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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

dex

Quote from: BlodwynPig on February 09, 2019, 08:32:21 PM
Toploader: The B-Sides Live and More...

That there is a market for a B-sides and rarities for Toploader is desolation in itself.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Toploader tribute and covers band

Live in Basingstoke

"Dancing In The Moonlight", and more!

Pingers

#152
Tony Blair joins Toploader on bass. "This will win over dem yute", he thinks.

batwings

You are given a diary sarcastically.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

An old lady gets to rent her inherited jewellery back off the pawnbrokers, which leaves just enough money to buy the gas she needs to snuff the life out of nearby mammals.

Pingers

In Ingoldmells, Lincolnshire, 78 year old "Bukkake Beryl" inhales deeply from the open can of mushroom soup clutched in her yellow fingers. She's on 10 cans a day now. "Best smell in the world that, love. Best smell in the world!"

derek stitt

You are left a second hand infants coffin filled with bitten off stray cats tails in a will, on the condition you add to the hoard, you do or don't.

dex


ToneLa

Danger Mouse makes Penfold do arse-to-mouth in the John Kricfalusi reboot

A daft cat shits in a zen garden.

The monks rake circular lines radiating out from the cat poo.

The whole garden ends up covered in cat todd and stinks like shit.

Not very relaxing, I tell you.

the midnight watch baboon

An Elvis impersonator injects a shot of peanut butter bacon jelly directly into his mother's heart

Spoon of Ploff

A selfie stick is used to push a dozing sqirrel off a branch.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A sack of bones, wine gums and psychological collapse gets a bit of his sorrow on the carpet.

batwings

"How may people live in your house?" it asks on the web form. You want to put 0 but lie and say 1 (if you can call it living, you think, but don't put that bit either, you just stare for too long at a smudge on the computer screen, numb.).

the midnight watch baboon

SCREAMING AT THE SUN FOR ZAPPPING THE TV SCREEN WITH A LASER BEAM OF DUST MOTES WHEN COME DINE ME IS ON

Ferris

An STD spreads at an orphanage.

ToneLa

My valentine's dinner is a dog egg. Mmm, muck in my mouth.  Urgh, just been sick, on my my erect cock, which I'm tugging to make go down


A CURATE'S DOG EGG

Bazooka

Kenny, a bomb disposal expert of four decades, discovers a heinous device comprised of C4, WD40 cans and WKD Blue whilst taking a piss in a lay by. The clock is ticking, his experience kicks in, so he quickly checks the internet of what he should do, "This video is not available in your country" is the last thing he sees.

Kenny leaves behind wife Linda, two children and seven grandchildren.

ToneLa

Louis CK adds a new, self-referential element to his act by whipping his lad out and flogging it to completion as the crowd of mainly lads hoot and holler and chant his name. Netflix pay him half a million for a new special.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Mid-conversation and heading into a room used exclusively for giving relatives bad news, Doctor Sharma's first words audible to the shaken Wynne family are "...arse off the cunt."

Pingers


batwings

A blind Falklands veteran loses his white stick down a drain mouth. Kids laugh and upload.

John McCririck's taint shavings float on the surface of the municipal baths while Walking In Memphis plays on a crackling tannoy.


the midnight watch baboon

Shaun is pleased to have decided on a colour theme for his suicide. Rochdale blue it is.

derek stitt

#173
Playing conkers with abortions in the playground

The air of malevolence in the bar when you are aware of the pub bores fact.

A urethra filled with fibre glass

Self immolation brought on by an argument with the council over grass verges

Peter Sutcliffe models for Knitting patterns in woman's weekly.



Sebastian Cobb

A cretin tests whether it's possible to wank onself square and round again.

flotemysost

A pockmarked Albanian man, hunched over an upturned cap containing the grand sum of 37p and a scrunched-up Primark receipt, coaxes the unmistakable strains of Despacito out of a battered accordion that's been passed down through generations in his family. Around him, customers swarm in and out of Morrisons, oblivious.



ToneLa

A burglar does a shit down your chimney

Ferris

Quote from: ToneLa on February 17, 2019, 09:07:23 AM
A burglar does a shit down your chimney

You pay him the usual fee in pound coins. Same again next week, Brian.

petril

a seasoned full back screams at the ref so his booking will be doubled and he'll get next weekend off. can't be arsed with the travel. they're at home again

A clew of worms attacks a confused frog.


Tony attempts to discover the higgs boson using his own particle collider made of an old scaletrix track with eggs strapped to the cars. He blinks really fast when they collide in an attempt to detect the elusive particle.