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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

petril

a shattered Riccardo Patrese lookalike tolerates the lad banter from a group of five to make sure of another 30 quid in the till to double tonight's revenue

Pingers

Bob is dismissed from his job for spending far too much time at the water cooler after it was 'somehow' connected up to the outflow from the urinals.

The End of Days is officially announced after it rains frogs with the face of Boris Johnson and Leon Brittan rises from the dead, reeking of toad.

derek stitt

#842
A religious cult holds a sweepstake on what coffin you get after the mass suicide. Some poor cunt gets one of those weird 'theme based' Ghanaian coffins shaped like Katie Hopkins.

Breaking out the Fray Bentos for a Royal Wedding.

poo

Nick Knowles does a yellow cum.

Pingers

When he looks around him, all 16 year old Lukas Baumann can see is filth, depravity and the lowest degradations of the human condition. He reflects on the inappropriateness of doing work experience in a Berlin sex shop.

Cold Meat Platter

Finally getting back from the chemist's drenched in sweat and realising these aren't your agoraphobia pills

Berthas Fat Leg

The massive, tattooed boyfriend staring at his phone.
The tiny, bird-like girlfriend who hasn't smiled for months.

Berthas Fat Leg

Not even birthdays or special occasions.

The bitch.

petril

In his late forties, he pretends the stringy skullet is still a full head of flowing locks, his protruding gut and saggy tits are still the gloriously sculpted abs and pecs, that his three spots with copious breaks to recapture his breath are still the debonair, amazing technical and athleting in ring ability and that the thirty quid for tonight's work at Butlins is the low six figures for one night at the Dallas Sportatorium. He's going to try a drunken fight with the promoter after for fifty.

He'll be on facebook later pretending he won twice tonight.

Stoneage Dinosaurs

Driving all the way through the lake district to get to your perfect weekend nuclear sludge-rambling break in Sellafield.


dex


Spoon of Ploff

Its 11am on the longest day of the year and you've already run out of monster munch and tizer

Spoon of Ploff

A faulty neural network is demonstrably funnier than you will ever be.

Spoon of Ploff

Your last use of the internet is to look up how to play Whist.

Spoon of Ploff

You decide to give Peters Friends another try.

grassbath

Margaret spends some actual seconds of her actual life commenting 'I saw the angel xx' on this image.



She doesn't understand Facebook at all. She shares a shit and racist meme and is applauded by someone she initially got in contact with using Friends Reunited. She has a family and has raised children who have now grown up. Someone posted on her wall a while ago sending their love and hoping the boys are doing well but she never saw it and it has gone without a single like or comment because she doesn't understand Facebook. She sits peering myopically at the screen scrolling and sharing in her glasses. 'Share if you agree' it says. She does agree so she clicks the share button.

sponk

Stephen Fry does a fake laugh at a Phil Jupitus posh joke on QI

petril

today is baggy cycling shorts day

petril

A wedding suit built around an Embassy Filter promotional t-shirt

pancreas

A man buys a subwoofer for his television on which he only ever watches porn.

Lordofthefiles

An emergency shite in a countryside beautyspot is interrupted (too late to bring proceedings to a halt - you know how it is, all stinging hot and gaping as if it's gasping for air of its own volition) when a coach full of Down syndrome children pulls up behind you on a roadside lay-by you had hitherto thought was fields as far as the eye could see... and you've got no bog roll either for fucksake.


Norton Canes

A man in Clacton has a boiled sweet, three hours later he can't get rid of the taste

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A Terry whose nickname is "Cuntface" declares a Cum War on a mini roundabout. After a sustained Cum War, a Ford Focus is announced as the loser by the referee, also Terry.

Twit 2

It's your annual work review! OH DEAR

QuoteSuch an objectionable cunt that when you're graved the worms will be out of work.

Ferris

You drop a rung from Lidl to Iceland. Only Farmfoods left now. Will be there by Christmas.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A whole family of Lithuanians is tipped into a container marked "lost" - fortunately most of the family had already died a week earlier through being in the presence of a moth so it's just one guy actually affected.

Cuntbeaks

Positive biopsy

Born snapped

Bald teenager

Prolapse gristle

Meat bingo

petril

perhaps his greatest achievement was being able to fart the intro to Jump Around