DESOLATION_V.swf

[Ferris]

An inadvertent garotting with a Stretch Armstrong.

[Ferris]

Against his wife's urging, a cretin remortgages his home to finance a line of George Osborne action figures.

[Ferris]

After the incident, the fun-house mirrors are the only place he seeks solace.

[batwings]

In Chipping Sodbury, a retired solicitor's horizon shrinks down to bungalow size.

Every cloud... A bad prognosis from the oncologist causes Gerry to dust off long-shelved killing spree plans.

[ToneLa]

YOUR WEDDING BREAKFAST'S READY

[BlodwynPig]

YOUR WEDDING BREAKFAST'S READY

My wedding breakfast was much more desolate.

[BlodwynPig]

A misplaced comma sees Horace thrown screaming into the lean pig pit.

Christ.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-47161035

From another story

Ian Smith, who runs the Natural Raised Pork farm near Argyle, Man., says pigs are not normally aggressive animals, but they can be triggered by the taste of blood.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Dizzee Rascal is diagnosed with cardiac syncope.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You go and see Blink 182 now


Wait, that's not all


And their performance of All The Small Things is worse than the school band you saw when you were 16 in 2003

And there is worms coming out of the singer's eeeeaaars.

[Ferris]

You go and see Blink 182 now


Wait, that's not all


And their performance of All The Small Things is worse than the school band you saw when you were 16 in 2003

And there is worms coming out of the singer's eeeeaaars.

You remember that you were in the school band when you were 15/16.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You remember your tutor's hand sliding down your leg. You remember the glint as the moisture on his chin reflected the dappled sunlight.

[BlodwynPig]

At least it was dappled you muse

[Prison Biscuits]

You are trapped forever in a small Lincolnshire village. It's a bit like Under the Dome except instead of an invisible force field there are visible shit smelling manure fields.

When it's time for lunch, you go to the stile. There's a bloke there with only one thumb who will sell you a cheese or onion sandwich and a can, but if he sees you looking at his gimpy hand, the can is withdrawn.

Derd buildings, and derd gardens. Fat pale sun hissing in the mid-afternoon mist like an aspirin.

Theres a black windmill in village, although it hasn't milled any wind for fifty or sixty years. It is derd, like all other things. Crows fly up to it, crackle and fight, and fly away.

[Prison Biscuits]

There are stray gloves all over village. Single gloves on fence railings or in gardens. A child's mitten. An EpiPen.

The "Dog Lost" sign on the phonebox says DO NOT APPROACH JEFFREY. Last seen July 2009. Jeffrey has been gone for 10 years. No other dogs have come to village since the disappearance of Jeffrey.

On your wedding anniversary you watched a feral chicken eat a grass snake off a rusted wing mirror.

[Prison Biscuits]

An old man, as pale as Nicholas Witchell in a police line-up, is locking up the children's play area until further notice. His dead tooth breath engulfs you. His eye marks you, and tips in a slow wink.


A heavily knitted man in the butcher's breaks wind and turns to you and says, "Cop that. Eat that up. Fucking HELL. Did you see it coming out, lad? Have some extra mustard with your gammon."


Hard girls outside Co-Op, babysit for each other when one of them goes out on the cock. The manager comes out to flirt with them and show them the cigarette burn on the back of his left hand. As you pass them, they carbon-date your clothes and laugh like windmill crows.

[Prison Biscuits]

You hear a weeping clamour, rising and dipping, an anguished collective sobbing from the fields. You Shazam it: Shazam says: Sorry, I didn't quite get that! You try again: it comes back with a link to a Photobucket account showing flash photography snaps of forests and lake shores at night, each blemished with a pale blurred figure.


If you die here, in village, you won't even get your name on a bench.

Maybe they will take your photo and put it on the phonebox underneath LOSTDOG JEFFREY.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Lurid, ghastly. Beyond hope.

Love it

[the midnight watch baboon]

Kelly pulls all his browns out and sloshes them around in his yellow. Paula comes in the room and leaks her red. Kelly finishes with his dark whites. Thomas thinks on, thinking when's Pancake Day this year.

[Cloud]

[Hasbro considers rewrite of cult hit My Little Pony series]

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A man with a mind brimming with the details of serial killers favourite songs places a patent on a rank average soup.

[Pingers]

Excellent Lincolnshire reportage from Prison Biscuits there

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

There's a new series on the BBC: World's Greatest Failures

Yep, you feature heavily

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The former Manchester United and Real Madrid midfielder is the first player to receive a statue in MLS history.

It will be unveiled at Dignity Health Sports Park before LA Galaxy's first game of the season against Chicago Fire on 2 March.

[Pingers]

Eamonn has his hand in the compost caddy while watching fist porn

[Berthas Fat Leg]

A ghastly tattoo of all her kids' names on the back of her neck. Well, the five she got aborted, anyway.

[Berthas Fat Leg]

Uncle Susan's doing that thing with his arse again.

[ToneLa]

Grandad can blame the dog for the farts all he wants, but just who is fucking the cat?

[Ferris]

The DJ puts Toploader on at the office Christmas shindig to really get this party started!

[BlodwynPig]

Is Galaxy's stadium sponsored by a legal suicide clinic now?

[BlodwynPig]

The DJ puts Toploader on at the office Christmas shindig to really get this party started!

Toploader: The B-Sides Live and More...