DESOLATION_V.swf

[dex]

You're in purgatory, Stuart Barnes and Miles Harrison are doing a running commentary about your life and its fucking awful.

[phes]

You go to the citizens advice beureau and it has been sold and turned into a screeching hobo-incinerator

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A customisable rape alarm screams 'Steal My Sunshine' by Len on a loop until either the batteries die or the body is found.

[batwings]

A Coinstar machine rolls its eyes at you.

[petril]

a charity collector half-heartedly shouts "help children get cancer" in the drizzle

[phes]

Samba reggae band Batala dodges pancaked bodies and plays on through 911

[NJ Uncut]

You're at a Travelodge for your stag

[pancreas]

Eurgh, this isn't beer. This is dandelion and burdock.

[batwings]

Having to explain you don't like candy floss because you were eating it when Nana lost her leg in a steam engine mishap.

[Ferris]

So I said, what about, breakfast at Subway?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

a charity collector half-heartedly shouts "help children get cancer" in the drizzle

Laughed

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

The fog rolls in, but only in your head. Pea soup, the odd thought like; trees conspire against us under the pavement. Until there's nowt but fog left. You're 34 years old, long wait in the fog.

[pancreas]

Just as you pull the trigger, you realise you chose the wrong fire extinguisher to push up your arsehole.

[derek stitt]

Rod Stewart, Alanis Morrissette and Marc Almond turn up unexpectedly for supper and it's half day closing at the spunk shop.

Or: going around the neighbours to ask to borrow a pint of spunk because the drummer from Bon Jovi is staying at your bed and breakfast and he only wants Organic.

[Ferris]

Simple Keith befriends a housebrick.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Labyrinthine Keith orders a bi to 'wash off the gay'

[pancreas]

Penelope Keith gives consent to Paul Ross.

[Cuellar]

Mike Gapes

[buttgammon]

Mike Gapes

So many possible meanings for a mere two words. Outstanding!

[petril]

new range of toilet blocks in a stunning range of autumnal flavours: brown, red and yellow

[Bence Fekete]

Neil Buchanan comes to your art-school for the day but all his fingers are bent and broken like swastikas that snap apart in your hands like twiglets

[phes]

Craig Charles has hated funk and soul music for over a decade

[derek stitt]

The genie of the lamp only grants wishes in the form of Argos vouchers.

You rub the lamp, the genie pops out and asks to borrow twenty pee for the phone

[touchingcloth]

To cheap for a flashlight, you try fucking the Marmite.

[pancreas]

mate

[Cuellar]

Very much enjoying someone looking for something in his shed at night and in frustration going back to his kitchen and slamming his dick into a jar of marmite

[GMTV]

New Unilever campaign.

Waste of spunk, or a jar or Marmite? You decide.

[touchingcloth]

mate

It's like their adverts say: my mate, Marmite.

[jenna appleseed]

I mate Marmite

[phes]

A lost special finale of the A-Team is uncovered in which it emerges that Murdock has been anally fingering an unconscious BA in the cargo-hold for 5 seasons