DESOLATION_V.swf

[Gregory Torso]

Halfords autocentre adds "non consensual struggle buggery" to its list of MOT services.

[dex]

Halfords autocentre adds "non consensual struggle buggery" to its list of MOT services.

Part your meat wallet for this big bill...

[Huxleys Babkins]

Halfords autocentre adds "non consensual struggle buggery" to its list of MOT services.

The Nuffield trading estate branch manager Ian Wells demands a transfer to Kwik Fit.

He'll turn a blind eye when his lads manage to accidentally leave the transmission tunnel cover off a Vauxhall Vectra in the boot of another random customer's Toyota Yaris, but he won't stand for that.

[ToneLa]

Ye bleat into yir phone for directions home and the AI replies that she's absolutely, positively done with your shit, finito, and I quote, endy-fuckin-story shitforbrains

[ToneLa]

You re-enact the end scene of the Graduate when yourself sitting on a bus with a fine bird who gives you a nervous smile and a deathly silence

[ToneLa]

Ye wander into the main forum a minute before the time I posted this and there's still cunts banging oan aboot politics and conspiracies n that

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

ALDI "Mao Cultural Revolution Sequiturs" £18.59 KNOCKDOWN left unsold in the wire trough of a Tring branch

[The Poison Dwarf]

A toddler peels off the beak of a budgie.

[Charles Babbage]

A 48-year-old Fred Durst practices rapping into a serving of over sweetened oatmeal. He allows his face to get too close to the bowl and is forced to accept a lashing of milk. Enraged, he jumps to his feet, takes off all of his clothes and challenges the bowl to a literal pissing contest. After stand naked for 11 hours waiting for a response he reluctantly gives up, mutters "Well, that's Tuesday gone" to his stolen dog, sits down and resumes rapping.

[Spoon of Ploff]

You realize you've been staring at a roll of sellotape for ten minutes but don't know why.

[batwings]

A difficult shit and its aftermath take up most of your Saturday.

The hand-drawn Captain Hook logo on a backstreet abortionist's business card.

Missing the last bus out of Ipswich.

[Spoon of Ploff]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-47638682

[rasta-spouse]

You're in a burger joint and Baby Bird is playing on the stereo. As you bite into the whopper your teeth hit a polariod of Christine Keeler. Confused and insulted, you turn to the counter and you notice the IG baddie who served you has heterochromia.

[petril]

a quick serve retail franchise in a post-economic wasteland spends Sunday morning scraping the shite from the fryers to use in the gravy. three hour queue all afternoon

[BlodwynPig]

A photo of you naked in full makeup and pixellated penis appears in a story in the local news section of the BBC. It is absolutely humiliating and you are fired from your work and lose your family. Other than that it does not garner much interest. In fact it is the lowest viewed page on the BBC aggregated over that month.

And yet.. Yet...it remains online for internet users to stumble across for years to come, leaving you unable to truly move on from the incident.

[garnish]

You re-enact the end scene of the Graduate when yourself sitting on a bus with a fine bird who gives you a nervous smile and a deathly silence

This made me sad

[Glebe]

The Sun give a special bravery award to Nigel Farage "for services to Britain."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Julia Hartley Brewer runs her thumb and forefinger down her piss drenched labia, then snuffs out another one of those toads she keeps in a bespoke kiln.

[Spoon of Ploff]

4177 posts and every one a zinger!

[dex]

Will Self is confused by the selection of screws in his local Wickes. "Japened screws?!" A full Guardian piece ensues.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

A real life one from earlier:

Two teenage schoolboys. One tall, the other titchy with a rather high-pitched girlish voice.


Titchy: (Heatedly) "Look it's all there in the Bible. Don't be fucking gay. That's all there is to it!"

[PlanktonSideburns]

Tim Burton's Shindler's List

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A fart cloud engulfs a moral.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Just went I to work kitchen, coworker wrapping yards and yards of red and white striped hazard tape round a pot noodle,

This tapes Fucked he sais

[PlanktonSideburns]

Sat down in canteen eating said pot noodle watching a man die in an industrial accident on liveleak

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A crazed old woman says that a man who goes around South Yorkshire with a pressure washer keeping street signs clean should "be knighted"

[Glebe]

Jacob Rees-Mogg stages a 'best of British' celebration at a local primary school, rewarding the most patriotic-seeming children with a stale scone apiece.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Jelmeleinen Stripwöllöke pawns his five most efficient drains to a man who wants to drink all the contents

[Glebe]

You have to spend the whole weekend taking notes at a conference about plankton.

[PlanktonSideburns]

You have to spend the whole weekend taking notes at a conference about plankton.

Not sure how to feel about this