Author Topic: DESOLATION_V.swf  (Read 8627 times)

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #30 on: January 31, 2019, 07:05:52 AM »
Alan's dog shite and paper mache son is heralded as a new messiah.


dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #31 on: January 31, 2019, 07:19:35 AM »
A moment of catharsis and cognitive dissonance during a local council meeting where a legacy donation will be available only if a street is named after a deceased nonce.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #32 on: January 31, 2019, 08:21:42 AM »
A boot develops a meaningful perspective right before it's trodden into dog shit.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Baldness exposure gust
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #33 on: January 31, 2019, 08:22:58 AM »
A deceased nonce who was diseased once is bequeathed a bronze sconce by a displaced ponce.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #34 on: January 31, 2019, 08:29:38 AM »
Garance Pontins blows out the candles on his birthday cake in full knowledge that they're connected to his life support machine. It is not his birthday.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #35 on: January 31, 2019, 08:31:15 AM »
Garance Pontins screams "time thump" and punches his mother in the womb as hard as possible, causing his own retroactive abortion. Sadly, his mother's backup pregnancy leads to the birth of a significantly more retarded child.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #36 on: January 31, 2019, 08:37:33 AM »
Garance Pontins has the word "dissapointment" tattooed on the inside of each of his eyelids.

batwings

  • Timewaster seeks same. No timewasters please.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #37 on: January 31, 2019, 09:01:14 AM »
A nonce stays in a loveless marriage. For the kids.

Having a moment of clarity during a bottle-wank on a bridge, watching Police divers search the river.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #38 on: January 31, 2019, 09:16:30 AM »
A shitbeard cyclist with a kingfisher tattooed on his shoulder and a gnarled walnut brain bursting with delicious tweets and hashtag burns is burst like a frog under the wheels of an emergency snow plough.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #39 on: January 31, 2019, 09:29:10 AM »
Paul Whitehouse desperately whores his Only Fools And Horses musical on The One Show to the pity of the man who voices a plastic Batman.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Baldness exposure gust
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #40 on: January 31, 2019, 09:30:27 AM »
A nonce stays in a loveless marriage, for the lols and free eczema cream

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #41 on: January 31, 2019, 10:58:35 AM »
Garance Pontins digs his finger into his bellybutton and accidentally "ejects" his penis

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #42 on: January 31, 2019, 11:10:37 AM »
"This guff may contain nuts HAHAHAHAHAHA"

Little Timmy's peanut allergy attacks him from the lungs outwards.

Chollis

  • Master of Codes
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #43 on: January 31, 2019, 11:56:59 AM »
As he approaches the grave, an overzealous pallbearer tries to "put some stank on it", but his knees buckle and Nana's fermented carcass is catapulted high into the air. The bloated cadaver splatters on impact, coating the congregation in all sorts of shit-smelling gunk and goo.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #44 on: January 31, 2019, 12:03:27 PM »
Riley Hawk sadly kickflips his father's grave.
« Last Edit: January 31, 2019, 01:30:28 PM by madhair60 »

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #45 on: January 31, 2019, 12:15:27 PM »
Russell Grant's strict policy of "one for me, one for you" means he's not invited back to help at the food bank.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Baldness exposure gust
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #46 on: January 31, 2019, 01:16:36 PM »
An "absolyoot ballicks" is shown his entire history of shits.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #47 on: January 31, 2019, 02:11:53 PM »
You realise all the entries in the fifth desolation thread mirror exactly those in the first, but they are no longer funny and you close the Internet Explorer tab...forever.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #48 on: January 31, 2019, 02:16:29 PM »
You realise all the entries in the fifth desolation thread mirror exactly those in the first, but they are no longer funny and you close the Internet Explorer tab...forever.

Same, except Firefox.

Desolately you read through the GUFFAW thread and find nothing there either. The vast grey emptiness of the last year spent posting on CaB.

You try to summon the energy for one last, almighty flounce post.

Fart.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #49 on: January 31, 2019, 02:20:58 PM »
It's 3 in the morning, back on CaB, frantically looking for mirthsome jollies to reignite the creative fires inside you. A burglar surprises you and you bludgeon him to death. A warmth is felt deep in the belly.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #50 on: January 31, 2019, 04:59:57 PM »
Under instruction from his elderly father, Mike pisses into his mum's urn, gives it all a good shake and downs it in one. "So you'll write me back into your will now?" he gags. Derek tuts and goes back to his Sunday Telegraph.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #51 on: January 31, 2019, 05:27:17 PM »
"I'm not going back on there, I'm not going to post another thing"

"You must! You will!"

"Oh, if you insist"

"This is not good enough! Prepare to die!"

(actually happening no


BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #53 on: January 31, 2019, 08:04:00 PM »
"I don't even see you, not a thing, can't see you, no nothing, mate"

"You're not looking"

"I'm staring right at you"

"How do you know if you can't see me?"

"Smell"

"Get over yourself, just look at it...LOOK AT IT!!"

"Ok Madhair, you win - oh! it's the last four desolation threads"

*waddles away screaming that he'll never come back*

Cuntbeaks

  • Guess who's coming to dinner?
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #54 on: January 31, 2019, 08:45:11 PM »
"Bury him in the suit he went tay fucking court in"

"Yer Maw's a whore, just lit yer Da"

"Ye better get tay fuck pal or I'll choke yer dug"

FerriswheelBueller

  • Golden Todger or
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Very tired. Sorry if my recent posts are shit.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #55 on: January 31, 2019, 08:49:44 PM »
"Bury him in the suit he went tay fucking court in"

"Yer Maw's a whore, just lit yer Da"

"Ye better get tay fuck pal or I'll choke yer dug"

“Breaktime at Greenock Primary School”

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #56 on: January 31, 2019, 10:35:08 PM »
"and there's an exciting afternoon of sport ahead of us now on BBC1 with Grandstand, presented by Dougie Donnelly"

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #57 on: February 01, 2019, 12:04:56 AM »
l shat on an industrial scale that week

Cuntbeaks

  • Guess who's coming to dinner?
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #58 on: February 01, 2019, 12:05:47 AM »
“Breaktime at Greenock Primary School”
Nursery actually.

dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #59 on: February 01, 2019, 09:13:26 AM »
l shat on an industrial scale that week

Factory caretaker shakes his head and mutters.