DESOLATION_V.swf

[Ferris]

A nonce ring engulfs Leicester.

[DoesNotFollow]

Lembit Opik

Oof. I know this is the deso thread but come on.

[Cerys]

On the upside - farty death.

[petril]

sent off for stamping in the ruck at the county quarter finals and banned from bowls for a year

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The medical cure for paedophilia is bumming kids.

[Gregory Torso]

You deep-throat a bollard for £3.

[Gregory Torso]

A morbidly obese ghost gets stuck while haunting a freezer and turns into a fog ponce

[Gregory Torso]

The Cheeky Girls are your pallbearers.

[Gregory Torso]

A garlic shark completely fucks up the Bay of Biscay.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The Cheeky Girls are your pallbearers.

Virtually identical to mine a few posts back but tbf I have found myself doing the same thing from time to time.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A gaelic shark fails to deploy its bilingual skills purely to preserve the traditions and lifespan of a redundant language.

[Gregory Torso]

A garlic shark completely fucks up the Bay of Biscay.

Peter Kay follows it in a dinghy, screaming.

[Gregory Torso]

The "Chekky" Girls are your palliative carers.

[pancreas]

Peter Kay follows it in a dinghy, screaming.

Hotly pursued by Graham Linehan, in a pedalo, wanking.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A jetty is presented as some sort of delightful surprise. It isn't.

[pancreas]

Mrs Dington scolds a boy for using his semen as tipp-ex on an essay about the Suffragettes.

[petril]

the pub quiz has scrapped the convulated format that none of the regulars had any interest in understanding, and will be in Irish next week

[poo]

A tinny Bush ghettoblaster plays Crockett's Theme at max volume as Shaun Murphy ejaculates Daddies Sauce onto the forehead of a bleeding refugee.

[tao of wub]

'Porton' Bill pushes his arms into the glove box gauntlets and with a deft much practiced touch inserts a slender hypodermic needle into the strapped down and whimpering Dogger.  As he presses the plunger home, delivering a certain lethal dose of genetically altered Marburg virus, his eyes briefly meet with the dog's sad, yellowed and pus encrusted orbs.

Bill remembers he has a couple of scotch eggs in the canteen fridge.  A slight smile briefly flickers across his face, as he withdraws the needle from the now gently convulsing Dogger.

[tao of wub]

'Porton' Bill deliberately crushes his left testicle, which is awkwardly located somewhere in space between his thigh and the leatherette barbers chair.

This in a partially successful attempt to stifle his urge to laugh when his barber blah blahs the theory that the coronavirus outbreak originated from a filthy Chinese meat market.

He just about manages to pass off his laugh as a strangled barking cough.

A few notable gobbets of mucus and spittle eject from his mouth to corrupt the image staring back at him

[Cerys]

Mr Thompson fails to throw the boys' football back over the fence because he is too busy expiring of hyperglycaemic shock.

[Ferris]

A one-man letter writing campaign to recommission Ground Force.

[poo]

Face in a tub of cottage cheese is ur new best mate.

[poo]

Bloke runs the London Marathon dressed as an arse cancer.

[poo]

A lobster gives up. Just too much hassle.

[Cuellar]

Getting a blowie off Laurence Fox

[Pingers]

Your anus starts getting all sarcastic on you: "Oh yeah, great shit that mate, perfect consistency, you should definitely stay on the booze, it's doing you the world of good"

[Huxleys Babkins]

Holding Dad's wake at Mr. Mulligans.

[Cuellar]

Holding Dad's wick at Mr. Mulligans

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

the heating's bust and your only dressing-gown reeks of BO