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DESOLATION_V.swf

Started by PlanktonSideburns, January 25, 2019, 03:25:58 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

pancreas

David Hockney reveals a series of five Ann Widdecombe nudes. Subsequently bought by the Tate Britain for 20m.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Goatse's next of kin are obliged to review his personal effects.

Cuntbeaks

"It isn't a wart I'm afraid"

"Baby calves will suck anything, and i mean, anything"

"I wish they made budget Fray Bentos"

pancreas

New analysis of the skeleton of Richard III shows he died from a bumdozy.

BlodwynPig

QuoteNew Faces at leading Darlington Accountants

reads the headline on Page 12 of the Gazette.

"Evelyn!! Have you seen this! Our Brendon's in the paper"

"That's can't be right, Horace, he died in the cot aged only 3 months"

"Aye, must be his ghost"

Berthas Fat Leg

He just wanted to entertain the kids on the estate with some fireworks and magic tricks. Instead they daubed 'peedo' on his wall and chucked pelters at his cat.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A diversifying farmer gets planning permission for his pay-to-play mung pit.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Peter has his romantic advances emphatically rebutted 5 times, the last of which is accompanied by the threat, 'If you ever come near me again I will take out a restraining order'.


Long game. I'm in the long game, he thinks.

BlodwynPig

Paul is excited for the first passenger space trip to the Aldebaran. 18276 days on the Amstrad Retro playing frogger without the wife constantly nagging to change Bert's nappy. Grandpa Bert will be dead upon his return. Bonus.

poo

Balding cunt with tits can't even manage to put his deso in the right thread.

Cuntbeaks

A balding cunt with tits eats an uncooked Fray Bentos

A cynically overpriced vending machine in an oncology department waiting room

A sex addict wanks over a jumbo sausage supper.

petril

A cynically priced vending machine in a call centre, cash box full of counterfit coins. a high effort no score draw

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Martin's trigger word bringing on severe anxiety attacks is quite obscure, and that's why everyone enjoys using it so much in his presence.

Gregory Torso

A newborn TK Maxx suckles thin yellow colostrum from the pencil nib tits of a Paddy Mcguinness that is weeping for all the future generations of factory price designer tracksuits.

Gregory Torso

A bee that is known as "the Paul Ross of the hive" bumbles its stupid earless soft fat corpse body through the dribbling tunnels, one thing bright in its tiny bee mind and that is to smoke a fat bifta with the queen's larval children and talk about how much it loves pissing on the backs of other bees as they go about their daily OBLIVIOUS monarchist pollen SHITE

Gregory Torso

George Alagiah gets dreadlocks and starts every news report with the phrase "HEAR ME NOW"

Gregory Torso

Ron and Eddie, the "Dads Of Hazzard", are immolated outside their mothers house just moments after Eddie tries to slide across the bonnet of their Tizer-colored Golf GTI and the friction from his denim hot pants ignites the fuel line.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Gregory Torso on June 26, 2019, 08:16:35 PM
A bee that is known as "the Paul Ross of the hive" bumbles its stupid earless soft fat corpse body through the dribbling tunnels, one thing bright in its tiny bee mind and that is to smoke a fat bifta with the queen's larval children and talk about how much it loves pissing on the backs of other bees as they go about their daily OBLIVIOUS monarchist pollen SHITE

Incredible

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: pancreas on June 25, 2019, 04:18:52 PM
New analysis of the skeleton of Richard III shows he died from a bumdozy.

This was also very good indeed

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Not The Nine O Clock News outtakes presented by Kryton

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Cuntbeaks on June 26, 2019, 10:16:06 AM
A balding cunt with tits eats an uncooked Fray Bentos

A cynically overpriced vending machine in an oncology department waiting room

A sex addict wanks over a jumbo sausage supper.

Last one is genius, first is so 2015

Ferris

Quote from: Gregory Torso on June 26, 2019, 08:19:43 PM
George Alagiah gets dreadlocks and starts every news report with the phrase "HEAR ME NOW"

Laughed

petril

half past four, two-nil down and an hour's adamant raving that that's it, he's not coming back. by eight o'clock he's resigned to coming back to watch them reach the dizzying heights of mid table obscurity for another season

Ferris

Quote from: petrilTanaka on June 26, 2019, 11:43:15 PM
half past four, two-nil down and an hour's adamant raving that that's it, he's not coming back. by eight o'clock he's resigned to coming back to watch them reach the dizzying heights of mid table obscurity for another season

Try doing this for 6 years, in a pub in North America (opened specifically for your group of miserable expats, and unable to sell booze because of the absurdly early hour), week in, weekout, to watch Aston Villa stagger to a grubby 38 points a season.

It is also -25c outside, and you can't really afford the streetcar home.

A slightly odd member asks if you want to drink some of his hip flask whisky in the parking lot with him, but you politely decline and hope he leaves you alone. The barmaid looks pissed off. The coffee is bad. Your toast is burned.

You turned down a morning of cooking breakfast and playing video games with your wife to be here.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: petrilTanaka on June 26, 2019, 11:43:15 PM
half past four, two-nil down and an hour's adamant raving that that's it, he's not coming back. by eight o'clock he's resigned to coming back to watch them reach the dizzying heights of mid table obscurity for another season

"At least i don't support Newcastle United" he beams

buttgammon

Krapp (of Last Tape fame) spends a whole afternoon trying to find a spare spool for a defunct model of strimmer. He leaves B&Q empty handed.

Chollis

Mick Philpott wins Celebrity Big Brother 2021

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Dion Dublin gets Mick Philpott as his dance partner in the next Don't Pay? We'll Take It Away.

Spoon of Ploff

A 2019 WimbleWrong escapes captivity:


Shoulders?-Stomach!

Corbyn looking pretty fly there