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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

petril

a grainy public information film warning people not to approach Jimmy Nail is discovered

the midnight watch baboon

Brewdog and SuperDry team up. Pseudo japanese t-shirt flavoured beer hits supermarket shelves and sells quite well.

touchingcloth

You open the letter:

QuoteHey,

Let's get the band back together!

Ian Watkins

Ferris

...and it could be either of them

touchingcloth

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 13, 2019, 06:42:06 PM
...and it could be either of them

Distilled essence of deso.

It's your son's birthday. You unwrap the parcel and read the note:

QuoteHappy second birthday!

I think you'll enjoy this - our first ever single.

Love,
"Uncle" Ian (Watkins)

petril

an Alan Partridge travelodge opens, missing half the obvious gags

Cold Meat Platter

Your microwave Christmas dinner-for-one gives you botulism.

Berthas Fat Leg

She looks like Jim Davidson.

She walks like she's shat herself.

You're not fussy.

Twit 2

On a trip through Eastern Europe to trace your ancestry, a wrinkled and bent Moldovan hands you a small and fragile box belonging to your maternal great-grandfather. Trembling, you sweep aside the dust and it creaks open to reveal faded photographs of a presumed sweetheart and his pained utterances written in tiny meticulous script. As soon as the hag turns away you bin it down a fucking well.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A guttersnipe tends to the gift shop at Chisinau Museum of Menstruation. 8 years now, no sales. Nothing on sale. No museum.


Twit 2

Eking out the piss from your necrotic twanger into a Bridgend urinal to the strains of tinned ABBA.

Fishfinger

Fell asleep on a holiday flight. Now flapping madly in the air. The Atlantic Ocean rushes to greet you. Yes, this really is it.

Fishfinger

The impact is merciless, as is the drowning. Subsequently, so are the crabs. And you didn't even call in sick, increasing the pressure on your co-workers who will have to to cover for your long-term absence. You arsehole.

Fishfinger

An abandoned rapist meets his actual birth mother at a most inopportune moment.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Berthas Fat Leg on August 14, 2019, 12:24:14 PM
She looks like Jim Davidson.

She walks like she's shat herself.

You're not fussy.

She's got... marty feldman eyes.

the midnight watch baboon

THERE'S A GOITER,ON YER DOITER, roars the paediatrician, to Indira's folks, in a Tony & Sopranos accent.

touchingcloth

Debating with yourself whether you should wank before or after your final meal.

Sebastian Cobb


Twit 2

"You've been a sod and a disappointment from the second I cunted you out my worry-hole..."

touchingcloth


Fishfinger

Joe 90 is forced to download your personality and history in order to thwart a terrible wrong. Instead, he just blows his fucking head off. BAM. Clean off. Dead. Done. Fucking mince. Joe 90 that you fuckers. Ain't thwartin' nothin' with that. BOOM. Good show though. Apart from that one. I don't know. Nice tune. BAM though. Fuck me what a dead speccy cunt.

touchingcloth

The remaining members perform a heartfelt tribute as the first Kersal Massive member is lowered into grave.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

If you ever wanted to watch a Leslie Grantham stunt double pub-racist rape a rotund pensioner to death now's your chance live on FreeSports.

pancreas

The victims of Epstein decide they do want him put in the chair—anyway.

dex

Quote from: pancreas on August 17, 2019, 02:35:15 AM
The victims of Epstein decide they do want him put in the chair—anyway.

"Justice!" in Buzz Aldrin drawl...

petril

Alan Parry introduces events in a sombre whisper

PlanktonSideburns

Jodie comer thread (new)

I wish I was raped by Katy Perry,  the balance of old timey sex teasing has been disturbed (new)

Sick of all the screaming women on my street (new)

Lol child sex trafficees are slugs only joking hahaha (new)

PlanktonSideburns

Dwyane Johnson kisses a chicken in a tacky underground temple.

The reanimated penis and brain of Jeff epstein nods benevolently. A gaudy painting of Katy Perry pegging Steven Hawkins looks on helplessly


Lordofthefiles

Rupert Murdoch remembers his real name is "Keith" and promptly loses all respect for himself.

jenna appleseed

Throwing a slug out of your front door at 2 o'clock in the morning.

The abandoned washing machine makes friends with a shopping trolley.