Author Topic: DESOLATION_V.swf  (Read 119240 times)

Angrew Lloyg Wegger

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1980 on: December 06, 2019, 06:07:47 PM »
It's Saturday night as he makes his way to the indie clubnight in yet another solo attempt to get a shag. Brushing his mop of overgrown fur across his crag-ridden face he shuffles onto the dancefloor. Time to use his one perfectly honed pulling technique. He shuffles on the spot in a vaguely defined corner of the floor until the music changes to 'Panic' by the Smiths. He spots the pretty young student girl and moves in to capture his prey. He shuffles vaguely in her direction a few feet away, singing along to the words so she can see - she vaguely acknowledges his presence. As the chorus kicks in he changes the lyrics - "I want a BJ, I want a BJ, I want a BJ, I want a BJ, want a BJ want a BJ want a BJ"
He is unaware that the years of blunt force testicular trauma inflicted by this technique have rendered him sterile.

jenna appleseed

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1981 on: December 07, 2019, 01:47:21 AM »
"I want a BJ, I want a BJ, I want a BJ, I want a BJ, want a BJ want a BJ want a BJ"

Morrissey (&/or some kids of off that record) singing the above is my earworm now,
 oh well at least it replaces Baby Shark.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1982 on: December 07, 2019, 10:24:03 PM »
In a future dystopian Britain, a political dissident is sentenced a life of solitary confinement with only the complete series of Brush Strokes for any form of entertainment.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1983 on: December 08, 2019, 08:27:53 PM »

An ancient Egyptian curse brings Bill Cosby's Fat Albert character to life.

Cuntbeaks

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1984 on: December 08, 2019, 09:10:30 PM »
A child wakes on Christmas morning to the sound of a porno being made.

A child wakes on its birthday to attend the funeral of both parents

A child wakes on 13/12/2019 to a majority Tory government.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1985 on: December 08, 2019, 10:48:02 PM »
A child wakes up, but only in the digestive system, all others seem to have seized somewhat in the night and won't get going.

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1986 on: December 09, 2019, 02:35:38 PM »
Derek Gemini's five year legal battle with the Guinness Book of Records ends in defeat. His 112 hour Cat Meme watching marathon will not be included in their next edition.

BlodwynPig

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1987 on: December 09, 2019, 08:46:47 PM »
Your mother outlives your ability to obtain a meaningful erection

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1988 on: December 09, 2019, 09:16:20 PM »
Brian resolves to cease pooing.

pancreas

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1989 on: December 09, 2019, 10:00:08 PM »
Hedgehog pork is added to the menu at the Waterside Inn.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1990 on: December 10, 2019, 03:57:14 AM »

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1991 on: December 10, 2019, 04:31:36 AM »
The Diarrhoea of the Year 2019 Awards is, as per usual, gatecrashed at the last minute by a vile helix of projected squit while Dennis shouts 'it's still 2019, it is still 2019!'

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1992 on: December 10, 2019, 04:32:29 AM »
Your mother outlives your ability to obtain a meaningful erection

Finally, she thinks. Respite.

the midnight watch baboon

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1993 on: December 10, 2019, 11:24:11 PM »
A newsagent's daughter watches dad racing his hands against each other up the stairway of chocolate bars laid out in front of his counter. Righty wins 2 - 0.

touchingcloth

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1994 on: December 11, 2019, 12:26:32 AM »
The doctor gives you the all-clear of Dog AIDS, but after your celebratory shit you spy blood in your stool.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1995 on: December 11, 2019, 02:29:54 AM »
You log into your Instagram account and follow @coldplay

H-O-W-L

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1996 on: December 11, 2019, 06:09:42 AM »
That's not piss.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1997 on: December 11, 2019, 07:38:19 AM »
A shut in goes to buy Hovis for the first time in months. You should see his face. 'I'm James Bond! I'm James Bond!!'

dex

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1998 on: December 11, 2019, 09:35:12 AM »
You do a nonce a severe physical discourtesy, bashing him up and all that -but the elation and righteousness quickly turns to dispair because you then find out he isn't a nonce. #awkward

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #1999 on: December 11, 2019, 01:30:01 PM »
Nigel Farage pulls out of the way of a bus as you step out onto the road, saving your life. You now feel compelled to defend him as a good bloke for the rest of your life.

touchingcloth

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #2000 on: December 11, 2019, 11:33:10 PM »
Your balls fall off.

the midnight watch baboon

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #2001 on: December 11, 2019, 11:51:33 PM »
Doncaster 78

the midnight watch baboon

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #2002 on: December 12, 2019, 01:10:48 AM »
An all caps Corbyn terrorist Photoshop on a favourite aunt's Facebook wall.

grassbath

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #2003 on: December 12, 2019, 01:23:30 AM »
An otherwise outwardly normal human, alone in your flat and often in a state of undress you are compelled to engage in bizarre jerking dances and make strange, loud, frightening yelps.

Cerys

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #2004 on: December 12, 2019, 01:38:04 AM »
The surgery was successful.  Maurice's face-wide port wine birthmark is now but a memory.  It is only after a night of celebratory drinking that he realises how much he misses it.  He reaches for the cheese grater and grits his teeth.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #2005 on: December 12, 2019, 01:49:24 AM »
Mark E. Smith’s name is taken in vain.

dex

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #2006 on: December 12, 2019, 12:03:11 PM »
Chris Morris decides to fuck doing any more output.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #2007 on: December 12, 2019, 02:36:52 PM »
Chris Morris decides to fuck doing any more output.


Chris Morris unexpectedly comes out as a Brexit party supporter, is seen in an olde country pub drinking Greene King IPA from a panelled glass with Nigel Farage and the bloke Farage saved from being run over by a bus.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #2008 on: December 12, 2019, 05:07:35 PM »
Peter tries to suffocate his wife with a strawberry flan every night, she just eats it everytime.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #2009 on: December 12, 2019, 05:35:51 PM »
Chris Morris decides to fuck doing any more output.

Basically already the case

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