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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Spoon of Ploff

its Christmas morning and young Sharon excitedly opens the last door on her Advent Calendar. There's nothing inside but a piece of paper with the word Bitch scrawled on it, exactly like the previous 24 days.

Cuellar

"But everything you've been through, has it made you a stronger person?"
"No"

touchingcloth

Your advent calendar has a different compost sampler behind each window.

jenna appleseed

Quote from: touchingcloth on November 28, 2019, 08:09:17 PM
Your advent calendar has a different compost sampler behind each window.

That's not compost.

eta: it might be brown, but it's also not chocolate.

Might've once been chocolate though.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

An SJW contacts their MP about the moral outrage of upskirting trees.

touchingcloth

You approach the counter of Gregg's and ask if their sausage rolls come "in clods".

Gregory Torso

Sean Paul is accidentally booked into Seaworld as "Seal Paul" and is forced to spend nearly an hour in a tight rubber wetsuit, clapping for sardines and occasionally trying to scream "I am a dancehall toaster" through mouthfuls of saltwater.

rasta-spouse


Your unbridled nostalgia for Lyons Maid Ice Cream becomes a gateway to swallowing Navy cum.

Twit 2

Legend Gary gains a phd in zoology at the University of Stoke and reclassifies himself from the phylum Platyhelminthes to Garybelminthes.

touchingcloth

Unhappy with the default Wordpress themes, you hire a top tier web developer to design your site which ranks condiment sachets.

touchingcloth

The local butcher puts up a chalkboard: "trending now: #liver"

petril


Cuellar

Dog in a bin, fucked inside out

Ferris

You realize you've read every thread on HS Art.

Cerys

You realise you started every thread on HS Art.

chveik

You realise you are Legend Gary.

petril

You realise you've killed every thread on H.S. Art

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Gregory Torso

Your wedding day is ruined by Peter Stringfellow's ghost which swoops round and round the hired marquee, cackling and shrieking "give her one from me", his hair trailing like a shredded mitten.

Twit 2

An uncle kicks a potato dauphinois across his patio because of Brexit.

pancreas

IKEA sends you a letter from their lawyers asking you to blur their lamp out of your snuff film.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Gunther von Hagens positions your plastinated husk to be doing 'hover hands' over someone's circulatory system tit outlines.

He pauses. ''Gunther von Ha-ha gens more like. Love it. I am the king.''


BlodwynPig

Your mate invites you round for a world cup party... stella on top, non-stop Pringles...proper job

Algeria 0-0 England rewatch on grainy russian torrent

"Dont have license for terrestrial, mate"

touchingcloth

Who or what was Stella on top of?

BlodwynPig


Fishfinger

A pledge to build 40 new nurses proves to be just 6, who are currently "spaffed up."

buttgammon

An Only Connect team shows up to filming dressed as the autism spectrum. Nobody notices that they're in fancy dress.

derek stitt

Danny Dyer in a remake of Escape from Sobibor

Ferris

A thousand year old oak is cut down to make Lib Dem pamphlets.

BlodwynPig

You dont even win a prize in the town Desolation awards

The deso lads are drinking their winnings as you stare in from the cold

Wahayyyy, we're the Deso Lads on tour. You're stuck in traffic on the A125, they're in Magaluf, balls deep

Postcard from the Deso Lads "we're not deso now"

The Deso Deity deems Deso 'yesterday's news'.

You are anointed sub-deso irrelevant. Not even that, its only your mind doing that.

My mind