TFW

[Gregory Torso]

a man in a reflective jacket says "alright, squire?" to you and you feel like a normal person for a few seconds.

your gentleman's monocle pops right out at a naked pie crust in Curtis the Bakers.

your skull and hair and teeth all get erections fwoarr at the boobies and frontispieces and you say i wouldn't kick her out of the holocaust museum for eating monster munch.

cwoarr blimey godber that's a spicy meatball.

the plumber gets wicked and starts rapping as he rips your immersion heater out of the wall with his bare hands.

[Gregory Torso]

the feeeeeelins when your dad gets really into ebonics.

when your winnets unionise.

the feel, oh man oh jesus, oh the teachings of jesus, the feel when your boss pays you in pattycakes.

[Gregory Torso]

the last erection you will ever experience is wasted on a minibus rattling over an old cattle grid.

when art is invalid, when the love has gone, when the cosby show comes on, when you can only think in gregg wallace

when specsavers prescribes dentures for your eyes, when an erotic ann summers chopstick becomes lodged in your hog socket

when arousal breaks down, when football is not enough,

when you are the canal and he is the barge

when you shuriken a scratchcard into the neck of a driveway slag who won't get out of the way and let you reverse to go to Tesco

when you goad someone's child into biting you so you can have it destroyed

[pancreas]

then welcome.

Ooo Gregory Torso welcome.

In Jaaaaaaam.

[Gregory Torso]

tfw pancreas doesn't contribute to your thread but makes fun of you

[pancreas]

tfw the wine you're served in a restaurant is probably corked but it's just on the cusp and you can't quite bring yourself to send it back. But it is corked, actually, it's definitely corked. But it's too late to send it back.

[Gregory Torso]

The feeling when we are together, in McDonalds, but at separate tables.

I have been at work all day. You have been stealing fish from Paulie Walnuts' private hatchery. You are eating a raw rainbow ejaculation trout, keeping steady eye contact with me as its offal splashes black calligraphy over your babys bib.

You are so delicious I want to stockpile your morning breath in jars under my bed and fill my house with it, like an exterminator casting out pests, except the opposite: I want to invite your every louse and nit into my house. I want to shape your back fat into a reverse pair of boobs that I would abscond with if only they wouldn't puncture.

In my brainsick snowglobe filled with your scalp rash I stand, mouth open, tongue extended, catching every flake.

I am still in my WH Smiths uniform, gorging on Double Deckers I thefted from the mini fridge. The nougat chocolate slime plasters my face, I rub it in, I am in full Cadburys brownface.

You hate my face. I have a very small mouth and chin, it tapers down to a point. I look like a tweaked grape. People generally hate me on sight. Even my dad in church, told me to get the fuck out of the family and fix my stupid balloon face. My dad, with his big tanned mug and oily moustache, he looked like an oak door with a cat shit nailed to it.

But now we have something in McDonald's, and we cannot look away.

Like confused flies exhausting themselves inside a rusty bicycle frame, thinking it is some skeleton beast that bears marrow.

[Ferris]

hahaha mfw

[Gregory Torso]

smdh when that happen!!!

[petril]

tfw you lose your ITV franchise

[touchingcloth]

Who is TFW?

[Ferris]

Temporary Foreign Workers.

It's an employment status for non-citizens in Canada that allows large corporations to illegally pay them less than minimum wage because the workers have essentially zero rights as long as they want to stay in the country. It's why I don't buy anything from Tim Hortons.

I'm pretty sure that's what the thread is about, anyway.

[Gregory Torso]

G

[Gregory Torso]

End.

[BlodwynPig]

Terry Wriste?

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

you drop a lovely sandwich on your lap and stain your only pair of work trousers with mayonaise.

the fog in your brain dissipates just enough for you to remember you've forgotten how to make the right face.

you fall down a hill on purpose tumbling like a crisp packet in the wind, you wish you were a crisp packet. Salt & Vinegar dust to dust.

she loves you and you aren't really able to feel any emotion other than bored detachment.

[seepage]

tfw the wine you're served in a restaurant is probably corked but it's just on the cusp and you can't quite bring yourself to send it back. But it is corked, actually, it's definitely corked. But it's too late to send it back.

TCA "what's wrong? it's the wine, isn't it? why do you always bloody do this?"

TCA bored of looking up which are under DIAM to avoid above

[purlieu]

The fuck what?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

when you rape someone.
( But you don't really rape them. Rape is bad.)