Author Topic: DESOLATION_V.swf  (Read 15222 times)

Berthas Fat Leg

  • Someone’s sitting there, mate
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #300 on: March 12, 2019, 08:41:19 PM »
They said she couldn’t do it.

And they were right.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #301 on: March 13, 2019, 08:07:07 AM »
Lawrence puts a lorry on his larynx. Dead

Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Upphängningspunkterna
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #302 on: March 13, 2019, 12:40:34 PM »

Notification from Ultraviolet that they are closing and migrating library to alternative service. To save streaming film access, perform tedious multi step process.

You have successfully migrated your Ultraviolet account
Your library

1. Scott Pilgrim v the world

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #303 on: March 13, 2019, 02:02:08 PM »
You have a message from Universal Credit.

They have a job interview arranged for you. You leap with joy! You might actually get away from fucking Universal Credit!

You open their shitty website and look in your journal. And you see the job title

Benefits Advisor - Hull Job Centre.
You will be advising claimants how to adhere to Universal Credit and sanction them for transgressions.

Rocket Surgery

  • There's a twat-farm reunion you ought to go to
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #304 on: March 14, 2019, 11:33:54 AM »
A cretin can't find the 'Stupidest Video That's Ever Made You Laugh' thread.

And that's only the second most-crap thing that's happened this morning. (By a gnat's chuff.)

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #305 on: March 14, 2019, 07:30:28 PM »
A grandmother gets a complimentary pen after her first course of chemotherapy

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #306 on: March 15, 2019, 09:00:39 AM »
Heavies come roond and take yir very thumbs. That student loan is a bastard right enough

FerriswheelBueller

  • Golden Todger or
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Less tired. Still sorry if my posts are shit.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #307 on: March 15, 2019, 10:36:42 AM »
The proto-civilization after the apocalypse finds your copy of Hex Enduction Hour amongst the rubble and uses it to wipe each other’s arses.

FerriswheelBueller

  • Golden Todger or
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Less tired. Still sorry if my posts are shit.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #308 on: March 15, 2019, 10:38:25 AM »
A helpless infant is given the name “Byron”

FerriswheelBueller

  • Golden Todger or
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Less tired. Still sorry if my posts are shit.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #309 on: March 15, 2019, 10:41:43 AM »
You stay up 26 hours in a row for no good reason.

FerriswheelBueller

  • Golden Todger or
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Less tired. Still sorry if my posts are shit.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #310 on: March 15, 2019, 10:42:28 AM »
A tinfoil prophylactic.

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #311 on: March 15, 2019, 11:17:14 AM »
A Google Fit notification on my blower says Wow, Amazing! You've doubled your highest ever score!

Only put the bins oot

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #312 on: March 15, 2019, 07:25:50 PM »
"He's left me, Dan. Oh, I'm sorry to drop in on you like this; I don't even know how to tell Mum and Dad. He's ruined everything. Took the kids. I'm too sick to even go into work. I'm not eating. God, everything is fucked. I am completely and utterly fucked."

"...That's what she said!"

"Can you please stop it?"

"That's what she said!"

"If you say that one more time I'm going to kill myself. I just.. I just can't stand to take pain inside me any longer"

"................. Thus quoth the lady."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #313 on: March 15, 2019, 07:58:59 PM »
A murder mystery weekend organised by Brechin City FC is cancelled due to lack of interest

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #314 on: March 16, 2019, 11:33:54 AM »
A plaque is rendered and fitted to the bus stop where the band Hard-Fi was formed.

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #315 on: March 16, 2019, 08:24:52 PM »
Brexit: The Boardgame

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #316 on: March 17, 2019, 02:26:38 PM »
A young man Facebooks his suicide note, giving it the last of himself - his agonies, his losses, all he has known and all he wished he could know. Sated, knowing he has left it all on the virtual page, he runs the bath where he will do the deed. Goodbye, cruel world, soon I will be beyond your horrible reach.

His bath takes ages though, as baths do. So he goes back to the computer. What's this?

It's gone fucking viral! Curiosity gets the better of him: maybe someone can stop me. Maybe someone can save me.

Maybe I'm wrong and the world is good after all, and people really do care.

Chatting fucking wham mate
Hahaha get on with it ur lame and gay
LMAO I'd kill myself too if I was you
lol triggered snowflake get back in ur safespace
No wonder it was unrequited

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #317 on: March 17, 2019, 02:31:12 PM »
Ye pick oot a coffin for yir ma, and the only one you can afford is lined with old copies of the Daily Express

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #318 on: March 17, 2019, 02:51:26 PM »
Not only does your jaw lock doing deep-throat, but your back has locked as well, keeping you in position, but arseholes can't lock and more's the pity as your shitter erupts with diarrhea over yir wilting prick and into yir open gaping mouth

In a dressing room in Debenhams.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #319 on: March 17, 2019, 03:09:27 PM »
Hard-Fi birthday cake

Cuntbeaks

  • Guess who's coming to dinner?
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #320 on: March 17, 2019, 08:23:40 PM »
A 4hr, 128Kbps Trance/Hardcore mix played on a Sansui Mini HiFi, in a caravan, in Bridlington.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #321 on: March 17, 2019, 08:29:52 PM »
You stay up 26 hours in a row for no good reason.

often. no, really.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #322 on: March 17, 2019, 09:06:53 PM »
A sparrow lays an egg into a dead tramp's mouth.

A child is graded "insurmountable" by Ofsted.

Sandra the monotreme trundles her mobility pedalo through the street, its flippers can barely spin for clog shit and adoption papers.

Another child throws a fork at a sleepy owl.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #323 on: March 17, 2019, 09:20:15 PM »
A recurring dream of a tiny Tina Turner in open crotch dungarees gyrating on a great big angus steak.

Two hog farmers duel with their chancrous cocks out in the main road for the attentions of Kirsty Young.

A shoe full of yellow milk.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #324 on: March 17, 2019, 09:31:06 PM »
Yer ma hammers the gardener whilst yer da talks shite to mr. cat in the pantry. Go catche mice, mr cat, says yer feckin da. tryn ta feed it cheesy wotsits like the quoit he is.

A silvery woodpeckit bird chewin at the prize tree. "ye cunt, ah jist pruned that cunt" says yer gardener, throwing trowel at bird. "feckin woodpeckit." Then a squirrel come wiping its arse all down the varnished teak tree like a tit-sick mewling baby. "Ah feckin hate nature!" screams gardener.

He pisses on the tree. The tree is ashamed at the frisson of pleasure that corkscrews up its hundred ring inner body.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #325 on: March 17, 2019, 09:33:13 PM »
The pH level of some mineral water proves the catalyst of a bloody global conflict

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #326 on: March 17, 2019, 09:40:33 PM »
A shitty moth wafts bulbwards.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #327 on: March 17, 2019, 11:08:36 PM »
Your nan's signed copy of Sinderella live is the only thing to survive the fire.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #328 on: March 18, 2019, 12:12:32 AM »
A sparrow lays an egg into a dead tramp's mouth.

All good, but this especially feels like Mozartian desolation.

FerriswheelBueller

  • Golden Todger or
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Less tired. Still sorry if my posts are shit.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #329 on: March 18, 2019, 12:23:19 AM »
Crinkle cut chips at the wake so it’s not been a complete washout