DESOLATION_V.swf

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Keith crowdfunds his own sexual assault, top donation gets first break in and blood pie. Top donation is old PE teacher Terry. Keith! Not seen you in a while!

[petril]

a nostalgic comedy night request fails to get to Reeves or Mortimer, so the performance art parody is filled by Paedophile! Information! Exchange!

[pancreas]

Keith crowdfunds his own sexual assault, top donation gets first break in and blood pie. Top donation is old PE teacher Terry. Keith! Not seen you in a while!

'I was hoping it would be you, Mr Mitchell.'

[Glebe]

A Game of Thrones finale watch party ends in patricide.

[Bazooka]

Michael Aspel presents the Queen with a Nando's menu on This Is Your Life, Elizabeth chooses extra mild.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Holding Dad's wake at a Sizzling Pub™.

[purlieu]

A 40 year old man flips the page on his tattered and stained Cheryl Cole 2015 calendar for the start of a new month. "June, my favourite," he thinks.

[seepage]

Holding Dad's wake at a Sizzling Pub™.

aargh, just made the mistake of googling that, and found a once half-decent local pub is now one of those. Should I let them know a Mr. T. Martin wants his menus back?

[petril]

Tactile Si hits the bus jackpot. every double seat with a single occupant

[Glebe]

A Twix with a sell by date of 12/2/06 gathers dust in a Grimsby cornershop window.

You make a dash for Poundland but it's 6PM and the shutters have come down.

[Chollis]

Bodger and Badger overdose on heroin and choke to death on mashed potato

[petril]

Monday pub opening means tearing down the old poster for the weekend's tribute act roster of George Michael, Rod Stewart, Tina Turner, Robbie Williams(the same guy who does George Michael, with the same voice and costume), the act that started off doing Frankie Valli but now does songs from about eight different 50s and 60s acts and the actual Nick Berry, for a new poster advertising this weekeend's tribute acts: the act that started off doing Frankie Valli but now does songs from about eight different 50s and 60s acts, Tina Turner, Robbie Williams, the actual Nick Berry, Rod Stewart and George Michale(the same guy who does Robbie Williams, with the same voice and costume.)

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A woman with spores of genital yeast is asked to explain her symptoms using a double dip.

[Glebe]

A gorse clump trips you up and you end up in a cowpat.

[rasta-spouse]

A Viacom audience insights executive plays the solo from Smells Like Teen Spirit on his step-son's guitar.

[the midnight watch baboon]

A forgotten angler stifles his unquiet mind by sobbing into a chub's swim-bladder.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Belma Of Staines spray paints a swastika on deodorant cap. Egg Cup complete.

[derek stitt]

A cannibal is teased at cannibal primary school because his mum can only afford club feet from the cannibal supermarket. The child's nickname is Orthopaedic. This gets misinterpreted by cannibal halfwits and several Clark's shoe shops are burned to the ground/ turned into barbecues.

[grassbath]

A supposedly 'normal' man starves himself for an hour and a half waiting for the attractive girl and her boyfriend at the other table to leave so they dont see him eating pub food on his own.

[grassbath]

A supposedly 'normal' man goes to a jam night and plays bad music to an empty room with some alcoholics.

[GMTV]

A supposedly 'normal' man goes to a jam night and plays bad music to an empty room with some alcoholics.

Arnee and The Terminaters on repeat

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Stewart The Arsehole dances a jig around his newly dead dad

[Glebe]

Richard Dawkins tells a sobbing five year old to pull herself together.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A terminally ill Sisqo performs the 'Thong Song' through tears at a children's birthday party

Magnificent

[Glebe]

A bum knows full well it's limit.

[Ferris]

A bum knows full well it's limit.

...and that it is about to be exceeded.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You get a shag and they're well fit but then they smell of Louis CK*



*Captain Z inspired this

[jenna appleseed]

The woman behind the counter in the health food shop has a cough;
your protein oat bar is strangely green.

---
real life desolation:

The board game donated to charity about three weeks ago, reappears in the window of the local give and take for free event pop up shop (by the end of the week it's still there).

Also spotted in the give & take for free shop:
An empty cd case of James Last performs Abba,
a manky crusty yellow & old computer keyboard,
a very old & dusty Cannon bubble jet printer,
an even older & dustier car radio unit
Charlies & Di commemorative decorative bells (wtf)
Thingie & Fergie commemorative tat

several home taped videos with hand written labels of things like Winnie The Pooh & the honey tree.
3 cds of (black & white) Minstrel Magic with hideous tinted covers like this piece of shit

[jenna appleseed]

There was also a Now That's I Call Music 6 gatefold lp, the first record replaced with Whitney Houston.

[Ferris]

There was also a Now That's I Call Music 6 gatefold lp, the first record replaced with Whitney Houston.

Quality deso