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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

petril

Quote from: Lordofthefiles on August 05, 2019, 10:52:34 PM
You threw a child off of The Tate Modern...

the Wetherspoons piss has still not been stopped

touchingcloth

Keith improvises forceps during the birth of his first child, and then announced his plans for a divorce to his wife for ruining the antique sugar tongs.

Twit 2

You have a dinner party with your mum and dad, your mum is the real one but half way through the wotsits starter you notice your dad's a cloth effigy and he's actually under the floorboards in an olive green gimp suit connected up and smelling his own farts with rebreathing apparatus.

pancreas

DWP official guidance: Cerebral Palsy should be considered a lifestyle choice.

touchingcloth

Danny Goffey gets caught behind a group of people dawdling on an escalator and tries to humourously say "come on, folks, just keep 'mooving'!".

One of the lads punches him square in the nose. He wasn't even born when it charted.

Fishfinger

A hundred eyes watch the Cancer Man from number 53 get ground to pieces in the maw of a bin lorry, wheelchair and all. Not on our street, mate.

touchingcloth

The first group of people to ever sit on the floor and row during Oops Upside Your Head meet for a fortieth reunion.

H-O-W-L

Piss on the floor of a Tesco Metro.

H-O-W-L

A lonely violin underscoring the last fleeting regrets of a middle manager as he hurtles toward the frothing sea, his mind rolling back all those hours of guzzling Famous Grouse and necking codeine, rolling away all the tears and realizing that there might be more to life than this. He's finally glad to be alive.

Right before the splash.

touchingcloth

At the Amnesty International letter writing meeting the smell of sex fills your nostrils, and it's only partly yours.

Rocket Surgery

Logging back in at this time in the morning to acknowledge that Sporty was the fit one.









While vomiting.

Twit 2

Consumed by a septic fever, you become Lord of All Poundlands but a mere two months into your stewardship your store is swept away by a tide of vagrants and you find yourself suffering 'the triple hypostasis on the gibbet of Calvary'.

pancreas

Mother, do please hurry up. You are making us dreadfully late.

No reply.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Twit 2 on August 08, 2019, 05:49:58 PM
Consumed by a septic fever, you become Lord of All Poundlands but a mere two months into your stewardship your store is swept away by a tide of vagrants and you find yourself suffering 'the triple hypostasis on the gibbet of Calvary'.

Laughed

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Twit 2 on August 07, 2019, 12:41:59 AM
You have a dinner party with your mum and dad, your mum is the real one but half way through the wotsits starter you notice your dad's a cloth effigy and he's actually under the floorboards in an olive green gimp suit connected up and smelling his own farts with rebreathing apparatus.

Laughed again

the midnight watch baboon

your beloved children are killed and purposely cooked into the resident sparkles in a unicorn gin cocktail travesty

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: the midnight watch baboon on August 08, 2019, 08:09:55 PM
your beloved children are killed and purposely cooked into the resident sparkles in a unicorn gin cocktail travesty

But harsh I thought his posts were funny

Lordofthefiles

Paul Simon is slightly taller than you.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


H-O-W-L

Suffocated by gale force mound of tea-lights hidden in nan's cupboard under stairs. Body not found until after cat has eaten all fingers.

the midnight watch baboon


Sebastian Cobb

IRL deso:

You know when you're walking on a narrow street next to a puddle spanning the road and hear a car and accept you're going to get wet?

Well that, but it's a lorry towing a bus.

Ferris

This very thing nearly happened to me, but I cunningly waited for the vehicle to go past before moving in front of the puddle

Ferris

My shout for IRL deso from junction 12 of the M1


Shoulders?-Stomach!

That news story today about the bloke sentenced for raping then bludgeoning an 89 year old woman to death was about as bleak as it fucking gets.

Gregory Torso

A palliative care bear beams nanna up to heaven on a ray of nausea and regrets.

dex


touchingcloth

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 09, 2019, 08:45:32 PM
That news story today about the bloke sentenced for raping then bludgeoning an 89 year old woman to death was about as bleak as it fucking gets.

Bleaker when you think about a man masturbating to it. In his jail cell. And he's Tommy Robinson.

buttgammon

A wanker changes his name to The Beatles out of spite.

BlodwynPig

Today from start to finish (refer to appropriate threads)