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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Cuntbeaks

A child with profound Locked In Syndrome is terrified of dogs. Terror that surrounds him, suffocating him to the point of death...but not quite.

They bring the dog every, fucking, day.

"Look, he twitched" they say as the pug licks and drools on his face. "He likes it"

BlodwynPig


Spoon of Ploff


Shoulders?-Stomach!


grassbath

The Point eludes you totally. You search in vain while it hikes on Mars with a picnic hamper.

grassbath

You wank out one giant spermatozoon. It lashes about on your bedsheets like an adder. You chase it into the kitchen and kill it with a rolled up Metro.

Ferris

Graham Linehan compliments your social media output.

petril

Graham Linehan's wife starts on the testosterone to escape. Desolation for him.

Cerys

You use the last of your money to buy your grandmother a Christmas present.  Waking, cold and hungry on Boxing Day, you realise that the phone is ringing.  It's Gran, complaining that you got her exactly the same thing last year.  And that she didn't like it then, either.

rasta-spouse


A squaddie goes on a rampage killing spree after the online Dulux colour chart describes his barracks' kitchen as "incel green".

the midnight watch baboon

Dog's lipstick on your collar
Told a tale on you


BlodwynPig

The Desolation thread becomes your "happy place" post-election

Star athlete pretty school head girl gets best A-levels, leaps in air for press photo, hits low tree branch, lives eighty more years scarred, subnormal and paralysed.

pancreas

The exclamation mark button on Glebe's computer fails.

Ferris

Pancreas explains how he got his Wurlitzer (?) electric organ at such a discounted rate.

Cerys

A hasbeen spends hours on eBay, checking the going rate for his old vinyl LPs.  Not one shows a value of more than 90p.  He packs them all away again, certain that one day they'll be recognised as treasures.  Dead soon.

the midnight watch baboon

A Welsh comedy writer drifts to the yearning realisation that he identifies as Graham Linehan.

poo


the midnight watch baboon

Stroking to a stroke in ALDI, wondering ischaemic wanking thrills await your niche in LIDL

DoesNotFollow

A flat santa on a deflated reindeer running into the sea.

Twit 2

The only line in Gary's quarterly wife report is "You put me right off fucks."

Berthas Fat Leg


Shoulders?-Stomach!


SteveDave

Your grand-dad is excited for the new Star Wars film and is considering getting a Wookiee tattoo added to his Star Wars based sleeve. 

rasta-spouse


A lapsed Catholic attends the V Festival wearing a rave-proof neck pouch containing an anal tampon.

Twit 2

Quote from: touchingcloth on December 11, 2019, 11:33:10 PM
Your balls fall off.

I like the simplicity of this one. Still chuckling.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Shoulders?-Stomach!

A toddler destroys their lego set while shouting 'pschhhhhooo powwwwwwwww fffkkkkaaaaareeeeerrr boooooooooooommmmm fruuuuusssaaaahhhhhhh Grenfell Grenfell Tower, culpability of the freeholder and lawmakers'

Cerys

As Brexit looms, Christmas becomes mandatory.  With compulsory glitter.  On everything.  Everything.

Even that.

Cuellar