DESOLATION_V.swf

[Twit 2]

An archaeologist sifts tundra out of your arse. 'Bid for more dig money!' you insist, while he rustles specimen bags on your bollocks.

Your wife is fucking a hippo now, says it is excellent.

Dizzy Gillespie's second cousin trowels cum biscuits into her face.

[poo]

Dad taps his foot to Stormzy.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Santa Clause corners you on a side road in May to call you a 'fucking disgusting s*****c'.

[Chicory]

The presence of a turban on Bargain Hunt captivates half gone Dolly as her prat dog chokes to death on a raw crumpet.

[Bence Fekete]

Your gerbil is distantly related to Desmond Swayne.

[pancreas]

The decrepit corpse of TH White surges out of South Norwood Lake holding aloft a malformed dildo.

[Bazooka]

Cilla Black's ghost tries to take a bicycle pump back to Halfords every day but has no receipt.

[Cerys]

Thursday.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The decrepit corpse of TH White surges out of South Norwood Lake holding aloft a malformed dildo.

Laughed. I think it was 'surges'

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Hardeep Singh Kohli gets all toffee on one of his slum landlord tenancy agreements.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Hardeep Singh Kohli has left a present for you on your next trip to the toilet.

[Pingers]

Mid-messy divorce, you hear your mum yell at your dad "Yeah? Well, I'll just sell my Terrence Trent D'Arby collection and live off that!"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Hardeep Singh Kohli tries to make 'HSK' happen. Not only does it not happen, he treads in some sick.

[Pingers]

Hardeep Singh Kohli tries to make 'HSK' happen. Not only does it not happen, he treads in some sick.

Proper laughed

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Hardeep Singh Kohli cunts a used-once home baking starter kit into a park bin while muttering 'fucking thing'.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Hardeep Singh Kohli pulls a knife after a disagreement over the strength of some cheddar cheese. Medium, he mutters. Say it. You will say it.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Barry the Golem is busy rendering a tin whistle from vape dispenser remnants when the weight of universal forces comes crashing down, largely in the form of some shit out of a duck.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Car goes mildly down hill

'Italian Job, Italian Job! I'm in the Italian Job!'

Coffee bought from Starbucks

Italian Job, Italian Job! I'm in the Italian Job!'

Pencil case opens, pencil in pristine condition

Italian Job, Italian Job! I'm in the Italian Job!'

Pack of A4 paper opened in office to replenish printer stock

Italian Job, Italian Job! I'm in the Italian Job!'

Wife leaves

.... Italian Job, Italian Job! I'm in the Italian Job!'

Bill arrives demanding outstanding payment

Grease! Grease! It's Grease!

[PlanktonSideburns]

Last night you were trepanned, and the whole world came in, like a light bulb


Now you're going to a request stop to flatten a homeowners wall for pennies you've already spent in Swansea Costa Coffee on a tuna melt

[Pingers]

This year's holiday is in Eggness

[Cuellar]

Hear your mother and her new fella going at it

For ages

You're downstairs

Eventually it stops

Footsteps coming downstairs - heavy lethargic tread

Door swings wide

Is Paul Ross

"Roasting up there son - you got any juice"

[petril]

Jona Lewie occupies the kitchen of Hardeep Singh Kohli and refused to leave

[poo]

When Gary met Gary

[Rizla]

Gary Doesn't Live Here Anymore

[pancreas]

Stacy has been told to put at least six carriage returns for the signature to fit or she's out. She tells her children at bedtime that she will never do more than five.

[Ferris]

Aston Villa are mathematically relegated.

[chveik]

Dad taps his foot to Stormzy.

:D

[poo]

Neil Jenkins in space.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Your machine that create Vileness of 63 kinds is bought out by Fisher Price®

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

After waking up in the most blissful comfort, the sound of bird song, church bells, the smell of jasmine hanging in the air, the next two hours of your life is spent gradually realising that you are legally known and referred to by everyone who knows you as 'Poo Particles'.