Author Topic: DESOLATION_V.swf  (Read 31067 times)

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #810 on: June 06, 2019, 07:10:18 AM »
A trancendental meditationist's consciousness decides to fully fuck off out of it's host body, for good like!

Alien's abduct a cow and core out its anus with lasers. Just for a laff really.

Kev stuff's so many chips into his fat fucking face that he actually becomes a chip.


ZoyzaSorris

  • if you can smell me it's too late
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #811 on: June 06, 2019, 02:37:57 PM »
Off my nut on wasp honey and it's the Datura season.

a duncandisorderly

  • the rough and tumble of the internet
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #812 on: June 06, 2019, 10:34:16 PM »
A man looks at a desolation thread instead of the smiling face of his infant son.

ouch. is why I only come on here at work.

Cuntbeaks

  • Guess who's coming to dinner?
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #813 on: June 07, 2019, 01:36:06 AM »
£699 IEM earphones
£1,299 DAP player
128kbps Hardstyle Hardtrance Hardmix

An unwrapped Fry's Peppermint Cream is used to partially pop out an eyeball

A 'fun' treasure hunt at work ends with a stairwell lapel grab that eventually morphs into a scuffle


petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #814 on: June 07, 2019, 08:23:50 PM »

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #815 on: June 09, 2019, 02:36:25 AM »
A what’s app message, from your favourite rent boy, obscures the screen saver photo of the faces of your family on your mobile phone.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #816 on: June 09, 2019, 02:55:46 AM »
Pete Townshend's optician, using the latest developments in technology, changes Pete's prescription making his eyesight even better.

Captain Poodle Basher

  • Teaching cats to cook since 1986
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #817 on: June 09, 2019, 04:56:10 PM »
The utter "Wish the ground would open and swallow me" embarrassment of shouting out your wife's name while having sex with your mother. Wednesday nights will never be the same again.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #818 on: June 09, 2019, 09:24:13 PM »
the first colleague you're introduced to calls themself "the office retard"

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #819 on: June 11, 2019, 01:32:22 AM »
Putting your piss flaps in a glass of water by the side of the bed instead of your false teeth again.


dex

  • Maybe, but there again maybe not.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #820 on: June 11, 2019, 10:53:08 AM »
The only other person on your team at work who isn't a complete cretin calls in sick for you to deal with it all yerself. Fuck's sake!

the midnight watch baboon

  • Gelled, spiky hair fragrant near my teeth
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #821 on: June 11, 2019, 11:24:52 PM »
A man's childhood swingset becomes his mid-thirties gibbet.

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #822 on: June 12, 2019, 12:53:43 PM »
You finally see yourself as others see you.

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #823 on: June 12, 2019, 08:00:30 PM »
At the wake for his wife, and in a moment of deep indescribable grief, Paul, drunk on several free glasses of whisky, makes a grab for his mother-in-law's fadge, shouting "you look just like her, make me feel better, make love to me like she did, fuuuuck me muuuuuuummmmyyyyyy". - He's going to feel terrible when he wakes up tomorrow.

the midnight watch baboon

  • Gelled, spiky hair fragrant near my teeth
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #824 on: June 12, 2019, 10:23:16 PM »
Mathew worries about pancake day 2021.

ZoyzaSorris

  • if you can smell me it's too late
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #825 on: June 12, 2019, 10:52:07 PM »
On a real life pork-related desolation tip:

Wild boar are known to be competent swimmers, capable of covering long distances. In 2013, one boar was reported to have completed the seven-mile swim from France to Alderney in the Channel Islands. Due to concerns about disease, it was shot and incinerated.

Twit 2

  • Just me and those big old waves rolling in
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #826 on: June 12, 2019, 11:12:41 PM »
“They’re grateful for it!” bellows Clive over his fence, as he cums on his birdbath again.

Twit 2

  • Just me and those big old waves rolling in
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #827 on: June 12, 2019, 11:18:16 PM »
Your driving instructor claims the car is powered by his own grunts.

ZoyzaSorris

  • if you can smell me it's too late
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #828 on: June 12, 2019, 11:45:01 PM »
Leon and Poppy Hunter christen their bonny little one year old boy Paedophile in honour of their vigilante uncle. They're all dead now.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #829 on: June 13, 2019, 12:50:43 AM »
Nick Knowles smears the end of his penis in honey and waves it round an ants nest, claiming to have fucked all the ants that make it onto the shaft.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #830 on: June 13, 2019, 08:55:50 AM »
An mid-50s Asian man in Man United top looks lost in Heathrow airport.

Later, his only debit card is declined at Gordon Ramsay’s.


Ambient Sheep

  • I give up.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #832 on: June 13, 2019, 11:34:28 AM »
A full back tattoo that reads:

“Pink Fliyd”

Their mother took a certain infamous anti-nausea drug during pregnancy?

Dannyhood91

  • I thought you said KING AAARTHUUUR!
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #833 on: June 14, 2019, 03:13:48 PM »
Frank Spencer erect cock 

Twit 2

  • Just me and those big old waves rolling in
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #834 on: June 15, 2019, 12:22:24 AM »
Brenda lives in a bin. Her soul is a bin. She is rubbish to the core - even her bone marrow is refuse and she campaigns against gays. Every evening she gets up and farts out cockroaches she’s grilled the night before, farts them out onto a racist tarpaulin. Her middle names are swear words and she’s got a tattoo of a typhoid-infected garrison on her stupid chin. She’s Basingstoke’s finest citizen, an attenuated arsehole in the void.

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #835 on: June 15, 2019, 08:57:21 AM »
A man dreams he is erect for the first time in years as bedbugs harvest his foreskin in his sleep.

A pub widow skims her fossilised misscarriages across the surface of a wishing ditch.

Bloated, pudding-skinned cupids descend, Bez-like in their movements, to fuck up your planned romantic evening with a security guard.

The Kiss Chase Champion of Holbeck Primary 1973 returns to his old hunting ground to reenact past glories.

the midnight watch baboon

  • Gelled, spiky hair fragrant near my teeth
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #836 on: June 15, 2019, 10:14:30 AM »
Wozza styles out a transient ischaemic attack at the Gamblingay boys' Fosters n sliders barbecue 2019, oi oi

Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #837 on: June 15, 2019, 08:42:10 PM »
A child sells her dead dad's dildos to pay for Piers Morgan calendars.

batwings

  • Timewaster seeks same. No timewasters please.
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #838 on: June 16, 2019, 04:48:30 PM »
A trumpet player gets his lips sheared off by a set of doors on a bendy bus.

The heavily-accented man at the counter at the Indian takeaway engages in tortured small talk with you as you wait to collect your order. You are lucky to catch a third of his words. By the time your lamb Dansak arrives, you have accidentally insulted his sister and laughed about his mother’s terminal diagnosis.

Thoughts of the looming need for a bath with a door in it interrupt a half-hearted Sunday wank.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: DESOLATION_V.swf
« Reply #839 on: June 16, 2019, 05:36:52 PM »
A child sells her dead dad's dildos to pay for Piers Morgan calendars.

Bought by machotrouts. 50p each.