sees you doing and you'll move on. And if it happens again in the future you'll have this experience to warn you to get away from it.