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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Sat directly next to tourettes bloke on bus yelling TEKKING TOO LONG!!!!

Cuellar

Quote from: poo on February 27, 2020, 07:23:40 AM
15 minute video of Neil Jenkins eating a big gala pie.

This is the desolation thread

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Your dog Shearer gets made into gala pie, along with cousin Chris

petril

Quote from: poo on February 19, 2020, 10:40:29 AM
Dad taps his foot to Stormzy.

What's this? It's got a good beat

jenna appleseed

Quote from: Bazooka on February 19, 2020, 11:42:26 PM
Cilla Black's ghost tries to take a bicycle pump back to Halfords every day but has no receipt.

She still thinks Meatloaf was singing about a 'Cilla Black sat on bike'.

ollyboro

Piers Morgan's son discovers his supposedly long lost birth certificate, and under the heading Father's Name he sees the name "Piers Morgan".

Chicory

Imbeciles lollop through a crowd of twats.

batwings

Okcupid matches up you with a tapeworm.

A zoo keeper called Denzel clogs the toilet at Longleat.

You are rejected by a tapeworm.

A 50 year old who lives at home with his mum pays Ron Jeremy $200 to record a get well message to play to her while she's convalescing in hospital from a hip replacement





Stoneage Dinosaurs

A newly qualified male porn star in California tragically dies on the set of "E.T. The Extra Tumescent".

A major anal scene has to be re-shot countless times due to the woman playing Eliot's mother getting her lines wrong, forcing the man inside the unwieldy plastic alien suit to fuck her for over 15 cumulative hours. By the end of the ordeal he has nearly sweated all the water out of his body, the weak dribble of sperm in his balls being the only remnant of fluid sustaining him. Once his viscous milky piss jets have been sprayed he begs to be unburdened from his prosthetic brown alien jail but the shoot's sadistic director demands five additional reshoots. Once the shoot is finished, the crew cut the suit open but only dust pours out. His funeral is attended by three mafia men and a convicted dog puncher.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Ron Jeremy donates 8 jars of his vital essence to 'kids in Africa'

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Your anal swabs come back from the lab and it's Belsen

Shoulders?-Stomach!


Ferris

Thanks to a new round of government funding, all universities in the UK are pleased to announce the launch of postgraduate degrees in Nonce-ology.

pancreas

A sewage processing plant wins a government bid to eradicate rough sleeping.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Girls rescind their collective desire to have fun.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

despite eating healthily and exercising like a horse, your health screening shows you have a metabolic age 15 years older than your chronological age

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A fossilised parakeet served frozen with a thick smegma coating is described as 'adequate at best', by Jay Rayner to murmurs of agreement from his peers.

petril

The new scrum half shows up at training and he's shite

DoesNotFollow

John pulls open the first baggy of cigarette butts, then the first bag of bread, and begins his preparations of squashing each fagend into a small ball of the cheap, doughy foodstuff. It is the eve of his latest offensive against his waterborne nemeses.

ToneLa

You willingly watch and genuinely enjoy horse racing

dex

Quote from: ToneLa on March 04, 2020, 02:56:40 PM
You willingly watch and genuinely enjoy horse racing

Simple yet deso-fective.

the midnight watch baboon

A cream-pie pregnancy goes unnoticed.

ToneLa

You are contracted to "do" the audiobooks for the Jack Reacher series

ToneLa

Your wedding photo gets one Instagram 'like'

Shoulders?-Stomach!

'I'll give you book smarts, poindexter', says a bully from the South Staffordshire area.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A morbidly obese intensive care retiree gets an erection from rolling over lego.

ToneLa

 The gaffer at your work says women aren't allowed out on site alone in case they get raped.

From my Reality Series

... :/

ToneLa

You bump into Tommy Robinson at Centerparcs, who thinks your constant virtue signalling is sarcastic and a laff riot so pledges to be with you always

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Tommy Robinson gets a woman on site alone