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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Demanding your acute respiratory distress syndrome partner deep throats you to climax.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

David Coulthard finishes his cum inside Janelle Monae.

'Oh David, that was just vile'
'... Well, Indeed.'

A CaBer who has been on the waiting list for 4 years for a phimosis operation is told that it's off as Tommy Robinson has jumped into his place to have an ingrowing arse hair removed.

Bazooka

A flesh light shop is the only shop left open in Cromer as its deemed an essential service.

Pingers

Ben Elton's latest project is a musical about genital herpes. Called 'The Simplex Complex', it stars John Leslie as the well known sexually transmitted disease.

Chicory

Thoroughly motor fucked Dignitas hopeful Dawn is told her application has "fallen down an admin hole".

petril

The "Special Films" turned out to be a selection of 70s porn, but then – success! An LWT junction from 29/07/79

Twit 2

Posh Spice's bog child crawls out of the cistern to crow the day's tidings at "whomsoever shall be gathered here." Like an alabaster marionette rejected from
the workshop of Bernini, its vocal chords ricket and sputter off the stucco bidet - only for it to dawn mid-declamation that its sole audience is an expectant David, huddled behind the proscenium of the shower curtain in a pool of raw spaghetti hoop. "I have bested the bog child!" he shrieks in candle-greased pallor,  "And thou art long, and lank, and brown, as is the ribbed sea-sand!". With that he lurches at the bowl, flinging clods of Heinz at his daughter of the U-bend, his anal Amphitrite, who recedes abashed into her sewer.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Twit 2 on March 30, 2020, 05:07:39 PM
Posh Spice's bog child crawls out of the cistern to crow the day's tidings at "whomsoever shall be gathered here." Like an alabaster marionette rejected from
the workshop of Bernini, its vocal chords ricket and sputter off the stucco bidet - only for it to dawn mid-declamation that its sole audience is an expectant David, huddled behind the proscenium of the shower curtain in a pool of raw spaghetti hoop. "I have bested the bog child!" he shrieks in candle-greased pallor,  "And thou art long, and lank, and brown, as is the ribbed sea-sand!". With that he lurches at the bowl, flinging clods of Heinz at his daughter of the U-bend, his anal Amphitrite, who recedes abashed into her sewer.

Hahahaha

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A paedophile covered in Maxibon slather tries to wipe it clean with someone else's mini statement from a cash machine. Instead he just gets a load of ink stain for good measure, as the near bankruptcy verdict from a depth grovelling Subway oblong is transferred from paper to face.

I must attack children later, he reminds himself.

touchingcloth

You find yourself wondering what David Gray has been up to lately. Not artistically, just generally in life.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A swelling of clotted blood that some say has a face done so well on Megadrive, he gets in the paper.

The paper that is resting on the surface of the coffin. That is being placed in the ground. The ground where the dead go to rest. Valley Parade, Bradford City football club.

Graham Crumbles from Barnsley is beaten up in the green room by a pair of pensioners after taking the -£10000 option on The Chase then failing to answer a single question in the final round.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Pam St Clements uses her fresh body temperature piss to blast the shit stains off her toilet pan.

Every time there is tangible progress she gravels, 'Av It!'

'Av It!!!

Cuntbeaks

You identify your dad's dead body, his beard is covered in fanny grool.

During lockdown, your neighbour attempts to learn how to play Wonderwall, on a recorder.

You stand clapping at your front door like a cunt in order to feel part of something. You don't.

the midnight watch baboon

Carl insists the LGI goes ahead with his pube-to-slaphead hair transplant, as its "psychosexually
fookin up me 8pm clap game, Gadger"

dissolute ocelot

Quote from: Cuntbeaks on April 03, 2020, 01:03:06 AM
During lockdown, your neighbour attempts to learn how to play Wonderwall, on a recorder.

Mike Flowers version, trills n all.

ollyboro

14 years after losing both arms, due to a mixture of meningitis and NHS incompetence, Barry is vilified on social media for not joining in with the clap-for-the-Nhs, when his repeated headbutting of his front door is interpreted as derision.

petril

your quiet pint shares a pub with the Gaelic Discord Server meetup

Pingers

Self-made Martin is so determined to get his daughter into public school that he is prepared to describe her as "lithe and lissom" on the application.

petril

your speech therapy FAILS, and you can only communicate in the style of a KILROY intro?!?!

even Ray is taking the piss. you can SOMEHOW tell, that he's being intentionally SARCASTIC?

dex

Robert Peston receives a knighthood.

the midnight watch baboon

'Mimsy Itching Nightmare' is streamed live from an neglected Mimsy.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Nick Faldo gropes a handful of Matchmakers into his gob before shoving the boxes into his PAs bosom with a loud accompanying rattle.

'SORT THIS SHIT OUT'

the midnight watch baboon

Dang to this lockdown,

LET'S!
GO!
FLY!
A!
     kitten.


petril

"he loves prison, that boy"

ollyboro

After paying for extensive carbon dating tests, Barry is forced to concede that the gleet, shit, petrol and piss in his online bought Princess Di's Death Pants, originate several years after HRH's death.

poo

Confused about a brush.

Ferris

The representative from P&O ferries laughs at you down the phone until you hang up.