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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Seal throws a chalice of activated water at a disliked fosse.

Take that, fosse cunt

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A new ambulance tracker app refers to ambulances as 'blarey bois' and caveats arrival times with 'Guesstimate tbh'

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Aid Worker Gary para-drops flecks of smegma over the outstretched arms of war orphans on the hills and valleys of Mozambique.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

The crippled but sentient billionaire Wotal Swacker announces to a crowd of 1 pigeon that his new football team Jeunesse Esch of Luxembourg are going to become 'much more about fascism now'.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Mavis Beacon's typing fortune and cunt have dried up so she's down to dog food now.

Hang on, she thinks. I'm a thickie. This shit's a natural lubricant.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Mike Gapes attracts wasps

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A man gets in the bin along with the thing he was throwing away.

Dannyhood91

Jeremy Vine gets lip fillers

poo

Adam Woodyatt treated for shock after being told he "came from an egg" during filming for a new series of Who Do You Think You Are?"

pancreas

An abortion climbs up the plughole and starts growing in your bath.

Dannyhood91

Paul having 5 kilograms of bus surgically removed from his brain

NJ Uncut

Your one night stand wakes up in the morning next to you and tearfully admits the only reason they even went through with it was because you're such a dead ringer for Junior, from Fraggle Rock, only the cold light of day makes them realise you're more of a Marjory

NJ Uncut

The woman behind you on the bus is kicking off on the phone about needing to sue the NHS for discrimination because they asked her not to loudly criticise staff

From my Live Blog

seepage

an art student makes a quick $25K by selling 'OK Boomer' t-shirts

Dannyhood91

Breaking up with your wife via morse code

Lordofthefiles

23 dead bodies are discovered in the back of the Coca Cola Christmas Truck

Lordofthefiles

The silicone "opening" of your Special Edition Moira Stuart Fleshlight has perished.

Gregory Torso

a TikTok micro-rapper called TINY STARK EMBRYO wins a Grammy for a five second song called "baby ur a wookie ass looking arse bitch (fuck this)"

Gregory Torso

Bernard Matthews' eldest biological child razes a children's petting zoo to the ground with a flame thrower, absolute scorched earth chief, nil animals remaining, on father's day.

Gregory Torso

a Tippex and Haribo sourmix sandwich.

Gregory Torso

An Eskimo version of Terry and June is cancelled after one episode.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A paedophilia rehabilitation clinic that rehabilitates Paedophiles from being unsuccessful depressed Paedophiles to become highly successful socially active paedophiles again.

petril

An Escrima version of Terry And June is cancelled after being panned as a "One Dimensional Bottom"

Cold Meat Platter

You find the only way you can achieve orgasm is by fucking a tin of all-day breakfast.

touchingcloth

All day breakfast from a tin is the last thing you eat before going over the top.

You go over by the top and see the sign saying No Man's Land, and say to yourself not all me before a bullet slices through your helmet and brain.

Twit 2

- Hi Jon!
- Hi Terry!
- Is your arsehole old and wrinkled?
- Yes.
- Loom near me until death, then.
- Ok.
- Cheers

Ferris

Quote from: Twit 2 on November 13, 2019, 12:02:10 AM
- Hi Jon!
- Hi Terry!
- Is your arsehole old and wrinkled?
- Yes.
- Loom near me until death, then.
- Ok.
- Cheers

The other residents of the ward move away from John Terry as he mumbles away to himself.

Dannyhood91

I'd like a water sandwich please

touchingcloth

Your Freshers' Night entertainment is provided by Two: Us - the country's (but not the world's) only tribute act to the Chuckle Brothers.

Chollis

Toady from Neighbours loses all motor control permanently