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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

chveik

Mike Gapes gives you the right horn

poo

A 'faith space' in a post-1992 university is used to host the AGM of the Cock Smelling Club.

touchingcloth

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on your door and you become quite taken with their point of view.

touchingcloth

You renounce your faith in Islam to focus instead on "only wanking".

petril

a football club secretary tries in vain to argue that an opposing player is his own brother and thus ineligible.

he's not and the 2-1 mid-table win stands.

the argument continues

touchingcloth

After your latest bout of sock noncery your usual post-cum shame is compounded once you start removing fluff from your helm.

touchingcloth

"Prince" Andrew pushes his snout to the ear of the teenager he has paid for and whispers "yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and he is going to have you."

Twit 2

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 11, 2019, 05:20:17 AM
Fiona Bruce pens her latest stalking letter in used tampon.

The victim writes back in vom.

'Result', she mutters. 'Fucking result!'

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 11, 2019, 05:23:06 AM
A huddle of ghasts hear through a rusty old speaker on a disused athletics track that days have actually permanently gone.

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 11, 2019, 05:36:49 AM
A heatpack called 'Well Jel' enters the tone down market by storm only to be fucked down the rectum of history by 'Legend of Gelda', Unilever's all-new yet terminally brutal corporate sobriquet.

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 11, 2019, 05:39:19 AM
A Chemical Brother needs to do toilet

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 11, 2019, 05:46:14 AM
A new ambulance tracker app refers to ambulances as 'blarey bois' and caveats arrival times with 'Guesstimate tbh'

I laughed at these.

Spoon of Ploff

A charmless man masturbates into a rolled up ISA certificate.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A bog dweller whose pastime is to felt tip rats announces a manifesto that is 'both radical and pragmatic'.

Fishfinger

Your school bullies? Millionaires.

Twit 2

Nigel Farage fucks a cat.

Ferris

A cheeky nandos claims 4 lives.

Cuntbeaks

A man comes up on acid to an episode of "The Sweeney".

At the height of acid trip someone plays "Sex on fire" by The Kings of Leon.

Coming down off an acid trip on the bus to work.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

You win the lottery but when the balls pop out they are numberless and blank, and when you turn around the scenery has disappeared leaving only an endless off grey horizon which will accompany you for eternity.

touchingcloth

The sole* present under the tree for you is a selection box of seafood* pastes.



*Not a pun.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

An employee from Camelot with a huge cheque made out to you and you only seems to dissolve.

Dannyhood91

#1877
An EDL supporter brings his Desmonds DVD into court to prove he's not racist.

seepage

Quote from: touchingcloth on November 17, 2019, 01:35:53 PM
The sole* present under the tree for you is a selection box of seafood* pastes.



*Not a pun.

what happened to the Euphoria thread?

touchingcloth

You migrate the memorial for your stillborn son from GeoCities to Wix.

petril

crossover:

someone else gets a phonecall from what is obviously John Culshaw's Tom Baker voice

Fishfinger

A greying man fashions a noose out of his own anus. Anoose, he laughs. Then there is nothing.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

H from Steps acquires a map showing the locations of every landmine in Angola.

'Just keep this under lock and key, I reckon'

Ferris

You dedicate a cheeseburger to your nan's memory.

Stoneage Dinosaurs

A 29 year old moustache-waxed contrarian sneers, just loud enough to be audible, at the tube passengers alighting at King's Cross, the unadventurous plebs. As the train pulls into Aldgate East, he departs the carriage and grins, safe and secure in the knowledge of his own superiority as someone who only boards and exits at obscure, non-mainstream stations. He is alone.

poo

The Queen dies during the launch of HMS Scatman John, a rubber dinghy bought from Argos.

the midnight watch baboon

"I bet they're pink," shouts the solicitor to the released child.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: poo on November 23, 2019, 07:50:17 PM
The Queen dies during the launch of HMS Scatman John, a rubber dinghy bought from Argos.

Pure laugh

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on November 23, 2019, 01:47:23 PM
You dedicate a cheeseburger to your nan's memory.

You dedicate a cheeseburger to your mum's nunny.

Gregory Torso

You die and are informed that you will now be re-routed back through time to live as Paul Ross's wife.